(Closed) How long is too long for an engagement?

posted 10 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 47
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

There is nothing wrong with a long engagement. I have been with my fiance for just over 6 years and engaged for just over 1 we are not getting married for another 2 years. So we are having about a 3 year engagement. And guess what? Many of our friends getting married this year and have next to nothing done planning wise and we have all the major players. Venue, photographer, catering, cake etc.

You guys just need to do what you feel is right. Don’t rush or hesitate just because of what others tell you is right. You will know in your heart. Best of luck!

Post # 48
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Whatever works for you. Can’t noone tell you about your circumstances.

Post # 49
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Hey! I’m a wedding planner so I have a lot of experience in this. 

 

People will always have an opinion about the length of your engagement. Either too long or too short or they may “approve”. Lol. 

The thing is, they’re also going to have opinions about your wedding, your relationship, your kids, etc. People are nosey. People have their opinion for what you should do based on how THEY feel about their own relationship. Example: if a girl is in no rush to get married or hasn’t been in the past, she’ll tell you takeyou’re time. But a girl who feels or felt in the past that she HAD toeve married to keep the relationship or thecouples just couldn’t wait 😉 will tell you to dive in! 

The thing is though, it’s your life. You 2 are the ones joining for life. The human brain isn’t 100%dully developed until you’re 26 and between the ages of 18-25, women change so much it’s ridiculous. What you like, want, think and feel about most things in life is almost certain to change in those years. So I think the timeline you set for yourself is great!!! However, make sure you have premarital counseling no matter how long you’ve been together. 🙂 

 

One piece of advice though, if you’re going to get engaged years before you will be wed, do NOT rush into the planning process!!!!!!!! 

Wedding trends, gowns and ideas change SO much that if you book a vendor or buy something before the year mark, you’re very very likely to find something you like more later and regret your decision. 

DO however, after you get engaged, set a date and set a date to start the planning process. Example: you set a wedding date for May 2016, then set a planning dateorg April 2015!!!! 

This way when you begin planning out of the blue your face won’t feel pushed or surprised but you’ll still have time to get the venue, etc in time!! 

 

Also, set a romantic date Goethe month prior to the planning beginning date so you 2 can reignite your excitement for the engagement and planning process!! As well as to both be on the same page!!!!

Post # 50
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

@pharmy:  its up to you, i will be engaged for about 3 or 4 years before i get married because i need to go through grad school 1st so its generally up to both of you. do what suits both of you because theres no need to rush or hold things off just to please people.

Post # 51
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Personally I would not want to get engaged until I was ready to begin actively planning a wedding.

Post # 52
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve been engaged for 4 years!!!!!! At first it seemed like forever but it ended up working out just fine for us. I’m very indecisive so I could never figure out what I wanted. Every date we set didn’t feel right, I never liked the colors I picked, couldn’t find a dress I liked, wasn’t sure where we wanted to get married, didn’t know the size wedding we wanted…. Then we decided that October 2012 would be perfect! We knew we wanted to get married in Hawaii, we knew the colors, I found my dream dress, he found his dream suit, we found our dream venue and now every little detail is falling right into place. We are getting married in 5 months and couldn’t be happier. Well worth the wait! 

Post # 53
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think anything more than 2 years is long. I mean yeah, I get that people want to be financially capable and/or done with school … but why do you need to be engaged? An engagement is as easy to break as a long term relationship (let’s ignore the emotional side of this) – there really is no written commitment to each other the way marriage does (in a way, it’s just tougher to end a marriage because of the paperwork).

so do whatever floats your boat in your relationship, but I think 4 years is a bit long. People change a lot in 4 years … though yours isn’t the longest engagement I’ve heard of. I know a couple in their teens waiting 6 years to be married >_<

Post # 54
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I don’t think there is a time line for engagements. If you get engaged its nice to have the freedom to start planning with out embarassment for when you’re ready

but the catch 22 is if you get engaged you’ll want the wedding that much more so it probably wont be as long as you think now.

Post # 54
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m not getting married for another four years, with money being the biggest issue. But my fiance and I are okay with it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to wait and making sure you have all your ducks in a row. Every loved one we’ve told our plans to has been nothing but supportive of our long-term engagement. 

The one and only time anybody ever gave me hate or shade over it was on another wedding board that I’ve since deleted my account from, saying things like, “Youre being ridiculous,” “If it’s gonna be that long you might as well not be engaged” and “You care more about the wedding than you do about the marriage.” I was infuriated by this, but at the end of the day what it boils down to is this: It’s our life, it’s our wedding, and we got engaged when we did because we were ready to make the decision to be together forever. 

Post # 55
Member
528 posts
Busy bee

stcott:  This thread is six years old.

Post # 56
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

We bought our home from the estate of a couple who had been engaged for 25 years before they married.

There was a religious conflict between their families, and they waited until the feuding family members died before they finalized their union. 

 

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