Post # 1
I came across these boards while browsing online and thought it’d be nice to get some honest opinions on my situation.
First off, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years. 3 years into our relationship, we had a little girl. At that point we weren’t living together and her father decided not to have us move in together because in his words “you don’t move in together only because you have a child”. At that point marriage was not in my mind because I had so much on my plate already. I was working full time, attending school part time, and being a mother.
Fast forward to today. He and I Still have a relationship yet we still are not living together. I on the other hand am ready for more. I am ready for us to get married, be our own family, and move onto the next chapter of our lives. He says he is as well and he’s taken me to look at engagement rings a few times but still nothing has happened. I am trying to be very patient but it’s starting to get to me.
My question to you all is, do think 9 years and a five year old, and not even being engaged iunacceptable?
His reason for not moving completely forward is finances. I understand his concern in a way but I feel that he’s had long enough to get his plan together. Am I wrong?
Post # 3
@EllieM: If a wedding isn’t important to you, I would suggest asking him if he wants to skip the engagement and just elope. You can just get wedding bands and be married. If down the line finances are more in order than you can have vow renewal and reception.
Post # 4
hey there, welcome to the bee! I’m going to be very blunt and honest, your situation would not work for me – I don’t think I have the patience to stick around that long without living together or a ring or at the very least a very clear idea of where you are heading together and when. That said, I am not you and I don’t think I am qualified to tell you what should work for you! I would agree with asscherlover that a good step may be to have a conversation where you let him know that finances don’t need to be an issue (maybe you would be happy with a ring and/or wedding that are cheaper than he thought?) but if you remove the financial excuse and that does not motivate him or he comes up with another reason or reasons to wait, I think I would be very concerned.
Post # 5
@EllieM: He should definitely commit on a greater level with you at this point. At this point he should be participating in the day-to-day childcare and he has had plenty of time to decide if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
Best of luck to you
Post # 6
i’m confused– what will change financially if you get married? all i can think of that would change is that you can share a room, so you probably pay less in rent!