(Closed) How long are you willing to wait?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4680 posts
Honey bee

I was going crazy after a year and a half, but we’d been talking about marriage since Day 1. 

I think 1-2 years after you start talking about marriage would be my limit, depending on how far into the relationship the conversation started. 

Post # 4
Member
700 posts
Busy bee

@pokie45:  for me, i’m willling to wait for my life. I’d love to be married but it’s only a formailty for me. we’re happy together and thats more than many can say. so i’m sontent

Post # 5
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

At this point, I could never say “I will only wait X years, and then I’m gone.” I say this because right now, our relationship is great, but we don’t know what is going to happen in the next few years. I don’t know where SO is going to go to grad school yet, I don’t know if he’s going to be joining the military to pay for grad school, and if so, where he’ll end up stationed or if I would even be able to go with him if we were married.

If we were settled, and there was no other issues and the only thing was that I didn’t have a ring, I would have to have a serious talk, but for me, now? I’m patient and happy. (Then again, I’m only 13 months into this relationship, but we’ve been talking about marriage since month 3)

Post # 6
Member
646 posts
Busy bee

@pokie45:  Remember that pact I made with you a few weeks ago to discuss timeline with SO? Well I finally did last night…didnt totally go over so well.

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/wtf-he-doesnt-know-now

Heres the deal…Im 31 and he’ll be 37 in Jan. The ONLY reason Im pushing a committment is so I can get started on having a baby. Even if I gave him a year to commit, and walk after that year, there is NO guarantee Ill meet someone else in time to have a baby. Im NOT using SO as a baby making crutch, but Im just saying that at this point, Im in it for the long haul…ring or no ring. The only reason NOT to sitck around is biological, and it doesnt make sense to throw away an otherwise great relationship just because ring/marriage/etc not happening as quickly as I like (although I do plan on bringing up this convo again as he needs to be told 1) I dont care about his job stability in terms of starting a future and 2) I ALSO get a say here!!!)

Ive never been a total “marriage” girl. I want the committment but dont think that a piece of paper defines a relationship.

 

EDIT- just want to clarify I dont care about his job stability in terms of starting a future. Of course I care about him having a job he is happy with and that he feels secure…I think that came off wrong. What I mean is that regardless of if he finds a perm position or not, his salary doesnt change so its not like he isnt making money now and that would be a reason to put off moving forward. Hope that makes sense!!

Post # 7
Member
903 posts
Busy bee

I’m in my mid-thirties. If I reached the 1 year mark with someone and no talk of marriage had occurred, I’d bring it up and start thinking about dates to make my exit. I’d leave at the 1.5 year mark if it seemed it wasn’t going anywhere. At a younger age, this wouldn’t be an issue but now I have my fertility to think about. Also, I know a lot more about relationships and life and what I want at this age.

Post # 9
Member
646 posts
Busy bee

@pokie45:  Nope, never engaged or married before. I think he just doesnt THINK about how waiting effects everything else!! I dont get how he can tell me “youre the one i want to marry”, “when we have a family”, etc etc etc, then not want to have a convo until 2 years in??? He obviously KNOWS what he wants so why not just do it!!!

Post # 10
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think i would wait a year from August (when I moved to another town to move in with him.) We’ve been dating for five years. As much as I wouldn’t want to set a limit, I feel like if he wasn’t willing to make that commitment, I couldn’t justify supporting him through his Ph.D. and buying a house in the future. 

Post # 12
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

About 2.5 years. I always made it clear that if marriage is something we both want that I thought about 2 years was a decent amount of timeto guage whether we want to make that commitment to each other. We celebrated our 2 year dating anniversary a week ago, and I found out that he just ordered the ring 😀 

That’s just what I feel is right for us/our situation though, definitely not a hard and fast rule. 

Post # 13
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

If I was younger I’d wait longer but given I’m *cough cough* 32 next week I’ve told my SO that he’s got until the end of next year. That being said, I know the ring’s been purchased so I don’t feel I’ll be waiting til then.

Post # 14
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would wait about 2 years total. I think talking about marriage by the one year mark is good and if there’s no positive movement in that regard I walk. I also don’t like the idea of living with a man pre engagement. Did it once – never again!

i just wanted to say generally DON’T  be afraid of walking away if it comes to it. I did and it felt like the hardest decision at the time but in hindesight it was so right. My ex was very “one day” and “we’ll see what happens”. It was heartbreaking but it made me stronger and I’m so much happier for it. I’m now engaged after one year with my FI and he’s just as excited about marriage as I am. No more maybe one day soon we’ll see nonsense. I could have stayed with my ex – we were happy. I could have moved in and not said anything and waited. If marriage wasn’t important to me it would have been fine. But it is and I would have resented him and felt insecure and I couldn’t live with that.

I’m totally not saying everybody should leave. I’m just saying don’t let fear be the reason you’re staying. If it’s important to you, be really strick and stick to your deadline. Hopefully you won’t need to!

Post # 15
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I have been with my SO for just over 5 years now and we are just NOW reaching the place of financial and living stability that we are about to become engaged. There is no perfect X number of years to do the right thing with the right person. It is however long you want to be with that person. He WANTS to marry me. He LOVES me. This is 100% certain. If I start to crave the ring or dress or walk down the isle more then being with him then there is a problem we need to talk about. And if he doesnt want to give me those things because he knows how important the RITUAL is to me, then at least he wants to make it offical and will jump through the hoop (or over the cliff) because he loves me enough to jump without looking.

It’s to relative of an answer 

Post # 16
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

He has until the end of next year. If there’s no ring or seriuosness about getting married, I’m walking. I know that sounds crazy but I was very honest with him when we first got together over 2 years ago, that I’m not dating to date anymore. I want to settle down and start a family.

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