How long did your partner take?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
6 posts
Newbee

Hi, I´m not engaged yet, but my bf asked what my ring size is in February. Unfortunately, I had no idea but I´ve shown him a ring which fits my finger and then.. nothing. Few weeks ago, he told me that the question is comming soon and that ring went missing and hasn´t reappeared yet. We´re going on vacation in less than 2 weeks, so I guess he´ll propose there. I´d suggest not mentioning weddings or marriage. If he feels being forced, he won´t propose.

Post # 4
Member
11338 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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waiting1218 :  

Men don’t get to hold all the cards unless we let them.

Have you told your bf how you truly feel, or are you trying to be Cool Girl, when you’re not?

Post # 5
Member
6 posts
Newbee

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waiting1218 :  I also believe that proposal and marriage is way too important to be done one-sided only. We have discussed if and when we want to get married, if we want kids/when/how many, where we want to live, etc. I believe that the proposal itself can be a surprise organized by the man, but the idea of marriage shouldn´t be. We´re not engaged, but we live together for about a year and have already agreed to start trying for a baby in January 2019 and get married in winter/spring 2019 because I don´t want to have a big belly on wedding pictures. Therefore the proposal is a formality which says “let´s start planning”. Funny that I was talking about it a lot and he didn´t have much to say about it, but when I stopped mentioning marriage, wedding, etc., he suddenly started to bring up this topic. I´ve noticed that my ring is missing more than a week ago but haven´t told him, I don´t want to ruin his plans.

Post # 7
Member
11338 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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waiting1218 :  

You can seize control over your future any time you choose.  Your bf does not own your engagement.  If you feel as if he’s taking too long, tell him.

What does he say when you bring it up?  What reasons does he give you for not being ready?  What would have to happen for him to feel ready?

You absolutely do not have to sit passively by and let your bf make your major life decisions.  Take your power back.  If you have no more time left to give him, say that.  We can’t give what we don’t have.

It sounds like he’s got a hall pass until the end of the year. You don’t have to stick to that timeline, if it’s not comfortable.  But, communicate.

 

Post # 8
Member
3805 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

He asked me for pictures of rings I liked about 3 years into dating but was clear that he just wanted to have an idea of what to be saving since he knew nothing ahout jewelry and that he wanted to wait a couple more years. I was perfectly fine with that as I was about to start grad school and preferred to wait. Around the 4 and a half year point he started asking more specific questions regarding rings and I suggested we go to some stores to actually look at rings. We went to several local jewelers and I picked out 3 rings that I really liked and told him I would be happy with any of them or any ring that was similar to them. That was in the summer. He ended up proposing the following March, a few months before I graduated with my Masters. We were always on the same page though. Communication is key. 

Post # 10
Member
3009 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Once he started seriously looking/shopping, bought a ring and proposed within 2 weeks.

Im really sorry that he’s dragging his feet on this bee 🙁 I agree that it should be a mutual decision to get engaged, not the man holding all the power.

Post # 11
Member
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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waiting1218 :  1 year and 2 months between deciding to get married and the ring actually being placed on my finger. But my situation was a bit different because we started actively wedding planning before he even officially proposed. 

I think you should keep the lines of communication open but if the agreement is that he has until the end of the year to propose, give him time.

Post # 12
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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waiting1218 :  my husband only bought the ring ~6hrs before he proposed. The fact that your Boyfriend or Best Friend has not yet bought the ring doesn’t necessarily mean a proposal is months away.

Post # 13
Member
731 posts
Busy bee

You are right- it isn’t fair that men hold all the power in proposing——Abe they dont have to. I (a woman) told my husband I would be the one to propose——and I did. My view is whomever is most reluctant should do it so all parties know the other is all in. Often that is the woman. 

If you know you are ready and you think he is too—- you don’t have to wait. Just propose!

Post # 14
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

I’m not engaged yet, but my SO and I decided we’d get married after my 2 oldest kids graduated from high school in a few years.  We then settled on engagement in 2019.  I have a ring for him and will be proposing on his birthday in April.  (He wanted a proposal haha).  Then he’ll propose to me within six months of my proposal.  I hold ALL the cards!   We started ring shopping a few months ago and he told me he found what might be the one.  But he wants to keep shopping since we have a little time.  So we’re enjoying the shopping!  Keep an open dialogue.  It’s possible to have a conversation without pressure and ultimatums. 

Post # 15
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I don’t know exactly how long it took him. It was maybe a week or something? He isn’t one to linger when trying to make a decision. It seems like he said he went to a couple of stores and then he picked it out. 

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