(Closed) How long is too long to “wait”?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’ve been waiting about a year or so I’d say, and I haven’t gone through the want him to want him to, I don’t, I don’t thing. The only reason we’re waiting though has nothing to do with him being “ready” in the most typical way, we’re waiting more because of the money. He doesn’t want to do a civil ceremony and he wants to get the diamond for me (won’t even go moissy!). He wants to go all sorts of traditional. This summer though, things will happen.

I don’t think there really is a set time on how long is too long to wait. That’s really individualized for the couple and the waiter. It’s not always about the guy not being “ready” to fully legally commit.

Post # 4
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Waiting how? Between engagement and wedding or before engagement? For me, it will be 14 months between the proposal and the wedding, so I could enjoy being engaged and take my time planning. Before the engagement, we’d been together for nearly 10 years and had just enjoyed being together – we knew we were going to be together forever, so there was no massive rush and we could get ourselves into a sensible financial position. I think it depends on the relationship to be honest.

Post # 5
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think it varies person to person depending on their priorities, goals and current life situation. I’ve only been truly “waiting” for about 2 months and it’s already driving me crazy! But I know in my heart I’d wait as long as it took if it means I’d be with him for the rest of my life.

Post # 6
Member
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s not that simple.  Many circumstances come into play for people that causes the waiting period, sometimes.  Sometimes it really is that he just doesn’t “want” to but the relationship might be convenient for him (or her).

Or they may truly be in love and will get married when the time is right.

However, age is a huge factor.  Getting an education is a huge factor.  Maturity is a huge factor.  Finances are a huge factor.  Getting a career established is a huge factor.  There is not just one answer for this question.  It does not mean, at all, that the man may not love you with all of his heart and soul and mind and being but still not be ready to propose. 

People need to get certain things in their lives established and taken care of before they are ready for marriage.

In my case it happened quickly.  We met on July 8, 2010, and were engaged on January 18, 2011, and set our wedding date right away.  But we already have a home, established careers, and are mature enough in age and experience to know, without a doubt, it is the right thing for us.

Everyone is different and at different places; each couple has to do what feels the best for both of their lives, regardless of emotions sometimes.

Post # 7
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

@Sunfire:  Yes each couple is different.  I have been waiting for about a year and half for a proposal because he wasn’t ready yet. We were still young and he takes marriage seriously.  Only within the last 6 months has he been coming around to the idea on his own and planning our proposal in his own way. .  Planning a wedding is his worst nightmare lol. 

It will be over a year to our wedding.  Why? Because planning a wedding is my worst nightmare lol.  So we wont be rushing. 

Post # 8
Member
10 posts
Newbee

I agree with everything Sunfire said. We’ve been together for four years, so I’ve been waiting (at least unofficially) for a while, and I’ll probably be waiting a while longer.

However, our long “waiting period” has nothing to do with how much we want to be together and everything to do with the fact that we’re young and poor. We’ve been out of school for about a year now, and the recession obliterated all the entry-level jobs that were supposed to be in my field. As a result, I’ve been stuck working two low-paying part time jobs, which aren’t going to pay for a wedding. My SO finally got a decent job, but his parents are currently out of work, so he’s been having to support them rather than saving for a ring and a wedding.

As much as we would love to get engaged immediately, we’ve agreed that it would be irresponsible to get married before we’ve been able to meet at least a few more of our career and financial goals. It’s been frustrating at times, but the good things in life are worth waiting for. Laughing

 

 

Post # 9
Member
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Keetopus:  You sound very mature and wise for your years!  Good luck to you and your future fiance, I hope all goes well for you.

Post # 10
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree that it depends on the couple and circumstances.

Being 27 yrs old, I wouldn’t wait 5 or 6 years because I’d like to have children soon but not immediately after getting married.  I would give us a year or two to date/have fun and then, have a serious discussion of whether marriage is something we both want.

My Fiance proposed 1.5 years into our relationship; and, we’re getting married in September.  All together, we would have been together for about 2 years and 2 months. 

Post # 11
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

I waited about a year, but I would have waited forever. I would rather be with him and not be engaged/married, than not be with him at all (: I am glad he did it when he did because now that antsy feeling is gone haha!

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