How long have you been ignored by your partner after a fight?!

posted 7 months ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Right now, the longest was like less than half an hour but that’s not really ignoring…it’s more like just giving each other space. When we were dating, we would give each other a day to cool down and not contact each other. Now that we’re married, we talk it out until we both feel like the conflict has been resolved. 

Mind you, not everyone is that way but I feel like 6 days is excessive.

ETA: I do agree with PPs who have said that this kind of attitude in a grown man is worrisome and that it might be best to stop texting, calling etc. I used to be that way when my husband and I were dating but I quickly realized that it didn’t do anything but drive him further away. I don’t know anything about your relationship other than what you’ve said in this thread but it really doesn’t sound good, OP.

Post # 77
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

I hate the silent treatment. If me and my partner are arguing we finish that argument there and then and move on. No sense letting stuff fester tbh. It breeds resentment and we are adults who have stuff to do other than being upset and angry. 

Tbh. Stop texting him. Stop worrying coz he clearly isn’t worried about how you feel. Have a nice bath and watch something good on TV. You clearly need to unwind a bit. And while you’re at it cut your losses. If he’s gonna behave like this after every blow out. He’s probably not worth it. And next time you have an argument with someone just be aware of how high the tension is getting and take a moment. 

Post # 78
Member
877 posts
Busy bee

There is way too much drama here for a healthy relationship. Thank you, next. 

Post # 79
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

lolo24 :  He shouldn’t ignore you for days on end. That’s poor communication and not a mature or effective way to manage conflict.

However, I can also see why, if this type of behaviour is typical of you, he may be at his wits end. You can you’ve broken up 4 times, and it sounds like he did the breaking up each time. Was it always after similar behaviour on your behalf? 

I get that you’re under a lot of pressure, but that is not an excuse to act out like that. You sound a bit emotionally volatile and overly dramatic. He came over early and didnt’ communicate – that is a legitimate thing to be annoyed about. But instead of telling him you’re annoyed and why, you snapped at him for something completely unrelated and nonsensical. How is he supposed to adjust his behaviour (communicate better, tell you when he’s going to be early or late) if he doesn’t know THAT is what you were mad about?

TL/DR: You’re both in the wrong and need to figure out how to communicate your feelings more constructively. Ignoring you is poor communication and ineffective conflict management. Blowing up at your partner and creating issues because you are mad about something completely different is also poor communication and very unhealthy. 

Post # 80
Member
1558 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

Love isn’t always enough. People can be in love and still be terrible and toxic together. While I’m sure you love him and he may love you, this just isn’t a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships do not resort to the silent treatment, nor do they resort to bombarding each other. 

You understand what you did was wrong, that’s good. And no it doesn’t make you a terrible person. Everyone messes up. But it is very clear that his actions brings out behavior you don’t like in yourself. That’s a sign that this isn’t the right relationship for you, bee. 

Post # 81
Member
1307 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

silent treatment can be a sign of an emotional abuser. be weary!

Post # 83
Member
617 posts
Busy bee

lolo24 :  

I’m really sorry you have had to go through this, but this is a HUGE lesson and turning point if you let it be.

Post # 84
Member
4486 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

lolo24 :  I’m sorry you had to go through all that but take it as a big lesson that a man that gives you the silent treatment is not someone worthy of your time and love. If a guy you fall for starts to treat you like that again…. RUN!! It is a precursor to all the other emotional and manipulate shit they will try on you. The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic to get you to do what they want. A person who will try to manipulate you is never a person you want to be in relationship with. If they are OK with manipulation they will be OK with a whole slew of other terrible actions towards you. 

Karmas a bitch and I’m glad he’s at least been financially screwed for his actions. 

Good riddance to his dumb ass!

Wishing you all the best and may this time next year find you in a fabulous place and happy with where you are in your life. 💛

 

Post # 85
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

My husband and I are pretty sensitive, so we need our space after a fight. We both do it but I don’t think it’s ever been more than an hour, if that.

we use that time to calm down, rationalize and apologize no matter whose fault it is.

