How long did you agree to wait for?

posted 3 months ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

Before the winter holidays in December, 2018 we agreed to a timeline of one year (I further want to stress that this was not an ultimatium). My SO has stated that it could happen “anytime in 2019”; however, I believe that this is to ‘distract’ me from the obvious vacation that we are taking in June, 2019 (he thinks he is sneaky – haha!)

With the previously stated in mind – our first serious conversation about marriage was in September, 2018. If my suspicions are correct and we consider the amount of time “waiting” from the date of our serious conversation to our vacation it will be approximately 9 months.

Post # 17
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

We dated when we were teenagers for a couple of years, then reconnected in our mid-20’s and had been together 3.5 years (so almost 6 years combined total) when he proposed. I’d told him in earlier discussions about the future that I wanted to at least be engaged before I turned 30, so he had a two-year timeframe, but he totally surprised me and popped the question just over a year into the timeline.

Post # 18
Member
965 posts
Busy bee

No real “waiting” period. I was 26, he was in his early 30s. We met and began dating immediately without a former friendship. I told him very early on that I have a 2 year timeframe for all relationships, and that has always been true. To me, after a certain age bracket/dating experiences/education/career, someone is established enough in life to know whether or not someone fits with them.

So somewhere at the 4 month dating mark we talked about it as my definitive dating pattern, only giving someone two years of my time. I moved in with him after a year of dating, and at that time when we settled in I reminded him of my “test” window once before the actual move day and told him he had another year remaining before he was out of time. I think he proposed something around 18 months into our relationship. Honestly, it was sooner than I expected, and I wasn’t quite ready myself. We were married in under 3 years from meeting.

Post # 19
Member
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

lili91 :  Lol we booked a nice hotel for our anniversary too, and as we were checking in we saw this couple outside getting married. He was asking me about what kind of wedding we wanted to have and stuff like that so I was convinced that it would happen….but no proposal lmao!! yell It was super weird because he said he wanted to get married and all this but wouldn’t propose. He was just waiting for the stupid ring to come in. SMH lol 

Post # 21
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

we were already together 5 years when i suddenly asked him to marry me, i told him i wasnt going to waste my time if i wasnt the one for him. we knew we wanted to move in togther but we needed to be married first. two months later a day after my bday he proposed and a month later we got  married and moved.

i think its a lot more difficult to get the guy to marry you once you already live togther. 

Post # 22
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

After we dated nearly 2 years, I set a year timeline to get engaged.  Didn’t have to worry because after that talk we got engaged a couple months after.

Post # 23
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - City, State

My SO and I have been together for 2 years, and were close friends for almost 4 years before we were a couple, so we knew pretty soon into our relationship that we wanted to get married – it was just a matter of when. After discussing it at length we both decided towards the end of last year that getting married in 2020 works for us, although we haven’t told anyone about this yet apart from immediate family.

Even though that was a mutual decision, I still want a proposal and a ring and he really wanted to plan something nice as a suprise! We decided that he’ll propose within the first few months of 2019 just so we have enough time to plan. I don’t know when it’ll be, but have a hunch he’ll do it when we go back to his hometown to visit his family in mid March!

Post # 24
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

When FH and I first started dating he said that he would never think of proposing to someone before the two year mark, and I said “well that’s fine as long as you’re ok only having one kid.  Either than or you’re going to need to find someone younger than me.”  We’re in our early 30’s and I told him I did not want to have kids into my late 30’s, so if he wanted 2-3 kids he was going to need to speed up that timeline a bit.  I never gave him an ultimatum or a deadline or anything, but that conversation was enough for him to sort of go “oh…I didn’t think of that.”  He led the conversations from then on and ended up proposing when we had been dating for about 11 months total.

Post # 25
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Hmmm… It’s hard to really say. When we had our talk about timelines for getting engaged/married, it wasn’t like I was saying, “Hey when are you going to propose??” and he was trying to say he didn’t want to propose for X amount of time and we had to compromise to agree on a timeline or whatever. So I was never like, “Okay I’ll agree to wait for X amount of time.” We just talked about when it made sense for us to get engaged/married. I wanted to buy a single family home first, which we estimated would take about a year (since I’d be going through the first time homebuyer’s program, which required a minimum of 10 months in the program).

