(Closed) How long did you wait (in 30's)

posted 8 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 17
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We want kids. I’m 32 right now, I met him when I was 31. He is younger than me. We decided after about a year that we were going to get married. We’re planning the wedding now but won’t be formally engaged until after I meet his parents this Christmas. 

Anyhow, we made the decision to get married after 9 months of dating, moved in together at a year and a half when my rooommate’s lease was up, and will have been together 2 years and 8 months by the time we get married. 

Kids and the US Immigration system were big motivators for us. We had to discuss serious things often and early. No being coy. 

In my 20s I would have wanted to date for longer. In my 20s I would have wanted to be completely surprised by an engagement out of nowhere and I never would have dated a younger man. Silly me.

It was very liberating how frank we were both able to be. I have never worried that I shouldn’t talk about our future or marriage with him because it’s pushy. That kind of thinking just seems so backward to me now.

Post # 18
Member
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We met at 29, were engaged at 30, and married at 31. We both knew what we wanted and there was no reason to delay. Fertility played no role in our timeline. Honestly, we weren’t kids anymore. We both lived and learned via the school of hard knocks, we had well established careers, were financially set, knew ourselves and our own needs, and knew that we had something precious that should be held onto forever. We got very real and very raw with each other early in the relationship as we worked through all of our scars from the past. When you have enough bad relationships and crap under your belt, it makes it really easy to recognize an amazing one, appreciate it, and want to take all steps that are appropriate to cement it.

 

Post # 20
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Tatertot2003:  I think dating in your 30s is an entirely different experience than dating in your teens/20s (even though I am still in my 20s :). Not only is it more socially acceptable for an older couple to become engaged after a short span of time, I think both of you know more about who you are, where you want to work and live, what type of lifestyle you plan to follow, whether you want children, AND are much more open to discussing these topics with each other than a younger couple. If you are compatible in these areas, I think you have a fantastic chance of having a successful marriage, as opposed to a very young couple who dated for many years but do not have these essentials figured out. My fiance and I have been dating since we were 19 and will both be 26 when we marry this summer. We have essentially grown into adults during the course of our relationship and had to adjust to various life changes (educational pursuits and career opportunities that required us to move or endure financial burdens). It seems that you two already have these things figured out, so I say go for it! As long as you’re both ready, get married and have babies Wink

Post # 21
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I met Dear Fiance when I was 30. We talked about the future pretty quickly and I moved in a few months later when I was 31. We got engaged when I was 32, will be married at 33, and we plan to start TTC right away. My fertility somewhat played into it. I was hoping to have a kid before I was 35.

Post # 22
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My fiance and I met when we were 30.  We had been together 3 1/2 years when he proposed, and will be getting married just shy of being together 5 years… That said, if I had it my way we would have been married in the first year.  I knew when I met him, but he likes to take things slow (very traditional.)  It’s fine, because I wasn’t going anywhere.  I think you should do what feels right for you!  Don’t worry about what “timeline” is right.

Post # 23
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2014

i’m 34, he’s 37 – we met 2 years ago (at 32 and 35). Both never married, no kids.

 

He had just moved to NYC from London a few months before we met. We were an official couple at the 2 month mark (hello NYC dating scene), moved in together after 14 months of dating, and engaged at exactly 18 months. We get married this december so it’ll be 2.5 years total.

 

BUT with that said – I was very clear (without being clingly or putting pressure) from the onset that I was looking for a long term serious relationship and i would not live with another man if we wern’t engaged – or just about engaged. He agreed.

 

So when he brought up moving in together at the year mark I again reminded him and he said he was hearing me loud and clear. Got suprised on xmas day after living together a little over 3 months.

 

We both want kids so i’m happy with the timeline.

Post # 24
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Tatertot2003:  I was 29 when I met my FH in April 2008 (he was 30), so we’ve spent most of our togetherness as thirtysomethings. 🙂

We moved in together seven months in, got engaged 2 years and 10 months in, bought our house together 4 years and 2 months in, and will be married in less than 2 months. 

 

Post # 25
Member
1899 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I met my Fiance at 28 (he was 31), and after exactly two years of dating, he proposed. I was pretty clear with what I wanted once we moved in together after dating one year. I told him that I see no reason why a proposal could not happen in 2013 – I mean, in your late 20s-30s, you should pretty much have a good idea as to whether a person has potential for marriage or not, right?

A PP (or PPs) mentioned above that it’s the norm to only get engaged after a year or two years if you are older. However, what surprised me is how many people asked if I was pregnant (RUDE!) b/c we got engaged on July 14th and are getting married on November 8th of the same year. No, I’m not pregnant – we just have a lot of stuff coming up in 2014 so we want to have the wedding taken care of in 2013. Just how things worked out for us. It’s not perfect, but at the end of the day, I’ll be married to my boo, and he will be married to his boo-ette… And that’s what matters. 

Post # 26
Member
2842 posts
Sugar bee

@Tatertot2003:  I met my Fiance after 30, however he is still in his 20’s (he’s 27 now and will be 28 when we get married). I was married in my 20’s (21) and can’t say I regret it, but it was, sort of, destined to fail. I’m much happier and relaxed about things now. I am sure that this marriage will work, I learned a lot from my mistakes. Children are not an issue in this marriage though.

Post # 27
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

We met when I was almost 27 and he was 31, we got engaged after 9 months. Neither of us have been married before. I moved in after 6 months and we were going to wait awhile to get engaged but it just seemed silly to wait since it’s both what we want. We are going to wait until 2015 to marry but that’s just so that we have time to save up. I would’ve never thought I’d be engaged after only 9 months with someone but it is definitely what I want.

Post # 28
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We meant at 28 and got engaged about four months after our three-year anniversary. Like other people said, the older you are the sooner you know! I remember thinking on our very first date “I am going to marry this guy!”, which I had never thought before.

I would have LOVED to have been engaged and married sooner than we are but now that we are in the thick of the wedding planning, I realize he was right and this is the perfect time. Our relationship has never been better, and I don’t think we would have been ready any sooner. We will both be 32 and together four years when get married. Every couple is different! If the timing is right for relationship to do it very soon, go for it!

Post # 29
Member
3329 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We became a couple in May 2011, I moved in with SO March ’12. Became engaged April ’13 & wedding is planned for April ’15. Not TTC but if a happy accident were to happen. We’d cope. 

Post # 30
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I was 31 and he was 32 when we met, we were “together” 2 months later, and got engaged on our one year anniversary. We’ll be engaged 14 months exactly. We want kids and will probably start trying shortly after getting married.

Fiance has been married before and was dating because he really wants to be married and have a family. We knew we were a good fit, we weren’t going to change much, so there wasn’t really anything else to wait for.

He was convinced I had a timeline of a year and if we weren’t engaged by then I would break up with him. Not true at all and I told him so, but it didn’t matter-HIS timeline was a year, and he didn’t want to go over it.

Post # 31
Member
1673 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We’ll be together just shy of 2.5 years when we marry. 🙂

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