 

has your SO thought about how to improve his reactions to 

 

Edit to add:

 

bee, I just read your update. I’m very vvery sorry that this is the outcome of your situation, but I’m also glad that his games have come to light. This is the time to move on, love yourself and get rid of bad apples in your life. 

Youve got this! 

Post # 86
Member
877 posts
Busy bee

I am so, so sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve it. I know a lot of the Bees were on you for what you said. Yeah, it wasn’t great, but people say mean things in the heat of the moment sometimes. I’m sure many of us have lashed out at someone at some point, and they didn’t leave our lives forever and we weren’t crucified online for it. It bothers me that you might have thought for a moment that his treatment of you was deserved because of your actions. While you may have angered him or hurt him, ignoring you for days wasn’t ok.

Something that I have learned from past experience is to never take back an ex unless there were specific reasons that the breakup happened and they have since been demonstrably resolved. Even then you have to be really careful to make sure that issues were truly resolved on both sides. Breaking up with someone isn’t easy. You boyfriend thought about it, made the decision, gathered the courage, and then did it. And stayed away for months. Those are the actions of someone who saw all you had to offer and decided he didn’t want it. So when he came back to you after months had gone by and said he loved you so much and wanted you back, you should have said, “boy, bye.” Because when you take someone back like that, as you discovered, doesn’t heal you from the heartbreak you suffered and still suffer knowing he rejected you and was willing to be without you. When you are back together, after the initial happiness, you become more insecure and unhappy, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Knowing it could be any moment that he does the same exact thing again. It becomes an awful situation. I am fairly sure that this is why you lashed out at him, why you felt insecure about his ex, why you were overly irritated with him. He broke your heart!

I would not be surprised if he gets lonely and tries to come back to you. Don’t let him. Hopefully by that time you will be ready to date other men and will have found someone who doesn’t make you feel this way. 

Post # 87
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

lolo24 :  Holy shit! What a freaking asshole! I’m so sorry this happened to you. You deserve so much better than this, bee. Leave him in the dust and don’t ever look back. I promise the right man will be there for you when you least expect it. May he have chronic diarrhea for the rest of his life lol!

Post # 88
Member
3667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

lolo24 :  Awe bee, I’m so sorry this is how things turned out. You deserved much better than this. Going forward, make sure you’re emotionally healthy before getting involved with someone. Get to a point where you can respond to stressful situations instead of knee-jerk emotional reactions. Make sure you know what you deserve and respect yourself; self-respecting people do not date people who do not show them the respect they deserve. This will play a big part in building a healthy relationship based on mutual respect. Wishing you all the best!

Post # 89
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: City, State

lolo24 :  Personally, my current FH has never ignored me after a fight. He is the type of person that needs to discuss what has happened in order to be able to move on with our relationship. We’ve both said hurtful things like what you’ve said, but, we always work through it and discuss why we said what we did and that it came from a place of hurt.

In the past I had two exes that would ignore me after fights. I was even living with one of them and we would walk around the bedroom avoiding eye contact, and if I tried to talk to him he wouldn’t speak to me. Those were immature relationships and that is an extremely immature way to handle conflict. I don’t know if I have any advice for you, but I absolutely believe it is wrong and a form of manipulation to try to “punish” your partner by not talking to them after an argument.

Edited to add: I just read your update – I am so sorry that this is how it turned out. You definitely don’t deserve that, nobody does. It just goes to show his immaturity and quite honestly, his selfishness as well. He should have at least had the decency to break up with you rather than leave you hanging.

Post # 90
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

My Fiance doesn’t ignore me, he calmly says “I’m not going to  continue this conversation with you anymore.” And either I change my attitude, or he repeats himself. I don’t know that god blessed him with patience, but if I find out, I’ll send them your boyfriend’s way.

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