How long did you have to wait?

posted 7 months ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
1384 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My situation is not the norm. My husband and I knew each other all of 3 weeks before he proposed. We had a long engagement though, 2 years and  knowing we were engaged really helped me wrap my head around the idea of “forever” because before i met him i was sure marriage wasn’t for me! 7 years later we’re still together! Life is always full of surprises 😊

Post # 17
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

I guess I waited a few months? I think I started having thoughts of marriage after a year and a few months (after we moved in together). I asked him in October when I had some liquid courage what he would do if I proposed to him, and he said, “yes, but I want to do it because I have a good idea.” Them maybe a week later he asked me my ringpreferences. We decided to do a custom design, which came in early January. He proposed a week later. He originally wanted to wait until our second anniversary or after I graduated, but we decided we both knew, so why wait?

Post # 18
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

We started dating at ages 26/36, and got engaged at 29/39. I realized in Fall 2018 that I was pretty ready, and now-FI and I started discussing it. We live together, and he wanted it to be a surprise. I’m a fairly anxious person who hates surprises, so we had a talk in late Fall and came to the compromise that we’d ring shop together, then I’d take a step back and he could plan the rest within a reasonable time frame. We went shopping a few weeks after that conversation, and he proposed a few days after the ring came in. 

I will say, having lurked on the Waiting boards (I stumbled upon WB when I was a bridesmaid in a million weddings), that I don’t know what I think about them. So many of the posts are by women who probably know deep down that it isn’t going to happen, or they wouldn’t be posting. It’s also really easy to internalize the idea that your SO doesn’t want to propose if they’re not beating down your door to do it a year into a relationship. A relationship is the joining of two people, and it’s unlikely that any two people will be 100% ready for things at exactly the same moment in time. On the other hand, I do think that if the two of you aren’t enough on the same page to openly discuss it and be ready in roughly the same amount of time, and it leads to this “waiting” phenomenon, that it probably doesn’t bode well for most people…

Post # 19
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

forlorn :  My fiance told me around 6 months of dating that he knew he would marry me and he was only waiting to ask for formaility. Then he proposed on our one year annniversary.

We met on our first date.

Ill add that we were both 34 years old when when met. Both previously married and with kids. So in that situation we were both dating seriously. I wasnt in a rush, in fact I was mostly single for 7 years… but we knew quickly that this was it. Time has only confirmed that.

Post # 20
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I was “waiting” for two years, together for 11 (started dating in high school and long distance for five years while I was in grad school). I considered waiting to be when I told my SO I was ready to get engaged, and he told me I “wouldn’t have to wait long.” 

I didn’t establish an actual timeline with my SO, and that ended up being a problem because we had significantly different timelines in our heads. We only talked about engagement five times total over those two years, and four out of those five times were initiated by me. And the discussions were not very productive because my SO was defensive and I accepted his excuses each time.

I regret accepting his excuses without establishing a timeline I could hold him to. I believe there was a three month span in 2017 during which he may have been having doubts about the relationship, but the rest of the time he just wasn’t prioritizing the engagement and was procrastinating. I regret accepting that.

He and I are now in couples counselling to address the communication issues that became apparent. Fortunately he has been on board and participating, and he has been willing to hear my concerns about his defensiveness and reflect on why he acted that way. And for my part I am acknowledging how I’ve contributed to our unproductive conversations in the past.

If my SO hadn’t been open to counselling, I don’t know if I would be able to reconcile the resentment that developed from waiting.

Post # 21
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I guess that depends on what you consider waiting. After my fiance got the ring it took him two months to propose. He was very eager to propose, but was waiting for our vacation that we had planned. We agreed on our plans very early on in our relationship and he stuck by them luckily. 

Post # 22
Member
1210 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I never actually “waited”. We started dating at 25, engaged at 27. I’d told him early on in the relationship I wanted to be dating someone at least 2 years before getting engaged. He was pretty ready and eager and only managed to wait until 1 week shy of 2 years to propose. 

Post # 23
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

forlorn :  I knew we were probably going to get married when we got to our 1yr dating anniversary, we had discussed it and looked at rings casually at that time but neither of us was really in a rush. I wouldn’t consider that time period “waiting”, just kind of like looking forward to “someday”. 

I really only felt like I was “waiting” after our 2yr anniversary, b/c he had taken me back to the jewelers a few months before our anniversary to confirm the style and my ring size so I thought for sure he’d do it then, but they ordered the wrong setting in. Womp womp. So I was actively waiting for two months after our 2yr anniversary until the ring came in. 

Post # 24
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

We’re both 24, getting engaged in the next month or so (not sure when but I know it’ll be by April so we have enough time to plan).

We’ve been together for 2 years but we met at uni when we were 18 and were very close friends for 4 years before getting into a proper relationship. I feel like if you know you want to get married, and you’re both independent adults and have had enough time to really get to know each other (live together, go on holidays, manage finances etc) then there’s no point in delaying it. 

Edit to clarify – we knew we were getting married really early on, it never even had to be said out loud. It was more a conversation of when and we spent some time deciding between 2020 and 2021 – decided on 2020 for sure last December so I’ve been “waiting” for the surprise proposal since then. Although really I knew he would wait until after his cousin’s wedding (which was last weekend) to propose so been waiting properly for like a day lol 😀   

Post # 25
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

hm2012 :  Love your story. I used to think people who knew right away were just people in lust who got lucky. Then I met my fiance and it was very clear right away on our first date that he was special. I think I was afraid to be impulsive or I would have “known” then. By the second date I knew, and so did he.

Post # 26
Member
2760 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

forlorn :  I didn’t wait, nor did I move in while we were just dating. (I like my options to be kept open)   He proposed (without prodding) after we had been dating a little over a year and a half. We then moved in together. 

Post # 27
Member
333 posts
Helper bee

I knew of my fiance for technically 15 years now. We were together for 2.5 years when he proposed. 

I was getting impatient after 1.5 years because I was 29 and thought the wait was a bit dumb at our age. He proposed right after I turned 30. Getting married 6 months later. 

People that didn’t know us a ton but saw us regularly throughout the 2.5 years (our fave bar for example) were genuinely surprised when we announced our engagement. They thought we were already married. 

Post # 28
Member
501 posts
Busy bee

Well I was on the flip side — my partner wanted to get enaged after we had been dating for about three years, and I wasn’t ready until about 5. I told him that I wasn’t ready and that I would propose to him when I was (which I did, at about 5 years– though half a year of that was various organizational complexities wherein my partner knew I was planning on proposing very soon)

Post # 29
Member
920 posts
Busy bee

We discussed marriage on our first date – as in, neither of us had any interest in getting married ever. 

We moved in together about 13-14 months later. About a month after that, I drunkenly told him I wanted to marry him and he said he wanted to marry me too. I refused to talk about it again for another 1.5 months, at which point we agreed we wanted to marry each other. He proposed a few weeks later. 

So, under a year and a half. We were 39 and 46 when we got engaged. 

Post # 30
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee

forlorn :  We were friends for a year. Then we dated for 3 years before we got engaged. We had the marriage talk 2.5 years into dating then he proposed 6 months later after that.

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