How long did your partner take?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

We had decided we’d get married by about 3-6 months. We tried to get a custom ring and that delayed things but he had paid for a ring. We got engaged officially (but with no ring) a little over a year in. He proposed (again and more romantically) with the ring about 2.5 years in. We got married 2.75 years in. The ENTIRE time we were both openly talking about it and there was no doubt about whether or not it was going to happen. I recommend you get better with communication or move on.

Post # 17
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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waiting1218 :  

I’ve just looked at your previous posts OP,  and I feel cross for and on  your behalf at all his messing about and stalling etc, all of which is damaging your self esteem (never  terribly robust to strart with I suspect? ) 

The situation is now that you feel not only humiilated at his evident reluctance  – I would too, I’d absolutely hate that feeling – but also hesitant to do or say anything   in case you are accused of the old Nagging/Pushing/Harassing/Cornering  number . You readily agree that this is your shared future , as many pps have said and I think you do believe it is, but you still can’t act as if it is .

Given the distance thing, and the fact that every meeting now is being tainted,  at least for you,  by the non-event of a proposal  and all the accompanying pain , write it.  

Send him a  detailed email laying out your concerns . Tell him you are humiliated and saddened by his apparent reluctance; that you have been made to feel discussions of your shared future are being labelled as you nagging etc; that  you feel sidelined  in decisions concerning your own  life . Tell him you are not begging or cajoling when  you say you don’t particularly  want a big wedding or an expensive ring. Tell him that what you do  want is to be engaged now,   and then, in not too long a time,  married to him. Tell him if he doesn’t want that, you need to know now.

Do not apologise or sell yourself short in any way , or indicate that a ring, any ring , will shut you up for a few years.  

The best result will be he sees the ‘error of his ways and you are married in a year . It is also possible he will buy a ring   and all mention  of when marriage will actually  happen is shut down for years, Or , he may say that he is trerribly sorry, but he doesn’t want to marry  you after all .

I hope for  the first option, I hope  you don’t allow  the second ,and I hope the last one isn’t true  Good luck OP.

 

Post # 18
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

3 months? But that’s only because we went custom with my e-ring and it took about 8 weeks to make. He proposed within a week of picking it up. 

Post # 19
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

Several months passed by while we were just casually ring shopping. But I wouldn’t let him purchase anything because I kept changing my mind (and the price range.) Went from a huge pear with a halo and pave setting to wanting a morganite to a small, warm oval solitaire in rose gold. But when I saw the perfect diamond on JA, I sent the link to my Fiance immediately and he ordered it then and there while at work. 

Post # 23
Member
3896 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
waiting1218 :  My husband wasted no time. We discussed our timeline and what kind of ring I wanted in July or August and he proposed way earlier than I expected on vacation in mid-October (I was thinking he’d do it around the holidays). I had no clue that he had the ring made. Unfortunately, none of us can magically know your boyfriend’s timeline. But you can speak with him and see where his head is at because getting engaged is a mutual decision. 

Post # 24
Member
2737 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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waiting1218 :  My (now) husband did everything behind my back as a surprise, I thought engagement wasn’t coming for another couple of years. I was fine with him doing it this way and not involving me, personally if he told me he was in the process of buying a ring but I didn’t know when the proposal was coming it would have been torture, so I’m glad he did it this way.

I believe it took him about a month or so to purchase the ring, meeting with a couple different diamond brokers, picking one, picking a diamond, having it ordered, and put into the setting. He held on to it for a couple months before proposing because he wanted to do it over a vacation we had planned.

Everyone’s timeline is going to be different.

Post # 25
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

After discussing that we’d like to get married middle of next year, he said he’d propose around or before Thanksgiving because that’s when he finishes his masters degree program. He gave me an idea of what he wanted to spend. I told him I want it to be more than ‘toy money’ (he has expensive toys) but less than downpayment money. We went ring shopping on 2 weekends and we picked the one we both liked. I think the whole process took about 2 months not including waiting for him to finish grad school.

I consider us to be unofficially engaged. He could technically propose to me already but I don’t want to make it official to the family or start planning a wedding yet. I want to celebrate his milestone achievement first! It’s a huge accomplishment and I don’t want our engagement to overshadow his achievement.

Post # 26
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

We dated for a little over a year. He bought the ring the day after Christmas and proposed on New Years day (evening). 

Post # 27
Member
3454 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

He had the money stashes away for it for a while (not sure how long TBH) but wanted to spread things out over a few years rather than making all these big changes all at once (we moved in together 9 months into our relationship, then bought a house together a year later and got a puppy the following Christmas). I had been kind of expecting a proposal last summer, but then when we got the puppy in the winter I had sort of assumed maybe this summer. Then he started a new job a few months ago so I figured we would put everything on hold for a while and wasn’t thinking it would happen until the new year, but he managed to surprise me on Canada Day with a ring.

I believe he started looking at ring a couple months before he bought it, but spent about 2 weeks having meetings with the jeweller, etc after he decided on the style before he bought the final product. He had it for about 2 weeks before he gave it to me.

If he’s got a pretty solid idea of what he wants to buy, I don’t think it is that complicated or long of a process.

Post # 28
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

View original reply
waiting1218 :  We bought the ring in December and he proposed in March, with a little prompting from me though. By that point we had already decided when we wanted to have the wedding, and I was getting frustrated waiting to make things official with my family. I had a chat with him and said that I was getting tired of waiting because we had already discussed things and decided on when we wanted the wedding to be, and it would make things easier to plan if my family knew we were engaged. 

I think open communication is vital in this situation. Definitely have a chat with him and be open

All the best bee x

Post # 29
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

So my now husband and I always knew we wanted to get married. 

We started talking about getting engaged and briefly went ring shopping in August of 2015. Then I picked out rings I really liked and sent them to him to choose from. That was within two months or so. I didn’t know at the time, but he bought my ring in December. And he didn’t propose until September!!! 

We weren’t in a rush and I didn’t talk a specific timeline because I knew he was proposing. There’s no need to bring up an engagement a lot if you know it’s happening. We were together about 2 1/2 years when he proposed and that was perfect timing IMO. 

I think if you and your SO have good communication and you have a rough timeline you should just let things fall in place. If that’s not concrete enough, then you should propose! 

Post # 30
Member
977 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I waited 7 years for a proposal that I no longer wanted. Then was mostly single for many years until meeting “the one”. Hes already talking engagement at 7 months. life is crazy LOL

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