Post # 1
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper
I know this is a bit of an odd question, but ever since we got engaged, when someone new asks to see my ring, I’ve felt that they’ve tended to look at it for an extended pause, which I found awkward. Eventually, they would poke their head back up, and make some sort of comment or ask a question, usually complimentary, or in any case not offensive.
My interpretation was: Well, my ring design is atypical. It isn’t trendy, nor is it a classic solitaire. People are probably surprised and not necessarily in a good way (even though I love it, I can appreciate it’s probably not everyone’s taste). They take that time because they’re thinking of how to respond to this unexpected ring.
Today I just realized something (yes, after months of this going on!). Maybe they are NOT taking that long. What feels like an eternity to me of awkwardly holding out my hand while looking at the top of their head, is really just some number of seconds. Exactly how many I don’t know…10-15 seconds?, but it isn’t taking minutes, or anything. And, these people have never seen this ring before. What I see when I glance at my ring for 1-2 seconds is my whole ring, in its entirety, because I know exactly what it looks like. If they did that, having never seen it before, would they really get a proper look?
So, now I’m thinking that there’s nothing unusual at all about the time people take to look at the ring. I’m just feeling the awkwardness of the situation a little too strongly. Or am I? What’s normative?
Post # 3
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Three minutes and forty seconds. It gets awkward.
Just kidding. I don’t know — sometimes they look at it and want to examine it…and sometimes people barely look.
Post # 4
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
10-15 seconds seems a little extensive. Maybe 3-5 seconds was the normal look time for my ring. I would love to see what your ring looks like!
Post # 5
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
Depends. Friends and family seem to have no pause at all. I have found that customers at work (read: complete strangers who feel the need to get involved in my personal life) seem to pause longer, and their comments on my ring are usually followed up with a comment on my age. I am 25 and have been with my Fiance for over 7 years, but I look young for my age and people apparently feel as though it is ok for them to tell me I should enjoy my youth, or that I’m too young to get tied down. Sigh.
Post # 6
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
@joya_aspera:
You are overthinking this. Relax. Other people’s reactions to your ring means very little in the grander scheme of more important things you probably have to worry about in life.
To be honest, most people are too busy to focus on the number of seconds people look at their jewels.
I do get stares and compliments on my rings. It is not a typical solitare. It is six stones forming a flower, though it looks like a solitare from afar. I have four baguettes flanking the main stones on each side and my wedding band has ten small diamonds it it. My ring set adds up to one carat. I have never counted the time that people stare.
Post # 7
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper
@TakeTwo: hmm, I know the post sounds funny b/c it’s just a matter of seconds either way, but non-verbal communication is subtle like that. I guess the whole gist of my post was whether I have been overthinking it, like, was it even odd (as in, atypical) at all.
It does appear from the poll so far that my experience has been a little on the long side though, but, even if it was normal, I just have never been in a situation before where someone took 10+ seconds in the middle of a conversation to pause to stare at something on me, aside from my face, while I look at the top of their head and wait for their face to reappear. It’s a weird experience.
The only similar instance I can think of is perverted guys in high school, who I’d be telling to eff off way before the 10 second point!
Post # 8
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee
@joya_aspera: I work in retail and a customer stared at my ring for a good two minutes and wouldn’t let me put my hand down. Awkward. Stuff like that has only happened a few times. I usually get around 5-15 seconds.
Post # 9
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
@joya_aspera:
Most face to face communication is non verbal. What do the facial expressions of those who stare at your ring look like?
Post # 10
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
30 seconds is a REALLY long time to stare at something. I haven’t really noticed anyone staring at my ring but it is a classic solitatire so maybe that is why.
Post # 11
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper
@TakeTwo: lol I can’t tell, but I can tell you about their cowlicks 🙂
Post # 12
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
Picture! I’m not sure I’ve seen your ring :).
I dont really notice. I notice that men notice the size more than women. Which is funny because thats why my husband wanted a big stone so all the men would know I was taken. I thought he was silly apparently no it really is men who notice size.
Post # 13
Member
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
Longer than three, but less than 30. They kinda grab my hand and twist it around……
awkward.
Post # 14
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
My rings are very unconventional. Alot of men LOVE them and say “that’s really cool” and “why don’t more people do that?” Because they are so strange they get stared at for a long time.
Post # 15
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
@joya_aspera: I don’t really think this is an odd question at all. This doesn’t happen as often as it used to (mostly because everyone I’m close to who lives in my area has already seen it by now), but when I first got engaged it seemed like everyone stared at my ring for an unusually long time. I don’t know if it just seemed longer because I felt awkward, or if it actually was that long.
My ring is pretty unique (at least for the area), though. I’ve never seen anyone in real life with a ring similar to mine. I’ve seen a few similar styles on the Bee, but I’ve never seen anyone with the exact same ring. Maybe that’s part of it? I’ve gotten quite a few compliments, so that makes it less awkward … I guess.
Post # 16
Member
1345 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church
Can’t say I’ve noticed nor really care how long people look at my ring…
