(Closed) How long are you willing to wait for a proposal from your BF?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 61
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

When we first got together, I told him “You’ve got four years”. It hasn’t quite been three and I’m starting to push because I want to be married to him so we can begin the rest of our lives together. Could care less about the wedding aspect, I just want us to be legally joined.

For me, if you’ve been together for 3-4 years and marriage hasn’t crossed his mind (we’re both 30), there’s something wrong!

 

Post # 62
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Sunset Hills Country Club

I would have waited forever. I knew he was the one, he knew I was the one, and I was perfectly fine waiting. WE set goals/milestones we wanted to reach before we wanted to get engaged and married. Everything worked out brilliantly for us.

Post # 63
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

I never put a hardcore deadline on it. My SO is the one, so unless he just up and totally changed and said he never wanted to get married or whatever, I’m in it for the long haul, even if that means waiting. I’ve already been with him going on 5 years and I love our relationship, so unless that somehow changes, I’m here.

Post # 64
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I used to say no timeline. It would just happen organically. That was in my 20’s. I felt that way all the way up until I was 32 actually. Then I started to consider things like kids and what I want from life because now at 36 — my internal deadline of having kids by 38 max is cutting close hahahahaa! 

I was already married once upon a time and I’m glad we didn’t have children together. But now that I’m more evolved. – time has passed. I’ve grown up some!!!! I’m really thinking– about planning. Planning the next 30 years to be what I want. Do I want to spend 18 of those years raising a child or two?? Or do I want to just zip around and live out all my travel fantasies? 

I know it sounds terrible to people- but the truth is, I don’t think I want to dedicate myself over to children at this point. I know it takes full commitment and of course you love them and of course you do everything. But another part of me knows I love my freedom. I love options. 

My sweetie is the same way. We talked a lot about the future and how we want our lives to play out. And we chose no kids. Full work and travel and exploration. So the pressure to get married and get on with it– has again lessened. Because I don’t have that question mark anymore about kids. 

He has already put his life in order to be my lifelong companion. We are just going through the motions of getting our new house. Then he will get me my ring!!! Then we can have our nice flower heavy ceremony lol. I’m a flower fiend! 

And then life will roll on! 

The time crunch breaker was my personal decision to not have children. — still I don’t want to wait until I’m very old to have that pretty ceremony!!!! But I see this all unfolding over the next couple years. 

Post # 65
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

We’ve been together for almost three years and I start getting impatient. With my ex I never felt like this, because I thought ‘We’re young, I don’t mind witing 6 years or so’, but niw I’m 27, my boyfriend is almost 31. Both of us are financially independent and have been working in our jobs for many years (he 7 years, me 3 years). I feel like there is no excuse to not get engaged. He brought up getting married this January and I was super excited because he really seemed like he wants us to get married this year, even told me to tell him what I want and where I want to get married and we’ll do it. Suddenly, a few weeks later, he changed his mind and said he feels it’s too much pressure and he cannot tell me when it’s gonna happen. He said maybe not this year, but probably some time in the next 2-3 years. I’m so sad and disappointed and at a point where I#m really thinking to walk away.

Post # 66
Member
2989 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

My timeline was 5 years, but I always dreamed of a romantic, unsolicited proposal in the 2-3 year range. I was a perfect girlfriend. I cooked everyday, cleaned house, liked most of the same things as he did, was supportive of his hobbies, got along with his friends, had friends and hobbies of my own whick made me interesting to be around… So I was sure I’d “earn” the proposal of my dreams! 

I didn’t. 🙁 

After asking him why he didn’t want to marry me at the 3 and 4 year marks (he cited finances because he felt like an inadequate provider, despite the fact that I viewed him as successful – I think he wanted to be Steve Jobs, which wasn’t going to happen), he proposed. I think he realized that he’d lose me if he kept putting it off.

We’re happily married for the most part. We love each other and work well together and never tire of each other’s company. But I still get a little weepy when I’m PMSing or stressed out about completely unrelated things and think about how unromantic he is. I guess we can’t have it all! 

