(Closed) how long is too long to wait???

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: what would you do?
    walk. he knows how she feels and is deliberately not asking. its mean : (126 votes)
    85 %
    stay and hope it comes soon : (23 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    78 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @nearlymarriedlass:  I really think she should leave, thats the best advice I can give. I say this because I know from experience. My man wouldn’t give me a straight answer after dating almost 4 years and living together for 3. It got so bad that he wouldn’t even discuss the future with me period. I had to do what was best for me and left him March 2012. We were apart for a week before he begged me to come back to him and promised me that he wanted to marry me and have kids with me. He made amends with my friends/family. He chose the ring about a month ago, and now I’m just playing the waiting game.

     

     

    I think some men get extremely comfortable and don’t realise how important it is to take the next step until its too late. My SO and I also went to therapy for several months over the issue, that kind of brought everything to the surface and there was no way for him to hide from my questions. Losing me was the worst thing hes ever been through (according to him). He didn’t know how important I was and how much he loved me until he lost me. 

     

     

    If she leaves and he doesn’t beg her back, come to his senses and propose-hes not right for her anyways. If he realises hes been a dum dum and finally gets it together and proposes-then great! I just think life is too short to not get exactly what you want out of it. Your friend is a saint to be so darn patient. She needs to be tough and demand a straight answer. I really suggest if shes not ready to walk, maybe they sit and talk with a therapist, that way he cant dodge the truth. 

     

     

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    3257 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Why doesn’t she just propose?

    Post # 7
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My Uncle was really dragging his heels about proposing so his girlfriend just decided to pop the question herself. He said yes! I think this really brought it home to him how serious she was about marriage. Maybe her asking him is the answer? After all, it’s 2013, who says the men get to do all the asking anymore?

    Post # 8
    Member
    8 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    The part taht bugs me the most about this story is that she doesn’t know WHY.  what is his issue and baggage that is holding him back? If they are to have a solid future together this is not a good way to start a marriage.  My FH knew within months of us dating that I was the one ( i took a lil longer to come around) we knew we wanted to eventually get married that was our plan.  This guy has no plan, he needs to get one.

    Post # 10
    Member
    482 posts
    Helper bee

    8 years and he cant even give her an answer for when? I would suggest she get her walking boots on and go NC. and if he comes crawling back it better be with a ring box in hand. No more of this waiting mess.  8 yrs is too long.

    Post # 12
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I agree with the earlier post, it’s weird she doesn’t know “why”. Did someone close besides his parents have a terrible marriage? Does he not believe in marriage? