Post # 76
Right now, the longest was like less than half an hour but that’s not really ignoring…it’s more like just giving each other space. When we were dating, we would give each other a day to cool down and not contact each other. Now that we’re married, we talk it out until we both feel like the conflict has been resolved.
Mind you, not everyone is that way but I feel like 6 days is excessive.
ETA: I do agree with PPs who have said that this kind of attitude in a grown man is worrisome and that it might be best to stop texting, calling etc. I used to be that way when my husband and I were dating but I quickly realized that it didn’t do anything but drive him further away. I don’t know anything about your relationship other than what you’ve said in this thread but it really doesn’t sound good, OP.
Post # 77
I hate the silent treatment. If me and my partner are arguing we finish that argument there and then and move on. No sense letting stuff fester tbh. It breeds resentment and we are adults who have stuff to do other than being upset and angry.
Tbh. Stop texting him. Stop worrying coz he clearly isn’t worried about how you feel. Have a nice bath and watch something good on TV. You clearly need to unwind a bit. And while you’re at it cut your losses. If he’s gonna behave like this after every blow out. He’s probably not worth it. And next time you have an argument with someone just be aware of how high the tension is getting and take a moment.
Post # 78
There is way too much drama here for a healthy relationship. Thank you, next.
Post # 79
lolo24 : He shouldn’t ignore you for days on end. That’s poor communication and not a mature or effective way to manage conflict.
However, I can also see why, if this type of behaviour is typical of you, he may be at his wits end. You can you’ve broken up 4 times, and it sounds like he did the breaking up each time. Was it always after similar behaviour on your behalf?
I get that you’re under a lot of pressure, but that is not an excuse to act out like that. You sound a bit emotionally volatile and overly dramatic. He came over early and didnt’ communicate – that is a legitimate thing to be annoyed about. But instead of telling him you’re annoyed and why, you snapped at him for something completely unrelated and nonsensical. How is he supposed to adjust his behaviour (communicate better, tell you when he’s going to be early or late) if he doesn’t know THAT is what you were mad about?
TL/DR: You’re both in the wrong and need to figure out how to communicate your feelings more constructively. Ignoring you is poor communication and ineffective conflict management. Blowing up at your partner and creating issues because you are mad about something completely different is also poor communication and very unhealthy.
Post # 80
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
Love isn’t always enough. People can be in love and still be terrible and toxic together. While I’m sure you love him and he may love you, this just isn’t a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships do not resort to the silent treatment, nor do they resort to bombarding each other.
You understand what you did was wrong, that’s good. And no it doesn’t make you a terrible person. Everyone messes up. But it is very clear that his actions brings out behavior you don’t like in yourself. That’s a sign that this isn’t the right relationship for you, bee.
Post # 81
silent treatment can be a sign of an emotional abuser. be weary!
Post # 82
Good Morning everyone-
I found out from him cancelling my ticket to Mexico last monday that he was taking some other random girl. He met her THREE days after he left my house after a date. He then rented a hotel room on super bowl sunday and had sex with her. Our anniversary. Well he is stupid as fuck and doesn’t know how to cover his tracks. Delta notified me of the change and I was able to find her name. Social media does wonders. She contacted me and we talked. He lied to her about everything. She is no longer going with him, and wants nothing to do with his games and lies. It’s been a hell of a week, but I feel strong and I am somewhat glad he cheated because that is my one breaking point. How someone can lie and cheat and crush you for 3 years and feel nothing but pride is beyond me. Karma came though. On top of the 5k he spent on the trip, he had to spend an add 1500k to buy her a ticket. None of which is refundable LOL. Thank you all of your support-I have learned that what I had with him the last 3 years was nothing more than a game and I was nothing more than a pawn.
Post # 83
I’m really sorry you have had to go through this, but this is a HUGE lesson and turning point if you let it be.
Post # 84
lolo24 : I’m sorry you had to go through all that but take it as a big lesson that a man that gives you the silent treatment is not someone worthy of your time and love. If a guy you fall for starts to treat you like that again…. RUN!! It is a precursor to all the other emotional and manipulate shit they will try on you. The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic to get you to do what they want. A person who will try to manipulate you is never a person you want to be in relationship with. If they are OK with manipulation they will be OK with a whole slew of other terrible actions towards you.
Karmas a bitch and I’m glad he’s at least been financially screwed for his actions.
Good riddance to his dumb ass!
Wishing you all the best and may this time next year find you in a fabulous place and happy with where you are in your life. 💛
Post # 85
My husband and I are pretty sensitive, so we need our space after a fight. We both do it but I don’t think it’s ever been more than an hour, if that.
we use that time to calm down, rationalize and apologize no matter whose fault it is.
has your SO thought about how to improve his reactions to
Edit to add:
bee, I just read your update. I’m very vvery sorry that this is the outcome of your situation, but I’m also glad that his games have come to light. This is the time to move on, love yourself and get rid of bad apples in your life.
Youve got this!
Post # 86
I am so, so sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve it. I know a lot of the Bees were on you for what you said. Yeah, it wasn’t great, but people say mean things in the heat of the moment sometimes. I’m sure many of us have lashed out at someone at some point, and they didn’t leave our lives forever and we weren’t crucified online for it. It bothers me that you might have thought for a moment that his treatment of you was deserved because of your actions. While you may have angered him or hurt him, ignoring you for days wasn’t ok.
Something that I have learned from past experience is to never take back an ex unless there were specific reasons that the breakup happened and they have since been demonstrably resolved. Even then you have to be really careful to make sure that issues were truly resolved on both sides. Breaking up with someone isn’t easy. You boyfriend thought about it, made the decision, gathered the courage, and then did it. And stayed away for months. Those are the actions of someone who saw all you had to offer and decided he didn’t want it. So when he came back to you after months had gone by and said he loved you so much and wanted you back, you should have said, “boy, bye.” Because when you take someone back like that, as you discovered, doesn’t heal you from the heartbreak you suffered and still suffer knowing he rejected you and was willing to be without you. When you are back together, after the initial happiness, you become more insecure and unhappy, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Knowing it could be any moment that he does the same exact thing again. It becomes an awful situation. I am fairly sure that this is why you lashed out at him, why you felt insecure about his ex, why you were overly irritated with him. He broke your heart!
I would not be surprised if he gets lonely and tries to come back to you. Don’t let him. Hopefully by that time you will be ready to date other men and will have found someone who doesn’t make you feel this way.