(Closed) How long do I wait?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
2438 posts
Buzzing bee

I can only tell you what I would do.  I wouldn’t have moved in w/o a ring, and if I were in a relationship where my feelings and wants are disregarded, sorry, I would bail.  It’s too bad kids are being hurt, but I would want to show my children I respect myself too much to be used.

I’m sorry you are going thru this.

Post # 4
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I definitely don’t think moving in together was the best decision for you or your family. I don’t say that in a morally superior way–I lived together with an ex bf and I live together with my fiance. It just sounds like he is complacent and you are really unhappy. It sounds like your self-esteem is suffering because he won’t make up his mind. In turn, you are probably making him miserable by being “bitter.” Only you know how long you can take it. But please don’t settle than less than what you or your family need and deserve. (I’m not saying he isn’t a good guy. He may be great. But you aren’t getting what you need.)

Post # 5
928 posts
Busy bee

If you regret moving in, then undo it and move out. Keep dating and hope it progresses after you move out. Of it doesn’t, make the decision to end things. You’ll know when you’re done waiting.

Post # 6
297 posts
Helper bee

If something happens to him, they will not let you in to see him in the hospital- he could die and you’dnever get the chance to say “good-bye” 🙁 have you given this reason? do it! then I would tell him I can’t live like this. If he’s not going to get married then I’d make him move out, or at least pack his stuff and move him into another room. Treat him like a housemate not a lover, and do not cook for him or do his laundry or watch his kids. Separate yourself from him emotionally, look strong and independent (even if you have to fake it at first)- he’ll either come back begging or leave, and you’ll be better off.

Post # 7
3312 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

His arguments are specious. A marriage certificate is a hell of a lot more than a piece of paper. Anyone with half a brain knows the reasons why. I would be very concerned that he’s not taking your needs into account at all. In fact he is minimizing them and trying to make you feel bad about having this very reasonable need. And this is why I would never live with someone before being engaged and why I told my daughter the same thing and it’s worked out well for her. It sounds old fashioned and in fact I remember my grandmother giving me the same advice lol, but I believe there’s some wisdom in it. 

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