(Closed) How long do you think a couple should be together before getting engaged?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How long should couples be together before they get engaged?
    one year : (75 votes)
    22 %
    two years : (133 votes)
    39 %
    three years : (54 votes)
    16 %
    other... explain : (75 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    7693 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I voted other

    I think it really depends on the couple. I was engaged after 3.5 years and married after 4.5. That was the right time for us. However, I have a good friend that just got engaged and she’s been dating her fiance for about 10 months. There’s nothing wrong with that either. I also have a friend that has been with her boyfriend for 9 years and they’re still not engaged and I don’t know that now would be the right time for them. It really varies. I agree with @CaitMarae that it doesnt hurt to date a couple of years, but I dont think its necessary. DHs grandparents got married after just a few months of knowing each other and they were together over 60 years and very much in love.

    Post # 48
    Member
    10285 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Bears-bub: Agreed. The 6.5 years that we were together before getting married was spent building our lives, becoming a team and maturing, not just “playing house”.  You get to experience a lot with a person when you date for as long as we did, even more so when you’ve been living together nearly that entire time. I wouldn’t trade the last 6.5 years for anything. That time spent together made us a unified force to be reckoned with. I know a lot of people are on team “why wait” but I’m on team “why rush”. If it’s meant to be, you’ll still be together a few years down the road after you’ve invested the time into your relationship.

    When it comes down to it, you have to do what’s right for you and your relationship. If that means dating for a few months and getting engaged, then so be it. Those with short courtships couldn’t imagine “playing house” for years before getting married but those of us with years under our belt couldn’t fathom jumping into it marriage after such a short time period. As long as it works for you and your DH/DW, that’s all that really matters. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee

    My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together for about 7 months now.  Since we both came from long term relationships that ultimately fell apart, we have both been extremely open, blunt and honest about what we want from a new relationship and what we want to do with our lives.  While people looking in from the outside see our relationship as moving at “light speed” (as one of my guy friends likes to say) we’re confident it’s right and so we’ve had the engagement talk.  Surprisingly, he brought it up first!  While I have a feeling he’s going to surprise me sooner than later with something shiny in a little box — our one year anniversary this June comes to mind — neither of us mind the idea of having a long engagement.  So I don’t think it matters so much how long you date, it matters more how long the engagement itself is.  An engagement, to us, just shows the world that we want each other and nobody else, that we’re done with dating around, and that we’re secure in our relationship.  The wedding itself can wait until we feel like doing it!

    Post # 50
    Member
    2065 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    My husband was nearly 31 when we met, and he was up front from the beginning about looking to settle down and being too old to want to date for half a decade before deciding to get married and have kids. It worked for us. We knew about 3 months in that we wanted to get married, got engaged after 9 months, and ended up married around 18 months. Even then, we got a few “It’s about time!” comments at the wedding – we just work together.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1012 posts
    Bumble bee

    Depends on their age. We met when we were 22 and not really settled yet. Now we are and i think its a great time.   I would say 2-3 years is a good amount.  Any less and you might not know each other well enough, any more and the girl gets anxious to get engaged!!

    Post # 52
    Member
    187 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Other, because everyone is different, personality, history, baggage and so on. I dated my first husband for 4 years, not the magic mark obviously.

    Been dating Fiance for 5.5 years. We could have gotten married the first week! Decided to wait since we had alot of baggage that we knew would wear us down if we didn’t take it slower. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    6659 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    It depends on how well you know yourselves and what you want out of a partner at the time you start dating. If you know enough about yourself to identify that this person has all of the qualities you’re looking for, then I think it’s totally fine to get engaged in under a year. It’s not like at the one year mark the mask comes off and the claws come out. It just doesn’t work that way. There is no expiration date on being nice to each other, it’s something you work on every day. You have to ask yourself i the person you’re with is someone who is willing to put in the effort.

    Post # 54
    Member
    9028 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    It depends on the nature of their relationship, some people can be together for years and dont really spend much quality time together, and it also depends on the length of the engagement.

    Post # 55
    Member
    2755 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think there are way too many factors to pinpoint an exact time period. Every couple is different – age, maturity levels and so much more goes into being able to make that decision. And sometimes, even if things are “perfect”, the relationship falls apart anyway. My grandparents met in October and married in December, and they’re going on 55 years this year of head-over-heels in love with each other.

    I do think it’s wise to spend time getting to know one another before jumping into a lifetime commitment. Especially if you meet during the “growing” years for either person. Fiance and I met and stated dating our first 2 years of college, and I know both of us have gone through so many changes since then. We got to a point during the year I was out of college and he was still finishing up where we were both not sure if the relationship could continue – but we worked past that and strengthened our bond. We’ll celebrate 6 years as a couple just a few weeks after we tie the knot, and I am glad for all that time together prior to making it a marriage.

    Post # 56
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee

    I think it just depends on the individual couple, the level of maturity, their ages, etc. Before meeting Fiance, I would have been one of those people who said that you have to know each other for 3+ years before even considering it… and yet we decided to get married after just 6 months, and will be together for only 17 months (to the day!) when we get married. Life happens, I guess!

    Post # 57
    Member
    2825 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I would say at least 6 months to a year… of all the relationships I’ve seen that have gotten engaged less than that they either didn’t make it or got married and were divorced within a year…  Not saying that is how it is going to be for everyone (so don’t take offense by my saying this!).  I think the longer you take to get engaged/get married the less surprises there are when you do get married…

    That said, Fiance and I knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together about a week into our relationship (we were friends for almost a year before we started dating), I moved into his house a few weeks later and things just kind of took off… but we did wait a year and a half to get engaged, and almost another full year and a half to get married. 🙂

    Post # 58
    Member
    3374 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I really think a couple should wait two years. I’ve been in SO many relationships that changed after the two year mark. I just think that’s when the honeymoon ends and you start seeing the real person.

    We got engaged after 3 years and married after 4.

    Post # 59
    Member
    811 posts
    Busy bee

     

    @mtnhoney: I said two years but I’ll have been with my SO 4 and a half years before we’re engaged lol, think that’s quite long, I’d prefer it to be around three tops but hey ho.

    Post # 60
    Member
    13095 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think you should be dating for at least four seasons (aka 1 year – at a minimum).  Beyond that, I think it just depends on the couple.

    Post # 61
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    It’s sooooooooooo dependent on the couple…but I think you should at least wait until the initial crazy-they-are-so-perfect-nothing-about-them-is-annoying phase has passed. Which for some couples might be faster than others.

    Are you only seeing them on Friday/Saturday nights for dressed-up dates with you both on your best behavior? Or are you seeing each other in sweats, makeup-less etc.?

    I think you should wait until you have seen each other sick, grouchy, under stress, mad, sad, lazy – and have revealed all the weird little quirks about yourself that you hide on a first date 🙂

     

    ETA: Darling Husband and I also knew only a few months into our relationship that we wanted to get married….but I’m still glad we waited until college was done. Seeing each other under stress, studying till all hours, yelling at Darling Husband for procrastinating on a paper *again*, him telling me that no, I do NOT have time for another extracurricular, spending summers long-dstance, and all the other good and bad of college – made us a much stronger couple by the time we graduated.

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