So that talk was in late August 2017. We also established that we wanted to get married by fall 2019. So we couldn’t begin the timeline until approximately summer 2018 (when I’d realistically close on the house), and we wanted to get engaged by fall 2018 so we’d have about a year to plan the wedding (if we didn’t find a house by then, we were just going to get engaged anyway).

So I guess to answer your question, I’d say I agreed to wait a bit over a year from that timeline discussion, but since the timeline didn’t BEGIN until a year from then (per my own desires, not just his), I’d say I really only agreed to wait for a couple of months.

I closed on my house mid August 2018, he proposed at the end of September 2018. So technically I was waiting for about a month and a half, but it didn’t feel like it, because we were so busy with the house and renovating his duplex we just moved out of, that I hadn’t been expecting a proposal before then anyway. I also suspected he’d propose on our vacation to Ireland in late September/early October, and he proposed the first night of our vacation, so I really didn’t feel like I was waiting at all. 

Post # 26
Hostess
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

lili91 :  D.H. and I started dating young (18) and never really discussed a timeline.  We both were happy enjoying our relationship as we worked through college and our respective graduate degrees.  Shortly after college, D.H. made an off-handed comment that he saw us getting married at 27, and that’s what we ended up doing.  One of our friends had a fall wedding when I was finishing up law school and we both commented that that’s what we would like.  He proposed a few months after that.   

My friends who had timeline conversations with their S.O.’s ultimately had a agreements that their S.O.’s followed through with, though usually at the tail end of the time period.  

Post # 27
Member
10 posts
Newbee

lili91 :  Really interesting reading all the different responses to this. 

Ive been with my SO for just over 4 years and weirdly I found years 2/3 harder in terms of being angsty about waiting. 

We had a few serious timeline discussions around 2.5 years in which were more grounded in reality and our respective situations. We said that 2019 would be the year, and I think his plan might be coming to fruition in the next month (argh! Yay!) 

This past year, because I think I know what the ‘plan’ is- I’m a lot more laid back about it mentally, because I trust him. A timeline was 100% the reason for that…if we hadn’t done that I’d be freaking out most likely, making engagement chickens every second day like nobodies business haha

 

Edit: Although I did make it clear (not ultimatium) that if it gets to 5 years (December) then I would seriously be wondering what the hell was going on. 

Post # 28
Member
10 posts
Newbee

canadianbee91 :  Just wanted to say I am in the same boat with the ‘sneaky’ ‘anytime in 2019’ boyfriend lol. I am usually pretty observant and he has accidentally outed his plan a couple times, but funnily enough….I have not clocked on to his plans **wink wink**

I actually find it adorable that he’s being secretive (well, as secretive as he can be) and I would hate to ruin it for him. 

Got my fingers crossed for you! 

Post # 29
Member
1655 posts
Bumble bee

We discussed engagement starting at about 5 months in. We decided to move in together at about 7 months in and at that time I let him know that i did not want to move in together unless we were serious about getting engaged soon. He agreed. I let him know that after we moved in together he had a year to propose. At this point we have been together for a year and 3 months and we agreed that he would propose by June. I think I picked June because i wanted to be able to get married a few months after that as I am 34 and he is 33 and want kids soon. No reason to wait when you know. The sooner he proposes the sooner I can plan the wedding for, so hoping he proposes before June, but if not the plan would be wedding in September. So if he proposes by June that is technically after living together for 7 months total. So earlier than my original 1 year statement. 

Now I am waiting, but only this week did i really feel i was waiting for the first time. He mentioned he was getting me something for Valentines day and I got a little excited. I highly doubt he is ready so fast, or has the ring that quick, but for now it is kinda fun to think its coming and guessing when. haha. 

Post # 30
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

We had a rough timeline in mind when we started living together March 2016 – we started dating October 2014.  We both wanted to live together at least 2 years before getting married.  It became a normal topic to discuss “when we get married…”  “after we’re married…” “at our wedding I want…”  

I knew a proposal was in the works but not the how or when of it so I was still surprised.  He officially asked September 2017, and told me he wanted to be engaged at least a year.  We were engaged about 3 months before we began seriously planning and it worked out that June 2019 was best for all involved, including our finances.  

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