(Closed) How long before you’re done waiting and it’s time to move on?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@CupcakeQueen:  If you’re ready to leave, more power to you for standing up for what you deserve!

I think you owe him a final explanation– just a “hey, I’m really serious about them and am considering leaving.”

Post # 4
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@CupcakeQueen:  It sounds like he wants to focus on school before bringing anything else to the table. Also you say hes not working, which sounds like hes not in a financially appropriate position to get engaged/married. But if you feel thats its time to move on, only you can make that decision.

Post # 5
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I gave myself a time line of 5 years.I don’t think I ever told him my time line. The closest I came was yelling at him, I will not wait 10 years for you to make up your mind! (That was after we had been dating 3 years and he told me he didn’t even think he would want to get married till at least age 30 or 35)

This April will be 5 years we have been together, He proposed last October.

Post # 7
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think that maybe you need to GIVE him a timeline. A realistic one, and see what he says about it. I told my Fiance before we were engaged, that I wanted to be engaged by our 2 year anniversary. That worked for US, but that obviously doesn’t work for everyone, I think before you leave, you need to tell him exactly what you need and give him the chance to meet that. If he doesn’t, then you’ll have your answer. My Fiance proposed to me three weeks shy of our 2 year anniversary! LOL

Post # 8
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@CupcakeQueen:  first of all im sorry your going through this….it sucks. I agree i thinks it time for you to make steps to move forward. I waiting 4 months from the time i brought it up (seriously) til the time he proposed. I gave him an ultimatum, he followed through and he tells me everyday how thankful he is that he asked me to be his wife.

Dont settle for less…you deserve so much better!

Post # 9
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I followed Patti Stanger’s (The Millionaire Matchmaker) rule. If marriage hasn’t been seriously brought up or action taken after 2 years it’s time to evaluate. It sounds like you’ve already made your choice & more power to you! There’s no reason to stay in a relationship that isn’t moving forward. 

Post # 11
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My SO and I have been together 7 years…we’ve lived off and on together for about 3 of those years.  Now that we’re older (I’m 27 and SO will 26 next month), we are finally at a point where we are ready to take the next step forward.  I’ve been waiting for about 8 months.

I know you didn’t ask for advice, but do you and SO talk about your future together?  Does he talk about marriage?  Guys tend to be very checklist driven…taking care of tasks and accomplishments they feel are important in order to make themselves “ready” for that next step in a relationship.  This could be school, house, money, paying off debt, traveling…what have you.  What does your SO’s timeline look like in terms of what he wants to take care of in life? 

I’m really sorry you feel this way.  It can certainly be frustrating but I think you will get a lot of great support here. 

 

Post # 12
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@CupcakeQueen:  Just curious, how old are you? Have you discussed marriage? Have you discussed what kind of wedding you would want? Is he planning on buying a house with you paying for some of it or just by himself?

Post # 13
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@asscherlover:  I 2nd this. If you haven’t talked about ANY of these….that’s a bad sign.

He needs to get it movin…..Honestly, I stayed with a guy for 1.5 years and could SEE it wasn’t going to end up in marriage (even though we were very happy). Then I met my current husband and knew within 6m that it would be happily ever after….he was just more serious about the future and not afraid to make decisions. I give you enouragment and support to do the best for you & your future.*hugs*

Post # 14
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think if you are questioning whether or not you are done, then you are done.  I don’t really think giving him a timeline is a great way to help him make a decision either, because to me it’s like giving him an ultimatum.  I just don’t feel that is the right way to go about a healthy relationship.  It’s either there or it isn’t.  If he wants to make a commitment to you, then he should do it on his own free will.   If he’s not ready after this amount of time, maybe he’s not the right guy. 

I just ran this by my Fiance, he said “If he’s on the fence, then it’s no.”

Post # 15
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you don’t want to discuss a timeline, I don’t know how you plan to address other serious life decisions with any man you marry. That seems odd that you don’t want to be honest and up front about what you want in life.

Post # 16
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’d definitely give him not an ultimatum, but a heads-up. “I don’t feel this relationship is moving forward. Marriage is a huge priority for me in life and I am done hoping it’s going to happen.” Then let him know you’re considering a move out or whatever the case may be. At the very least, ,maybe some time apart will bring the relationship more into focus for the both of you. Some men can get VERY lazy and complacent once cohabitation sets in.

The topic ‘How long before you’re done waiting and it’s time to move on?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors