I’m 31 and SO is 27, and I let him know fairly quickly (within the first few months), with casual lines in bigger, general conversations about dating, that I am READY, and will not wait around like a woman in her early/mid 20’s.
We had a real talk about the fact that we want to marry each other around the 6-7 month mark, and have since talked about where we want to get married, what season, how many kids we want, boys or girls, etc. Last night he randomly said that WHEN he have a boy, he wants to have him circumsized!! lol
I don’t really have an answer for you because I don’t consider myself as poweless as “waiting” suggests. I consider myself an enqual partner in the decision-making process of whether or not we will spend our lives together and when we will officially begin that journey.
I don’t see a point (at our respective ages, as mature and settled as we both are) in staying in a relationship that is not consistently progressing in some way, and I let him know that early on. We discussed marriage at 6-7 months, and he asked me to move in with him at 8 months. He knows I’m not a big fan of words, actions are the only reality. Words can be tools of manipulation and deceit, so I expect action.
I want to be careful that he never feels pressured, so I haven’t tried to pin down any specific timeline, but when we initially discussed it, I said something to the effect of “I don’t HAVE 4 years to wait for engagement like all your friends have done, they all met much younger and had the luxury of time, I won’t wait even close to that long, especially since we both want multiple kids.”
So I would expect that we are on the same page about being engaged by 2-2.5 years in at the LONGEST.
I like constant progression, but also understand that every step comes with an adjustment period. We plan to have me fully moved in by October (11 month mark) and then we have our birthdays and the holidays to enjoy and for me to get to know his family even better. Then, by the time late spring/early summer rolls around, I expect us to have adjusted to living together and be looking toward the next thing. If not actually getting engaged, then at the very least discussing ring budget/funding/vendors/design preferences, etc. I think I would have a really hard time approaching the 2-year mark, having lived with him for a year, with no ring on the horizon.
Worst case scenario, if I had lived with him for a year, and I turned 33 with no ring, I would probably wait through the holidays to see if he was planning a holiday proposal, but after that I would just quietly move out. I won’t pressue anyone to marry me, but I think if it rolled around to 2.5 years and no action materialized, I’d have to take that as a sign that all of his words were just to keep me around.
For the posters saying, if you love him enough, you’ll stay forever without a ring and just wait until he’s ready, right?!?!?!
……Umm no. I love and respect mySELF more than I will ever love or need a man, and I know that I want to get married and have kids, so I won’t let any man take that from me, no matter how much I love him, and ESPECIALLY if I realized he was selfishly lying to me and leading me on to get me to stay with no intentions of ever actually marrying me.