Post # 1
I wanted to poll the hive, how long is ideal for a couple to be together before they consider marriage?
I ask because I just found out a friend (male) has got engaged, and he’s been dating his new girlfriend for… two months. I think he’s crazy, and it’s a bad idea. But, he’s not a close friend so I’m not saying anything.
Experts and scientists agree that the love endorphins we feel in the first flush of romance (can last 6 months to a year) are detriments to us making sound, rational decisions. I agree, and after one bad mistake in my early twenties, vowed to never move in with someone if we’d been dating less than 6 months.
My own story is that my partner and I were together for almsot three years, and living together for almost two, before getting engaged. It felt (feels) perfect. We’ve seen each other in many ups and downs, been through enough to know it works and we are in it for the long haul.
[comment moderated per discussion with OP]
Post # 3
Honestly, I think it totally depends on the couple. My Fiance and I knew were going to get married after about 2 months of dating but we wated until almost 2.5 years to get engaged because we were both still in school and had no money. I think if you know it’s the person you want to spend your life with then go for it!
Post # 4
I think a lot depends on the age. If it’s a couple in their early to mid 20s, I would say at least two to three years as there are a lot of changes, maturing, and developing occuring during that time. If you’re a bit older, I think it can happen a lot quicker.
As you get older, you become more comfortable in who you are, what you have to offer to a relationship, and what you want from a relationship. Certain things that may have been important when you were younger are no longer important (i.e. looks and/or other superficial matters) and are outweighed by things like common interests, shared goals, and similar values.
I knew within about 4 months of meeting my now Darling Husband that I was going to marry him – I was 29 at the time and we got engaged 13 months after meeting. We had to have a long engagement (17 months) due to immigration issues but it didn’t change anything. Similarly, my brother got engaged to his girlfriend 9 months after they met – they were both 30.
I just think as you get older and more mature, you are able to make decisions quicker because you know what you want and you don’t want to waste time with what you don’t want.
ETA: This is obviously just my opinion based on my experiences and observations and will not hold true for everyone.
Post # 5
I have to agree with @theredhead. I definitely think it depends on each couple individually. I also think age and experience play a huge role in determining how long is “long enough”. My Fiance and I dated almost 6 years before we got engaged, but that was because we started dating when I was 18 and he 21, so we had to get through college (4 years), and then experience the real world together (2 years). People change so much in that time, so it was important to us to know that we were changing in a way that still made us compatible. I don’t think there is a magic number!
Post # 6
I say it depends on the age. It wouldn’t have been appropriate for my Fiance and I to get engaged a year or two or three after we started dating because that was in the beginning of college. But if a couple is older, it would take less time. I still would say two years even for older couples though.
Post # 7
I think it depends on the couple. Regardless, I feel the more time you date, technically the fewer surprises there are post-marriage.
Post # 8
I voted for two years as a minimum because it takes a while for any unknowns to surface sometimes and you’d wanna be really sure if no surprises the day after you get engaged. That’s what I think anyway.
Post # 9
I think it totally depends… My Fiance and I met (we had known of each other, but hadn’t really ever talked) in May when I was 20 and he was 22… We went on a date, maybe once a week, over the summer… He asked me to be his gf in August… He proposed in January… We were married in September… And that felt like a long wait for us! haha 🙂
Post # 10
I think its really subjective. Age and relationship length aside, there are dozens of other differences you have to take into consideration: cultural, sociological, level of maturity, goals in life. I’m 21, my Fiance is 25. We got engaged roughly 6 months after we began a relationship. Granted, I’m Lebanese Muslim and its pretty common for the process to be sped up a bit more due to cultural/religious norms. We don’t “date” per say.
Do I feel doubtful getting engaged after 6 months? Not at all. I am very confident in my desicion to marry Fiance, and I can’t wait until the day. I don’t think tacking on another few years to the relationship prior to an engagement would have made any difference in my desicion. I knew what I wanted, knew what I valued, and thankfully I found that.
Post # 11
I think it really depends on how much time you spend together? It’s different if you live together and see that person daily than if you only spend once day a month togehter, know what I mean?
Post # 12
I think it’s hard to say how long, it’s none of the time’s business but depends on the feeling. A friend of mine even got marries in 1 month after had a date with his girlfriend. Nobody can say it’s love or not, but they love each other very much. And now they have a 2 yearls old girl, a happy family. There is no law to limit the time before engagement, so when it’s time, go ahead and get engaged or get married. The condition is different for people, some think it’s time when more mature, some think fine to get engaged because of love. Whatever, do the right decission with your heart.
Post # 13
I’m gonna be all generic and say it depends on the couple. But personally, I’d like to wait at least a year before dedicating my entire life to someone, that way I get to know him and can better decide if he’s the one for me after the honeymoon phase dies down.
Post # 14
You should have put less than a year as a choice. I was with my ex for more than 2 years when he proposed and I said no. With Darling Husband he proposed after 8 months with no real discussions of marriage and I said yes. So I think it depends. I would have probably married him after 5 months or so.
Post # 15
While it does depend on the couple, I don’t think any harm can come from dating for a few years before getting engaged. The first few months are all rainbows and sunshine. Chances are the couple hasn’t really experienced much negativity in their lives/relationship that requires them to really work through it. I don’t think you can really know someone until you’ve seen them at their worst. They don’t have to have fallen into a deep depression or anything but you need to know how your other half is going to handle certain situations. If you’ve only experienced that lovey dovey, makes everyone else wanna barf phase, you may not really like each other when the relationship progresses out of that. I know there are couples out there who got married after knowing each other for weeks and have now been together for 25+ years but that’s not the norm. If people would just give it some time and get to really know each other before jumping into marriage, the divorce rate would probably be much lower.
FWIW, Darling Husband and I were together for more than 5 years before getting engaged and 6.5 years before getting married and we’re still learning new things about each other. I couldn’t fathom jumping into marriage after only a few months. I can guarantee that we would not be married today if we had.
Post # 16
I voted 2 years but that was before I read the poll wasn’t for me….sorry.