- 8 years ago
- Wedding: January 2015
Ok so I am new here! 😀
I am feeling more and more frustrated and I am trying hard to keep smiling. Met a wonderful man 4 years ago…became super good friends and confidants for two years..(with never discussing any possibilites of a future…either he was involved or I was during this time) after remaining strictly friends for two years the subject of us trying out a relationship was brought up and brought up by him. After alot of thought I decided to risk the friendship for more.
Its been an amazing ride. We fell in love fairly soon after this, wasnt a hard fall from friends to something more. Great friendship, amazing chemistry, we laugh and play together, we hit it off and its been so wonderful. We lived two hours apart at this time. A year into our relationship he approached me about living together. He said he was tired of being away from me so many nights each week. I was thrilled. He told me he wanted to marry me. Said he wanted the whole package. That he never thought he could or would find someone who could make him want marriage but he said he found that in me.
So a few months later, we moved in together. We met in the middle, literally. My work was in the town I lived in, his work in his. So we met in the middle. Both have an hour commute to work but both more than willing to make the sacrifice. By the way, we are in our late 30’s. He has never been married, no kids, doesnt want any at this point. I have been married, and divorced for years. My kids are older and self sufficient. They get along with him. He is quiet where I am outgoing and very social. He is a thinker, I am a do-er.
Ok back to my story…we have now been living together for a year. In the past few months he as asked things out of the blue like “What kind of wedding do you want?” or he said he “doesnt intend to have a girlfriend at 40” so I asked him what exactly was he gonna have then lol and he said “a wife”. 😀 However, he is a bit of a procrastinator. He isnt a go-getter and has a tendenancy to put things off at the last minute. He has given me every reason to beleive that he wants to marry me. He took on a second job because “he had things to do” which I took to meant save for a ring. Then my job went sour and very slow. He did not want me quitting a job I love, so he told me he would take care of all the household bills to ease some of my worries…however I think the cash he was making for that ring, is now being used to pay the bills until my work picks up.
I see no evidence that he is saving anything for a ring at this point. What bothers me is his sometimes lack of a drive or ambition/procrastination side. He isnt a big goal setter. He is a very simple man who doesnt need alot to make him happy. If I saw that he was at least making strides towards that goal, I would be okay with waiting longer. I am ready to not just get married, but BE married. To HIM. I am one who believes if you want something bad enough, you find a way to make it happen. His debt is pretty small, we live in a beautiful condo, his car is paid off. He has no credit card debt. So at this point, Im at a loss.
My question is, how long do I wait for that proposal? My fear is with his procrastinating side and sometimes very passive, will it EVER happen? In the last few months we have gotten 4 wedding invites from friends. I think this has started to feed my discontentment. I am very much in love with him. As I believe he is me. I asked him if he was scared to make that kind of commitment and he told me no. Do I talk to him? I do NOT want to give an ultimatum, for two reasons…. one i hate getting them myself and two so does he lol. And it would so push him in the other direction as his pride would ensure that. Plus he can be extremely stubborn! 😀
Any advice would be SO appreciated and I am SOOO happy I found this sight today and see I am not alone out there!