I’m not pregnant yet, but I can definitely sympathize with you. Darling Husband and I are both 23, and were married in October of 2012. I started having baby fever not long after we got engaged in February of 2009, but we both agreed that we wanted to wait to TTC until after we were married. We decided after the wedding that we would begin TTC at the beginning of 2013. I started taking prenatals and we began trying January 1st. I was tracking CM for ovulation prior to TTC, but I have not been able to do so since February. I went from maintaing a 28-day cycle for a year prior to having cycles ranging from 23-38 days in length after we began trying. AF has also been a bit different than usual.
In January, after we began trying, I saw a CNM who did some tests and deemed that we were fine to keep trying. She documented in my charts that she wanted me to come back in 3-5 months if we had not conceived yet. At our appointment at the beginning of the year, she was quite convinced she’d be seeing us soon, and didn’t think it was necessary to begin temping or using OPKs. Well, unfortunately, we haven’t had the luck we’d all been hoping for.
Each month that has gone by has been even more depressing than the last. I was sure I’d get pregnant right away. All the women in my family always got pregnant on their first time TTC, so I was hoping that would be the case with me.
This month, I am trying to relieve myself of the stress I’ve been holding onto because of all this. I must say, it’s super hard to do so. Going on Facebook has definitely become difficult for me. I have had many friends get pregnant or give birth recently. Some pregnancies were planned and others were not. I always find myself wondering what I am doing wrong, or why it is so easy for those who weren’t trying.
What’s even harder for me to deal with revolves around my own family. I am the eldest of three children, have been with Darling Husband since our freshman year of high school, and have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. I assumed these factors would lead to me starting a family before my siblings, and having the first grandchildren for my parents (and DH’s), but that dream faded in December 2011, when my 19 year-old (then 18) brother and his fiance (then girlfriend) announced they were unexpectedly expecting. I have always done my best to put on a happy face for them, but inside it kills me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my niece, who was born in August of 2012, I just wish I were blessed with a little one as well. She is a wonderful, beautiful, smart child, but it hurts quite a lot hearing over and over again (mostly from my mother) how perfect she is. I am happy that she is now a proud grandmother, but it just eats away at me.
Anyway, extremely long story short, I get what you’re feeling. I hope making things less stressful will help for both you and me. Wishing you all the best, and may we both receive our BFP soon!