(Closed) How long is too long for mom to visit?

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 16
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I used to get along with my mom but after a month it ended with her storming out of the house and now we have a very strained relationship.  If she feels the need to be included all the time I think it’s a bad idea for her to stay long. Yes you will appreciate the cleaning and food prep but here are some things to consider: 1) you will be in pain and sleep deprived will she understand if you are cranky? 2) will she let you parent or expect you to do things her way?  3) will she accept you, hubby and baby doing some things alone and not involve her (at some point you will crave this even if it’s 30 min) 4) will she get exasperated if your child is crying/colicky/sick or will she remain calm? 5) will she accept your dietary restrictions if you have any [my son is dairy intolerant and for her time here she was convincing me he wasn’t and not following my guidelines which made meals hell] 6) will she expect you to eat when it’s convenient for her or will she let you eat at will [first week I had no set eating hours I ate when baby was sleeping and not nursing I needed easy quick preheat able meals and my mom was making me 45 min prep one time meals – by the time she started baby sometimes was already awake and needed o nurse – cluster feeding] 7) will she get upset if you correct her when she does certain things with the baby 8) will she try to override your husbands involvent (aka take baby away from him if he’s changing baby etc)

If you answer yes to any of these limit the time she’s there.  Yes you can have the conversation about it (which I did with my mom) but after 2 weeks time they will naturally revert to their typical character and they can get upset at you saying you are to sensitive, rigid, rude, etc.

 

Good luck

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Ettalie.
Post # 17
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would take all the help I could get. Last time I had an emergency csection and it was rough. Husband could not take much time off from work. I was on my own for about a week and then got sick with mastitis. It felt like the flu on top of recovering from surgery plus getting no sleep. After that Mother-In-Law came for 3 weeks and rescued us. She was nice enough to watch the baby at night so I could get at least 6-7 hours of sleep. It was a lifesaver. Before that I felt like I may have been starting to get PPD but the rest I got made me feel so much better.  It is nice to have someone watch the baby while you go and have a shower. Even putting the laundry hurt at first. My mom was helpful too when she came right after baby was born. I was able to be straightforward with what needed to be done- laundry, etc. and told her what to cook for us, lol. I got plenty of baby time even with help.

Post # 18
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I had originally planned to do everything with just Darling Husband, who took 2 weeks off from work… and on the first day back from the hospital I called my mom in floods of tears and begged her to come and stay because Darling Husband and I didn’t have enough pairs of hands.

I think you will appreciate the help but I would suggest to her to come for a week max, and extend the stay if possible. Or just ask her to book an open return and send her back when you’ve had enough :))

 

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