(Closed) How long before you’re done waiting and it’s time to move on?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 77
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MrsBlueSeptember:  I think if you are questioning whether or not you are done, then you are done.


This EXACTLY. OP, I noticed you never once, in your whole post, said that you loved him. I am certainly not judging you for this, but I am recommending you look inside yourself and ask why this might be. It sucks to walk away from something comfortable that’s meeting many of your needs, but I can almost guarantee that there’s someone out there who wants the same things out of life you do, and he will make you deliriously happy. If you are not feeling this way about your SO–and it doesn’t sound like you are any more–then please, please don’t marry him. You both deserve better.

Post # 78
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Think long and hard before leaving..You don’t want him to propose just to stop the conflict, you want to reach a mutual agreement, and both be ready. Grad school aint easy. Maybe he just wants to wait? I’d ask him to be clear…Does he not want to be engaged because he’s unsure or because he feels unprepared? Personally, I feel unprepared. Being engaged brings about so much drama and stress, aswell as happiness. I can’t imagine what I’d do if I were in grad school ontop of all this!

Post # 79
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

personally, being in grad school has made me want to be engaged more. haha i’m going for my PhD though, so that’s more than a master’s, but most everyone around me is married or planning a wedding, and it has made me want that even more.

 

Post # 80
Member
27 posts
Newbee

His taking a couple of grad school classes a semester is hardly a reason to cite for the delay.

There may be other reasons, emotional issues and maturity issues, but whatever.  I know plenty of folks who have demanding 60 hour a week jobs, or are carrying 3 or 4 classes and even dissertations, who are getting other things done in their personal lives.

There’s more to the story, as OP indicated when she quoted his sarcastic remark.

Post # 81
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I posted my earlier comment to you before I read all of your other posts.  And you are right with the statistics.  After a 2-3 years, the longer you are with a guy, the less likely he is to propose.  Only you would know where you guys are in your relationship.  It sounds like you already made up your mind regarding whether or not you are willing to wait.  You seem very intelligent and independent and know exactly what you want.  I wish you the best.  =)

 

Post # 82
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee

@CupcakeQueen:  I commend you for making a decision.  And even if its not one i would choose, i think there must be underlying issues that are helping your decision.  Not just that he wont propose, but he isnt making a move toward your future together. 

Wishing you lots of luck if you do break if off and move out.  and stay around even if you arent waiting : )

Post # 83
Member
811 posts
Busy bee

I kinda relate to your story. My SO and I have been together 2 and a half year and living together for a year. His excuse for not being engaged is that he ‘wants to pay off the 25 year mortgage first – I’m 28 and we’re both old-fashioned so no wedding = no kids)

Starting to have negative feelings everytime I’m driving home fom work, not sure I want to be there anymore. Starting to resent him a bit because I feel like all he does is work and I never see him – not joking, we can go 3 weeks with only seeing each other for half an hour at a time. I just feel like I’mm so low in his priorities I’m not even on the list. Sometimes think I deserve better, othertimes I think he’s amazing lol

Post # 84
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My Fiance told me that that it wasn’t on his mind at the time, just so he would surprise me when he did purpose. Indeed, it worked because I lost hope after 2 years of being together b/c of what he said. Sometimes it makes me upset that he would say that just so I would be surprised… I know that he was forced engaged previously by his slutty ex who demanded to be engaged right away. They were only 18 and he later found it that she was cheating on him. Go figures… I was also given a ring before him, but I didn’t accept marriage because of my age (17 yr old). Anyway, he may be trying to get your mind off of the subject, so he could surprise you BIG TIME. Just a thought!

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