Post # 67
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

I’ve always felt that if you’ve been in a serious relationship from the start, 2 years is plenty of time to know whether you want to be married to your partner or not (though not necessarily to be engaged). I told my SO this from the start. At 2.5 years and 2 months before I had to move away for school, I asked him what he was thinking. That didn’t go as expected. I am trying to make allowances for his circumstances, but after 3 years and at the age of 30 (him, I’m 28), “I’m not there yet” doesn’t exactly instill confidence. I told him he has one more year, time to establish his career and get a ring. At the 4 year mark and at age 29, I’m either planning a wedding or moving on so that I can have the family that I want. 

Post # 68
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

At 34, I’m also indecisive on how long I should wait for. He has kinks he wants to work out with me (about me), but I’d ideally like to get married in a year or max two years from now since I want to have kids. It’s sad and freaking me out how fast time is flying by. 

He told me he didn’t want to marry any time soon or have kids when we first started 3 years ago, then his sister had a kid 2 years ago, so he opened up to having kids and really likes them now.

He wasn’t sure about moving in last year because he wasn’t sure about our future together yet. But now, he’s talking about moving in together because he’s considering a future together. 

Things are just moving at snail’s pace. And I feel like time is rushing me..

Post # 69
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
Butter-nut:  Kinks about you?? No no no, that sounds no bueno. My ex was like that, and it didn’t matter what I did, it was never enough. I will forever regret groveling at some scumbags feet, b/c eventually he did show in no uncertain terms his true colors, and deep down I always knew what they were. I don’t know your story, but you don’t deserve to be treated that way, believe that!

/thread hijack

Post # 70
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

Id rather not wait past like 3-4 years. Id like to be married by the time I turn 35 (7/2/2020). But, my bf & I have only been dating 9 months (living together 7 months).. So, we have a ways to go. Neither of us are REALLY ready especially him. My thing is I want to have been divorced from my exhusband for at least 2 years (11/19/16), Living together/dating my bf for 2 years BEFORE getting engaged. (8/17/16 & 6/6/16).. lol dont ask…just my OCD kicking in. 

Post # 71
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

We’ve been talking about engagement so much lately that waiting for one more year is already pushing it for me. I do love him with all my heart and would wait a lot longer if needed but I feel like this is the right time for us

 

Oh and we’ve been together a little over 2 years.

Post # 72
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 1969

View original reply
stephinPA:  I disagree. Coming from someone who has been in a relationship for 8 years and now have a child together there is definitely a time when you say enough is enough. I have been very vocal about my feelings. I want to be married and he claims he does too but year after year there is no ring and no proposal. Now I think of the time I have wasted and the energy I spend on someone who will never “be ready”. I am extremely bitter and resentful at this point. We are both in our 30s with very good jobs. It becomes excuse after excuse and it’s time to tell yourself that you are worth more that that!! 

Post # 73
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Well he’s given me a timeline that’s within the next five months tops. I’m 99% sure it will be on our fourth anniversary (smack dab in the middle of the ballpark he gave me). I would be incredibly hurt if he didn’t stick to it but I’d wait til our fifth anniversary if I had to. After that enough would be enough.

Post # 74
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
CuteLittleBuzzingBee:  depends on where i was in life. at 23, i’m happy to date for 4 years. at 30, i’d probably like to figure out whether we’ll marry within a 1-1.5 yrs.

Post # 75
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Pecan Springs Events in Brookshire

In my 20’s I dated. Then, I met someone and he wanted to get married right away.  I wanted to have kids but he did not want to since he already 2 from a previous marriage. We dated for 3 years and eventually broke it off. 

My best friend and I got together May 2001. We started traveling, going to sports events, comedy shows, hiking, and biking. You get the picture.

2006 – we celebrated our 5 year anniversary, bought house, adopted our dog, 2 guinea pigs, and a couple of turtles

2008 – we changed careers

2011 – one day in May after 10 years of being together, I realized I was ready to get married.

I spoke with him about it. He said that he wanted to marry me since the first day we had gotten together.

He booked us a surprise vacation at the Grand Canyon where he proposed to me in November 2011 in front of a ram and some hikers. It was romantic, funny, exciting and a little tiring.

I would say wait time varies according to the situation.

 

 

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