(Closed) How long do I wait?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Welcome!

At this point you know your heart a lot better than we do. How long are YOU willing to wait for a proposal? A good friend of mine was with her bf for 6 years before they got engaged. Are you willing to wait that long? Do you have a time line? Are you willing to put up with his lack of ambition or help him work on it? All of this depends on you and what you think of the relationship.

On another note, I did move in with my Fiance before we were engaged, and I don’t regreat it at all. = )

Post # 4
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think if you truly believe you want to marry this man, he treats you extremely well, and you are happy – that you are fine.

With that being said, one thing to consider is his procrastination characteristic.  That won’t change with a ring.  Perhaps the wedding would drag on and on before it happened, or other major decisions.  Is that okay with you?

With my boyfriend, at my age and with my prior experience in other relationships, I know that he is everything I could have wanted and more – MINUS the other quirks I don’t like!  Mostly that he takes his time and I am absolutely impatient. 

However, I made a decision earlier on that if he didn’t marry me immediately – that was ok.  I was happy, well taken care of, and CHERISHED!!

And if you are cherished – you are loved with or without a ring. πŸ™‚  But do have a discussion with him – openly and humbly.

Post # 5
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Hmm, have you told him that you want to get engaged soon?  He has been very clear that he wants to marry you but I don’t know from your post whether or not you have been.  Does he know you are expecting a proposal?  He could be waiting for you to be ready and to tell him that you want to get married.  If you are getting impatient I would have a talk with him, tell him you love him and want to get married to him and how about June 2011?  Easy.  From what you’ve written I expect he will say, June 2011 it is!  (Or whatever date.)

Post # 7
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

How about having a lighthearted conversation about it?  Like, explaining why it’s important to you?  Without accusing or anything.  I did that very early on with my boyfriend and also from time to time now.  I explained it was really important for me to have that symbolism, and that because of my past without having a ring I couldn’t psychologically feel 100% safe and secure.  Sure, it’s my problem, but that is how it is and it won’t change because of my prior experiences.  He gets it, and I don’t push but I did bring up how I needed to know at one point or another or move forward with my life elsewhere.

Post # 8
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Have you discussed time lines with him? my partner knows my timeline and while his timeline is different, having discussed it certainly has put my mind at ease, I know now what he is waiting for (financial reasons) and what he needs to do to make himself comfortable. Just let him know how you feel (as rationally and calmly as you can) and let him know you want to be married to him and to be his wife and the ring is the last thing on your mind, it is about making a future with him.

Post # 11
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think that is a good idea.  We’ve been seriously talking about marriage for over a year and just now are we at a point he is comfortable ring shopping. πŸ™‚  You know when it’s different though.  The right man treats you like a queen.

Post # 13
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Yep!  Gifts do not amount for anything unless you are treated well.  My boyfriend has bought me wonderful gifts but if I had a choice between that or the sweet affection, I would choose the latter.  πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I completely agree with @artichokesalad. You said that you don’t care about the ring, but based on your posts it sounds like in your opinion, a ring is the only thing that will symbolize his committment to you. Not his moving in with you and moving half way; not his taking on a second job to help support you and your children so that you can continue working a job that you love; not getting hour long massages or having him open car doors. Do you see where I’m going here? This guy is clearly head over heels and crazy in love with you and you are seriously willing to say goodbye to that for a ring?  My husband took a long time to propose (dated 3.5 years, lived together for 3 years, and owned a house for 1 year) but he did when it was right and I’m so happy that we waited. There were times at about the 2 year mark that I started getting antsy but then I realized that there was no one in the world like him.

So what if he doesn’t propose lets say in the next six months and you decide you’ve waited and you are gonna go. How much closer are you then to a “ring?” It seems to me like you’d be a heck of a lot farther away. The prize isn’t the ring or the wedding, it’s finding the person that loves and cherishes you like no other that should be the ultimate goal. He has not made any indication that he doesn’t want to marry you…he actually sounds like he wants that a lot. Just let him do it on his own time…IMO.

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