How long did it take you to feel super comfortable with SO's family?

posted 3 days ago in Relationships
  • poll: How long did it take
    We hit it off DAY ONE! : (9 votes)
    17 %
    Less than 6 months : (7 votes)
    13 %
    6 months : (3 votes)
    6 %
    1 Year : (3 votes)
    6 %
    2-3 Years : (10 votes)
    19 %
    Only after engagement, after marriage, after baby... : (0 votes)
    Hmmm...Been a few years but any day now.... : (7 votes)
    13 %
    Even longer : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Not gonna happen! : (12 votes)
    23 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    37 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2020 - Carlisle PA

    I wouldn’t say there is one normal timeframe. Even within one relationship. It all has to do with who is involved.

    My husband and I met as young children and I’ve known his dad and stepmom as long as I can remember, they’ve always been like my second set of parents. But his mother, who I’ve known just as long, is an individual I will never be able to get along with. She will never be family to me, even if I wish she could be. She makes it impossible. 

    On the other side, my husband is a little socially awkward and my family is very loud and outgoing, even though he’s known them since we were in first grade, he wasn’t really comfortable until 15-16. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    432 posts
    Helper bee

    I voted for “any day now”. Don’t get me wrong! They’re the absolute sweetest people in the world but I think the problem is I didn’t grow up in a large family (SO is Filipino) or one that was so loud and lovable. I’m a natural introvert and socially awkward but I’m slowly getting better every day by interacting with one relative at a time. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    189 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2020 - Concord, Ontario

    I have known my fiancée’s family for 3 years and we all hit it off since day one. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    717 posts
    Busy bee

    Well, it’s been 8 years and I still feel like I’m being careful when I’m around them. I suspect I always will. (I should note, my spouse’s parents and sibling are lovely wonderful kind generous people of whom I am very fond, but one is always less comfortable with people with whom the relationship is simultaneously very important, and forced. If things ever went bad with them it would be VERY BAD (not beause of their personalities, just because they are my in-laws and important to my spouse) so it’s important that we have good relations. That makes it inevitably different than other kinds of relationships. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    210 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2020

    I had a language barrier, we all got along well in the beginning though. They’re both doctors with amazing English skills, but I didn’t feel truly connected to them until I had learned fluent Norwegian, and that took about 3 years. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    727 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    With my husband – we hit it off day 1. I really like his family.

    With my ex-Fi – Never. We broke up because of them.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1122 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I feel comfortable around my husband’s dad and stepmom and siblings now, after a few years. His mom and stepdad are a different story. My husband hit it off with my family right away. They all adore him and he fits in better with them than with his own.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1266 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    I hit it off with my husbands family but I’m a very self aware person to the point of it making me overthink how I come across to people in my life sometimes. So while I love his family and they love me and we are family and close, it’s a work in progress. I still get a bit awkward if I have to make small talk with his mom for a while alone because she is a talker and would just keep going. I love her but I don’t love when everyone leaves the room and it’s just us and I know extricating myself to go join the group or my husband will be hard lol. 

    We’ve been together almost 3 years. I think it will take a few more years to really feel comfortable. They have a ton of extended family that we don’t see often because we live away from them so that will also take longer. Some are so extended that they hardly know who I am still lol. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    704 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I voted less than half a year but it’s a bit more complicated than that. My husband took me to meet his family 2-3 weeks into the relationship and they welcomed me with open arms. They are very loving people but his dad and brothers can be difficult. His mum is an angel and needs to be protected at all cost. His dad and one of his brothers helped us enormously when we were renovating and they’ve always been there for us. I do love them and I feel they love me. But even then families can be difficult. Mine is, too.

    Post # 12
    Member
    113 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2021

    I dont think there is an answer to this. My fiance’s family mostly live in another country so although I’ve seen them on a few occasions the experiences have been 50/50 and I am not the most comfortable around all of them. But his dad lives in the same country as us and we see him regularly and I love him like an uncle, he is a bit of a second dad. So maybe it’s all dependent on how often you see them, and its definitly dependant on personalities

    Post # 13
    Member
    1374 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I’ll let you know when it happens, lol. 6 years and counting. Doesn’t help his siblings are assholes

    Post # 14
    Member
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I do not expect to ever feel super comfortable with my inlaws. I really don’t ever feel comfortable around anyone haha. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1151 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

    We’ve been together for 2.5 years and married for 9 months. I voted any day now, because I’ve just become sort of comfy to joke around them and communicate on casual stuff. 

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