How long into the relationship did marriage come up?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’m almost your age. We were together 3 yrs before getting engaged. You really need to just keep in perspective that people are worried about you because they love you. I gotta be honest, if my friend did this I’d be calling her nuts. Only because I care! So I think live your life, be happy, you’ll just have to deal with the fact that people are going to be concerned. 

Post # 47
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We talked about the concept of marriage early on, but we didn’t talk about it as a plan for us till closer to a year of being together. 

It does seem like you’re moving fast though. Some people might end up with the right partner after such a short courtship, but the majority are not so lucky. It takes time to know a person. Early on you’re just in the honeymoon phase. 

Post # 48
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

When I started dating, I always talked about wanting something serious (hinting at marriage, but that is too soon).  My bf and I started talking about marriage/kids/life together after only a short period because that is what I want.  If the guy doesn’t want marriage, I want to know as soon as possible.

Post # 50
Member
10976 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

raeann1984 :  

To answer the actual question—Dh proposed eight months in.  We were much, much older than you.  I wasn’t ready.

A mere seven years later, I finally got around to it.  Another seven years later and I’m still learning things about him.  Some good, some less than enchanting.

Post # 51
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2018

One of my friends, fell in love for 6 months then got married. But there’s another friend, who has been with her boyfriend for 10 years and they are not married yet, but are planning recently. Both of them are finelaughing

Post # 52
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

I knew pretty much from the first date that my Fiance wanted to get married and have kids (in general, not specifically with me). 

We told one another we loved one another after 7 months, moved in together after 8 months and then after 9 months was the first time my Fiance said ‘I want to be with your forever’ and we spoke about both of us getting married. 

We’ve been together 3 years now. For the last year we’ve been wedding planning, without being officially engaged. Fiance proposed just before 3 years together and we are getting married August 2019 (when we will have been together 4.5 years). 

Post # 53
Member
569 posts
Busy bee

As part of getting married in our church we had to do a marriage preparation course last year with a marriage councillor. She said it takes 4 years to know someone. Also in the first year, you’re still putting your best foot forward.

Post # 54
Member
5006 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2018

We talked about it in general on about our second date. We said I love you at about 3-4 months and by 6 months, we were “probably going to wind up married”. He proposed earlier this week(!) at about 15 months in. We’re getting married at just over 2 years. 

Post # 55
Member
1743 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

desertgypsy :  It really is a different mindset. I have a friend and both her and her husband were divorced single parents. They dated for 2 years before deciding to marry. I think they were constantly being asked by family and people at church about getting engaged. It’s stuff like this that makes me never ask people about family planning. I never ask when a marriage is coming unless I know they are engaged. And I never ask anyone if they are looking to have kids because I know how difficult those questions are if a couple is struggling with infertility.

in any case, I was talking to my sister yesterday about the logistics of when they are flying in from Utah for the wedding and she mentioned they have 4 weddings they are going to throughout April, including the weekend before mine. It’s definitely wedding season. My sister’s ex sil is getting married the week before me and so is a local friend of mine. It makes me happy I gave my date out to everyone early(4.5 months is considered early for us lol).

Yes most of the weddings happening around ours are people who’ve been together less time than we have. I think the couple my Utah sister is going to see wed the weekend before mine has been together since January. It’s pretty normal for us. Now, the ex sil’s been with her guy 3 years and they are 23 years old, but she’s not of our  faith, so her family and friends would definitely side eye if they got married any earlier. 

Post # 56
Member
3047 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I guess you could say it came up during the first date. We established pretty early what one another was looking for and etc…so we both identified that we weren’t really looking for anything casual, were dating with serious intentions in mind, and marriage was a mutual belief/desire.

From there, probably after three months of dating it came up again…more so establishing how we both felt in the relationship this far and where we saw it continuing to go. Same thing at five-six months.

At about a year of dating, he bought a home that we both picked out and I moved in. By then it came up again and more so went into logistics of him trying to feel out what kind of ring I would like. Then at about a year and three months, we got engaged and then married at 2 years 3ish months.

Im pretty happy with the timing as I don’t feel anything was rushed and we had a comfortable period in each stage up to being married. Living together first was invaluable and important to me so I’m glad we went that route. I can see how to some though our timing was probably pretty quick.

Post # 57
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

raeann1984 :  I was with my previous fiance 7 YEARS.  to be short – he was a d8ck and ended up progressing to a proposal after 6 years as it was the next progressive step. 

I then met my current SO – he told me he loved me after our SECOND date – I truly believe we are soul mates, started talking about our lives together right away, married within the year and now expecting a baby (we have been together 3 years :))  He is still just as, if not more, kind, caring, and loving as he was on day one! 

So yes, it does happen! 

I honestly used to think people who did something like this were INSANE – however, i truly now believe, when you know you know.  

Post # 59
Hostess
1852 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

We said I love you after a month (which I never thought possible but when it’s right, you know). Talked about moving in together at about two months. Moved in at eight months after I finished college, we were engaged before our year and a half (which he had to delay because my grandmother died around the time he was going to propose).

I knew we were jumping in kind of fast, but when you know you want to commit to someone, you just know. I went from someone who didn’t want to date, get married or anything. I was sure I was going to wind up 35, single with 50 cats.

Then I met Darling Husband and he changed my mind about everything. We’ll be together five years in december now, and I can’t imagine my life without him.

Post # 60
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

My husband and I dated for about 18 months before getting engaged, but about a year of that was long distance. However, we’d known each other (and been in the same town) for a year before dating. We got married 6 months after getting engaged. For my culture that’s fast; for his it’s the norm. Many people didn’t know we were dating until we announced our engagement (another cultural aspect!), so it felt even faster to them.

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