How long did you agree to wait for?

posted 4 months ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
1836 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

lili91 :  About three months into our relationship, my husband started talking about marriage and how that’s something he wanted. That brought up timeframes, and I said that I wouldn’t want to be dating someone for longer than 1 to 1.5 years without the formal commitment of a proposal and engagement. He agreed that sounded fair. At about 5 months in, he brought up marriage again as something he wanted with me specifically. He proposed at 10 months.

For reference, we met at 26(me) and almost 28(him), and we both have the mindset that the purpose of dating is to meet your future spouse. 

Post # 32
Member
36 posts
Newbee

A year. I was friends with my husband for like a year before we officially began dating, I knew that he had previously been in a ralationship for almost 9 years on and off. And I explained that that I date to see if this person is the right person for me. (I was almost 30 and was not interestd in dating for “sport”). And if he wasnt interested in marriage in the future, that was totally okay, but that I wouldn’t be the person for him.  He said that he was absolutely interested in marriage and he proposed 10 months in.  

Post # 33
Member
2865 posts
Sugar bee

Mines a little inverted because I wanted to wait longer than he did. 

We started talking about marriage a few months into dating and he was ready to get engaged at  6-8 months, but I told him he had to wait until we’d been dating 1 – 2 years to propose. (I knew I wanted to marry him, but i wasn’t excited about planning the wedding and I was a little nervous people would think we were rushing things.)

He proposed at 14 months, but I would have been happy to wait 2 years. (we were 29/30) Here most people date for at least 2-3 years before getting engaged. 

 

Post # 34
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee

The first time around, we were at the 3 year mark when we moved in together.  I told him that if we weren’t engaged in a year, then I would be moving on and asking him to find his own place.   He pulled the “I want to see how things go living together before we get engaged” line.  I wanted to make sure we were on the same page before we moved in together and intertwined our lives.  Looking back, the writing was on the wall with that relationship, I just chose to ignore it.  Anyways, he proposed about 8 months in.

This time around we had a talk about marriage about 1.5 years into the relationship.  He said he wasn’t ready, which was fine, but instead of giving a timeline, I said that I did want to get married and wouldn’t wait around forever.  And I meant it.  I went through this rigmarole before, so I knew what I needed to do for me.  If it didn’t happen naturally, I wasn’t going to force it.  It just so happens when I was ready, he was also ready.  We decided to buy the ring before we moved in together and then he proposed a couple months later.  

Timelines are great, but if you aren’t fully prepared to leave if he doesn’t meet your deadline, then you are doing yourself a disservice.

 

Post # 35
Member
429 posts
Helper bee

Started seriously discussing 2 years in. Timeline from then was about 8-9 months. He proposed earlier than expected (6 months). We got married a little more than a year later. 

I don’t think I could have waited more than a year.

Post # 36
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

lili91 :  When we had been together for 3 years, I told him that if we weren’t engaged by 5 years, I was out. He proposed a year later and we got married 9 months after that. We had both been married before, lived together, and both had kids and weren’t going to have any together. If any of those things weren’t the case, it may have change things. 

Post # 37
Member
6 posts
Newbee

hopefulbeean  and canadianbee91 :  Your posts make me laugh a little because my partner and I agreed upon a year very recently, but he was hesitant to even tell me that because he “doesn’t want to ruin a surprise” and I’m 99% sure he’ll do it when we go on a large overseas trip in August, so telling me a year timeline would give it away… Men are hilarious when they think they’re being sneaky.

As for the original question, he actually only gave me an official timeline last week when he told me he planned to propose within a year. I think our vacation is when it’ll happen but considering he seems really excited to do it/like he might not want to wait and we also have his birthday (March), our 2nd anniversary (April), his law school graduation (May), Fourth of July (when I first told him I loved him), my birthday (September), move in together (October), Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day in the next year, I honestly can’t say for sure. We’ve discussed marriage multiple times before but never with a solid timeline. Sometime mid to late last year was the first time he confirmed that he wanted to marry me and no one else, he just wasn’t sure about the timing then.

Post # 38
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I set my own internal limit of five years. Just knew I could not stay a girlfriend for ever without feeling really disappointed and rejected. However, I never wanted to say anything. I don’t know why. I guess I felt I would never know if engagement was what he really wanted or I had to push him into it. I was going to break it off if five years passed without a proposal. A little before the five year mark he proposed.

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