Post # 16
About 24 hours, re: wedding. We expressed our disgust with several choices my SIL-to-be has made for her upcoming wedding (mainly petty stuff, but none the less tacky or horribly etiquette-faux pas.) He joked that I would probably go overboard with burlap (guilty as charged) and we promised his 16-year-old brother that he can wear a tux at ours.
Re: engagement, about an hour.
Him: “So you know how I was playing with (older brother)? Well, (future SIL from hell) just walked up to him, snapped at him to come to bed, and I guess she literally pulled his power cable to the computer out of the wall.”
Him: “Yep. I thought, man, if you had done that, I would have smacked you.”
Me: “Except I would never do that. I’m not like (FSIL.)” (for clarification, before anyone comments, he has never EVER hit me, and neither I him. Please don’t read too much into his statement.)
Him: “I know. Just can’t believe it. And he lets her do that kind of crap all the time!”
Me: “More than that – he’s MARRYING her.”
Me: “Funny how that works.”
Post # 17
There is such a huge difference between Shutting Up But Silently Stewing About It Til You PMS-out & Have A Meltdown than there is Shutting Up In A Truly Patient Way. Been there, done that on both accounts. The first (Silent but Stewing) was unfortunately my mindset last fall. Had a serious talk with SO, timeline, our future etc & I cannot tell you how much this helped me, it took away so much of the insecurity & resentment that was starting to creep into an otherwise great relationship. He’s someone I can take at his word, so if he says he sincerely wants to marry me I have no reason to doubt him and this put me into more of a Patiently Waiting mode. In fact, I stopped bringing up engagements & wedding related topics altogether- to the point where my SO noticed & started bringing it up himself. So it’s been about a week?ish since wedding stuff was mentioned, but he brought it up.
Post # 18
LOL He hasn’t even proposed yet but I’m super shameless. I go on and on. You should have seen the eye roll when I told him I registered for wedding bee
Post # 19
orangetree: My SO and I started talking about marriage quite soon into our relationship. I would say about 6 months in he decided that he would like to propose after being together for 2 years. Then, we both decided to wait another two years after that for the wedding because I’ll be done with graduate school and a year into my career by then. Our two year anniversary is in two months. I really don’t think it will happen on the day of our anniversary, but I hope I won’t have to wait too long. I plan on bringing it up in about three months.
Post # 20
orangetree: I’m engaged so this doesn’t apply to me anymore but I used to be a “waiting bee” and ran the SIUP for a few months so I’ll give you my feedback-
I think there’s something to be said for “shutting up” about it so that you give your SO space to plan and be excited without feeling pressured. A lot of women kind of ruin the surprise, which is a fun part of proposing for men. HOWEVER…. it only works if you’re on the same page. I knew we both felt like we found “the one” and would get married. We talked about our future, our wedding, our life long before the proposal.
If, on the other hand, you’re wanting to get married and he is no where near that- then you have a bigger problem. Talking about marriage all the time isn’t going to make it more attractive to him. You’re not going to “convince” someone to marry you just by talking about getting married. But you also can’t just think you’re going to “shut up” for 6 months and that’s magically going to make him want to propose. With any relationship you need to have open communication and a clear sense that you have a shared vision. It’s a balance.
Post # 21
We spoke in November stated by him, again in February brought up by him, then March brought up by me.
We agreed that April or May would be a good time for it to happen, and I won’t be bringing it up again until July if it hasn’t happened by then.
Post # 22
Maybe a couple of days. It’s hard though because his brother is getting married in 6 weeks so we are surrounded by the talk!
He DID bring up something wedding related on his own the other day though, he mentioned he would like a particular friend as a groomsman but was worried because he is really unreliable. Also, I put some cash back in his wallet for him and noticed the note I gave him with the specs of the ring I want is now missing…. Fingers crossed 😛
Post # 23
I’ve been quiet since November…. Although I did update a list of rings that I like 2 weeks ago (becuase he mentioned it first!), but I didnt say any ‘wedding/engagement’ related words!
Post # 24
We had a serious talk in January about where our relationship was heading, specifically about engagement. He gave me an indication that he’s decided I’m the one but I don’t think he’s ready to be engaged. Trying to be respectful of that, but its hard since everyone and their mother thinks he already has the ring and has plans (which I am certain he does not).
Aside from random comments within other conversations (example: “I would never do that if we got married!”), I haven’t really talked about it. I’m trying to shut up until after our anniversary, which is approximately a month away.
At that point, I’m done being quiet about it and he’ll just have to deal with it as a regular topic of conversation.