How long did you have to wait?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We dated 7 years (knew each other the same length of time) but I would say I was only “waiting” for the last 1.5ish years as that’s around when I felt ready and was waiting for him to so be ready. And I knew exactly what we were waiting for so I didn’t feel in the dark about when it was coming.

Post # 3
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

We got engaged a few months short of our 8 year anniversary. It was a joint decision, not a surprise. We had discussed it for many years but decided to not get engaged until we actually could be bothered to plan a wedding. We had been what we would consider ‘as good as engaged’ for many many years.

Post # 4
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2022 - Maui

We had a talk when we first started dating about when we expected to be engaged and married in a relationship that was progressing healthily and we were on the same page. Have you talked to him about if he even sees himself as married, and when he thinks heʻd be ready for that step?

Post # 7
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We got engaged at 25.

No, it wasn’t hard to wait.

No, it didn’t cause fights.

My husband didn’t give me vague answers as to why he wasn’t ready. He gave me specific goals he wanted to accomplish beforehand, all of which seemed reasonable, and was making a visible effort to reach those goals. Once the last box had been checked we went shopping for an engagement ring and he proposed about 5 months later. 

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forlorn :  

Post # 8
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

dated two years and a month. We had a serious talk when he didn’t propose by 2 years (I’m 30 and want to ave kids soonish, which I told him very early in our relationship), but he said he was on the same page and already had it planned. We knew eachother for about two and a half years at that point. 

Post # 9
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2022 - Maui

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forlorn :  Iʻm a little worried he seems so defensive about it? You two should be equal partners having a mature conversation about your futures and expectations. My fear is that he is throwing a fit to guilt you about asking and thatʻs not right. If you find yourself in a calm casual place just hanging out talking, Iʻd try to approach him about his expectations about engagments and marriage and see what happens. If he turns it into an argument every time, thatʻs not a good sign.

Post # 10
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I was with my now fiance for 2 years before we even spoke about marriage for the first time. We started dating when we were both 23, and neither of us were even close to ready when we began dating.

When we did start discussing it, he made it seem very clear that he was ready, and would be proposing in the near future. We even went ring shopping about 6 months after we started talking about it. Well, I ended up waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

All-in-all, I waited about a year and a half. It was awful and I hated every second of it. I thought many times about leaving – especially as I watched people that we knew get engaged and married. It’s a very ugly thing, but it’s extremely difficult not to envy other people that are in a situation that you feel like you should be in. My issue wasn’t that we had been together too long, it was that he made it seem like he was about to do something when in reality, he ended up dragging it out until the last possible second that I was willing to wait.

Waiting is really hard. It sounds dramatic, but it’s one of the hardest things that I have had to go through in my life. It put my relationship into really dangerous territory, and I really wasn’t sure that we’d get through it intact. I had this man that I absolutely loved with everything in me, but I felt like he was telling me what I wanted to hear rather than acting on his words, and it created A LOT of resentment. Now that we are engaged, I can see that it was nerves that played the biggest role in all of this. My fiance was scared – marriage is a big deal and sometimes men are a bit more reluctant to enter into it than women are. Not all men, but some. I was really afraid that I would carry my resentment with me for the rest of my life, but I can say, honestly, that it is completely gone. It feels like a different person and a different life.

If you’re already starting to get anxious, the best thing you can do is keep an open line of ocmmunication, or you will start to feel resentment. Don’t rush him, but try to get a feel for where he is right now.

Post # 11
Member
2323 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

My husband proposed after we’d been dating for like a year and a half, maybe a little longer. We’d known each other a little longer than that. He started looking for the ring after we’d been dating for about a year. 

I never considered myself to be “waiting” though 

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forlorn :  

Post # 12
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

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forlorn :  we met at 18, got together at 19 and always knew that was it from the start. We probably first had a conversation about getting married one day when we were 22ish (although prior to that it was just a given as we both knew we would stay together). He told me to start thinking about what ring I would like at the start of 2017. We moved into a rented flat together in May 2017 and bought our first home together in June 2018. I didn’t decide on a ring till mid 2018 and it arrived in September 2018. We got engaged in November 2018. I would say from the very start of our relationship we mutually knew we would get married one day.

As you can probably tell from this timeline we weren’t in a hurry to do the engaged and marriage thing. Even now we are engaged we don’t feel that our relationship has changed at all, the only difference is that now we are planning a really cool party alongside our normal daily life together.

What I will say is that never once did conversations about it cause an argument and never once have we not been on the same page about it. It was also never used as a bargaining chip in an argument, which I read a lot about happening on these boards. 

Post # 13
Member
4515 posts
Honey bee

We were together just under 1.5 years when we had our first discussion about marriage.  It was emotional (probably because there was alcohol involved), but not heated.  He wasn’t quite ready, but we had a really nice, adult conversation about it and it really helped me to just relax and back off of the subject completely. 

Then just over a year later, he had the opportunity to relocate for a new position and wanted me to come with him.  We talked it over and I said that I would need us to be engaged in order for me to uproot my life.  It was important for me to know that we were on the same page about marriage and our future and he agreed.  

The relocation never happened, but we decided that we would live together and picked out the ring and had it in our possession before the big move.  Then he officially proposed about 4 months later. which was almost exactly 2 months shy of our 3 year anniversary.

 

Post # 14
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

We knew each other and were dating for 5 years when he proposed (actually, the day before our 5th anniversary). We started dating at ages 38 and 39. We took our time because there just didn’t seem to be a reason to rush. It was fun getting to know each other at our own pace. We became facebook friends after 5 months, said “I love you” after a year and 2 months, and moved in together after 3.5 years. I guess I was ready to be engaged about 8 months before he proposed. Marriage wasn’t really something that was important to my husband, but once I indicated that it was important to me, he was on board. It was fun and exciting “waiting” since there was no “will he or won’t he” drama, just “how and when.”

Post # 15
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

We were together for just under 1.5 years when we got engaged. 

Engsgment and marriage were openly discussed pretty early on (we are both in our early to mid 30s). 

There was no drama, no fighting. We started looking at rings around month 8. It took a couple of months to get the diamond we wanted and to get the setting right. I think he had the ring for a few months before he proposed. 

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