(Closed) How long is too long to be waiting?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

May I ask how long you’ve been waiting? I am personally not opposed to popping it yourself if you’re ready. I almost did that with my fiance. If you’ve talked about it, and it’s something you know both of you want, why not take the initiative? 

Post # 3
Member
9518 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Depends on how long you have been together, what you have gone through together, why you want to get married… too many variables for such a question

Post # 4
Member
10275 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Completely depends on the relationship. I waited 7 years but my Fiance and I started dating when we were 18 and there was a lot we both wanted to accomplish before getting engaged. However, I don’t think I could have or would have waited that long if we hadn’t always made sure we were on the same page about our relationship, what our goals were for the future, and what we wanted to accomplish before getting engaged. I wouldn’t have waited 7 years for Fiance if he only gave me vague responses as to why he wasn’t ready yet. Thankfully, he was always very honest and direct with clear and rational reasons for wanting to wait as long as we did. I wasn’t just waiting for some vague time in the future when he would be ready, I knew he would be ready after X, Y, and Z were accomplished and when they were he proposed.

Post # 5
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee

When YOU think it’s too long….assuming you are a reasonable, rational, responsible, relationship-savvy woman.

Post # 6
Member
4025 posts
Honey bee

A lot of things can influence what is “too long” or even what is “waiting.” The real question is: are you both on the same page and the same timeline?

My DH and I dated for a long time and he proposed on our 9 year anniversary. But I never felt like I was waiting because we didn’t want to get married until about 7 months before that. We were committed to each other, but we were focused on becoming emotionallyand financially stable. Some might think that is too long, but we were on the same page and he never strungme along or made me feel like I was waiting.

Post # 7
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018 - Leu gardens, orlando

I wouldn’t get fed up with waiting. I you truly love that person and they love you then to me it doesn’t matter about getting married-it is about being with the person you love.

I,’ve been with my o/for 15 years and I knew that he never wanted to get married, did that matter to me? No because we were still together in a loving committed relationship.

When he proposed last May it was a complete and utter shock 😁

Post # 8
Member
24 posts
Newbee

I’m sure you’ll get many varied responses with a large range due to different ages, backgrounds, motives for marrying etc.

For me, I’m at the 7 year mark and although I wouldn’t mind getting engaged soon, I’m also happy to wait another 7 or 8 years for us to reach the peak of our career- it’s a loooong ladder to climb! Maybe I’ll change my mind closer to our 15th anniversary, who knows. His family also think we should wait until we were together for a decade (we’d be around our 30s then), which also sounds reasonable. Obviously this timeline wouldn’t fit someone already in their 30s who are trying to start a family.

Relationships, like children, develop at different paces.

Post # 9
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
miserableatbest:  I waited four years and it nearly killed me… but it was worth the wait… It is up to you. How old you are, how happy you are etc 

Post # 10
Member
619 posts
Busy bee

My SO and I are at the 6 year mark and I’m probably going to be waiting for another 2-3 years until I complete my Master’s Degree. I’m not going too crazy because I figure the proposal will happen when it’s meant to happen.  WeddingBee helps a ton when I feel anxious/impatient!

Honestly, I wouldn’t mind waiting for another 10 years if that’s what my SO wants because he’s worth the wait! Haha. 

Post # 11
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

It depends on the relationship. Couples go through hardships and different points in their relationships at different times. That being said, I can’t imagine being in a relationship for years and years and still not having a general idea of when we would want to get married. There is a “let’s get on with it” point in every relationship, but only you know when you’ve reached that point. 

Post # 12
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

How long is too long is obviously going to vary based on the people and the circumstances. For me, SO and I started dating when I was 17. I definitely didn’t want to get married prior to finishing college so that was going to put us at a minimum of 3.5 years before marriage, which is longer than a lot of people have to wait for a proposal. SO had debt and other things he wanted to sort out so I’ve been impatiently waiting for him to get all his ducks in a row for the last 3 yrs. I’m in dental school now so I decided if I didn’t have a proposal by the time I graduate dental school (that’ll be almost 8 years together) I’m moving on with my life. I let him know that. Hoping I get a proposal this year but we’ll see. We’ve been together a little over 6.5 years. I don’t think there’s a magical year or timeframe that’s like “that’s too long” it’s just kind of about where you are in life, your goals, and when it’s gotten to the point that it’s causing you to compromise too much. 

Post # 13
Member
4493 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I was 30 when I met my now husband.

I only had to wait one year before getting engaged, and I think I would have started getting itchy at about the 2 -3 year mark. 

Post # 14
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
miserableatbest:  As other ladies have said, it’s too subjective. I don’t think there’s a formula that can detrmine the max waiting time appropriate for each couple. It’s really a matter of how long you are willing to wait. 

In the meantime, I’d rather recommend you communicate more with your partner about the future than test your patience. Ask him whatever question or doubt that is in your head and give him the chance to share his plans with you. I can’t even count the number of times I asked my partner about his plans and why he thinks so lol. I’m the more simple minded one in this relationship so I couldn’t understand why there were so many things that needed to be taken cared of (career, finanick stability etc…) before getting engaged. However, giving him the chance to explain himself whenever I had the itch helped me from ever getting anxious or fed up. 

If you trust your partner enough to want to marry him, he should be the one to be answering this question for you. 

Post # 15
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Breckenridge, CO

2 years

 

I dated my ex for 3.5 years and that was a mistake

my fiancé proposed after one year because he isn’t a dummy

 

 

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