Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have for the past year been speaking about marriage. On March the 8th of this year we went ring shopping (this date has been etch in my mind because of how ecstatic I was)… but it’s been 7 months since then. I found the ring by accident about 2 months after we went ring shopping so I know he has it. I have been patiently waiting but it’s really starting to eat at me. We live together and I am starting to feel really bitter about the whole event. His mother always asks me when we’re getting married since we already live together (she is very religous and so was I at some point) , in fact everyone is asking, including my parents. It really bothers me as I don’t know what to say to them nor do I know how to keep myself from feeling resentment.
Post # 2
- Wedding: December 2021 - Hopetoun House, UK
I understand the slight feeling of resentment, my partner had the ring for 6 months after we bought it together before he “officially” proposed!
Do you possibly have any occasions you are looking forward to where he might propose? I know its annoying to hear it but atleast he has the ring and probably has an idea in his head of when, sometimes the right moment for them just takes a while!
Post # 3
No special occasions that I know of, in fact he has been quite negative lately about going out anywhere really…but yes trying to keep optimistic and patient.
Post # 4
The majority of guys seem to propose within a month of getting the ring.
It seems like delays in proposals after getting the ring seem to usually happen for one of 3 reasons.
1. You’re young (under 25) and he just doesn’t feel rushed.
2. He is waiting for a specific moment/ birthday/trip
3. He doesn’t really want to get married
If one or two doesn’t seem likely, ask what’s up.
Post # 5
Honestly, you really just need to chat with your SO. Speculating and building resentment isn’t helpful for either of you or the beginning of your potential marriage. While I didn’t wait 7 months & had a melt down before the proposal, we had several conversations about our timeline which was very helpful.
I know a lot of women (myself included!) we want to be surprised & not have to ask our SO’s about marriage or where a relationship is going. However, that is not how real life usually plays out. Learning to communicate as mature adults in a partnership now will help you in the long run.
Best of luck bee!
Post # 6
I have spoken to him about it. At first with hints…then realising that men don’t easily get those hints I spoke seriously to him about it. He said I should not ask about it as I will ruin the “surprise element”, the conversation ended in a small arguement as he reasoned he has not have enough time to think about how to propose. This was months back… I have also spoken to him about a timeline I felt was reasonable. We have attended many weddings together so we had small discussions about weddings and marriage as well. I don’t want to come across naggy or forceful…I just find it all strange. He was the first one to bring up the topic of marriage, it caused a certain expection which was increased when we went ring shopping. I am struggling with the wait as I can’t see any reason for it. He was and still is very invested in our relationship. But thanks for sharing your experience. It’s comforting to know that others were in similar situations and that all turned out well.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2019 - Green Bay, WI
I was completely surprised and didn’t even know he got a ring. He went ring shopping on a Thursday. The jeweler sized and set the ring and my now-fiancé picked it up the very next day (Friday). He proposed the following Wednesday. He even considered leaving the ring at his brother’s house because he “didn’t trust himself to hold onto something so expensive for 5 days” which made me laugh. Lol.
My guy’s brother:
On the FLIPSIDE, my fiancé’s brother had a ring for over 6 months before he proposed to his now-wife. She knew he bought it (she designed it) and she found where he hid it and would periodically put it on…
I think age factors in a TON. My fiancé is 30. His brother was 23 when he was pressured into buying a ring. I mean, she went and custom designed it and then told him to buy it. He had no choice. So obviously he waited to propose. He wasn’t ready.
Don’t worry, he’ll do it when he’s ready! It’s a good thing that at least he has it. So you know he wants to be with you!
Post # 8
If I hadn’t read so many similar stories I’d be a lot more surprised. The whole focus on some over the top proposal at the expense of letting the woman you love know you can’t wait to take the next step is IMO, absurd.
Maybe part of the problem is that people are trying to pretend these proposals are a big traditional surprise when most of the time they are anything but.
Another issue is insurance. H insured the ring as soon as it was purchased and had it in his possession a few days before proposing.
Post # 9
Oh God, save us from the “surprise” proposal. The surprise is that any of these guys choose to propose at all. OP it’s very likely that he’s having second thoughts and is using the surprise factor as an excuse. The other possibility would be that he’s planning to propose at Christmas. This way he wouldn’t have to buy you a gift if you got the ring. No surprise proposal takes 7 months to plan; I think these men who hold onto rings for months at a time like to play with their partner’s emotions, regardless of the resentment she will eventually feel. Then to tell you that you’re ruining the surprise is just the icing on a very bad cake.
Post # 10
I’m in the same boat. We went ring shopping in May and i saw a receipt in June so I know he bought it. Our anniversary just passed without a proposal and I was disappointed. Honestly, I do find it strange. If I was him I would be bursting at the seams to get it done. I’ve had this conversation with him but he is being a vault and won’t tell me anything, just reassured me we are on the same page and still on track to get married in 2020.
Do I have any doubts he wants to marry me: no
Am I annoyed he seems to be in no rush to propose?: yes
I don’t feel the anger or resentment that the posters often describe. We took away a huge element of surprise by me going ring shopping with him and essentially picking what I would like. I am happy to let him have this moment now. It annoys me but I don’t want him to feel like i’ve controlled the entire thing. DM me if you want to be wait buddies together!
Sometimes I feel like people on here are more annoyed by the guy who has the ring but is waiting to propose rather than a guy without a ring who is not proposing… if that makes any sense. I’m a chronic overthinker.. and sometimes it’s good to put it into perspective…. 1) we went shopping 2) the ring was on sale 3) PERHAPS he bought it to lock in the price even though he wasn’t planning to propose until the end of the year? Just throwing out a possible explanation for my situation that could be similar to yours.
I’m done babbling now. Good luck!
Post # 11
A proposal doesn’t have to be a surprise! It’s this cultural stigma that it needs to be some dramatic, special event. I told my husband that a surprise doesn’t matter to me. In fact, I dislike surprises. He’d only had the ring for a week or two before he gave it to me. We’d been together for just under 10 years at that point (both 28-years-old currently).
But prior to telling him how I felt about engagement and proposals, he felt a lot of pressure for it to be a surprise, too. Specifically, he wanted to put it in some kind of food! No, just no. Lol I squashed that fast
Post # 12
He hasn’t had enough time to think about how to propose? I’m sorry bee but that is a bullshit excuse. I know that every couple is different, but to give you some perspective we were a young couple (engaged at 23) and my DH held on to the ring for just over 24 hours before proposing. It seems like he is dragging his feet here. How old are you and how long have you been together?
Post # 13
Took 6 months here. I was involved in the process of the purchase and he had me go to the jeweler so it could be properly sized. Once he got it back he sat on it for 6 months. After about 3 months I began with the hints. About 4 months in I actually brought it up which resulted in an argument. I decided to give him until our anniversary in late September before bringing it up again, and chilling out in the meantime. He proposed for our anniversary. Let me say it was NOT some elaborate proposal that needed to take so long. I don’t even know for sure whether his plan was to wait for that occasion all along.
It’s very frustrating.