- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Hi, Bees. I am in need of some advice… As the title of my post indicates, I’m curious to know other ladies’ persepctives on just how long is simply too long to play host to a family member who is unemployed?
Brief backstory: FI’s younger (in his 50s, so not young) brother came to our place about five weeks ago – to sell his car and wait for a call to fly back east for a job. Well, five weeks later, the car isn’t sold and no call from the employer. He made some not so great decisions financially over the past couple of years and now has just enough money to get himself a flight when (if?) the job calls.
I have to admit that I am frustrated. I just can’t see coming into someone’s house – with no money – and not busting my hump in the meantime to contribute something, anything, to my care and feeding. I have never in my life not fended for myself – I’ve worked retail, catering, waitressed, mucked stalls, temped, whatever I need to do to maintain my head above water – and I DO NOT have any patience with those who don’t… I don’t mean to be judgy, but I am. And it’s showing – to both Fiance and his brother.
Fiance is defensive, and keeps saying that “it wasn’t supposed to be this way” and “he’s just hanging fire” and that little brother is “our guest”.
I know that this is family, but my question is – at what point does soemone who comes into your home with no financial means cease to be a guest and need to step up and find a way to contribute to the household?
I don’t mean to be harsh… I know that family matters are very sensitve – but I also know that if my sister was in this position, she’d be on Craigslist looking for odd jobs and cleaning other people’s homes, if she needed to. She would NEVER come for five weeks and sit on her arse feeling sorry for herself. Oh, bees, I’m feeling very ungracious right now and I don’t know how to flip the switch to a difference frame of reference.
I’m in meetings all day, so I won’t be able to respond to any posts, but I sure would appreciate the discussion between you all. Thanks in advance for any insight.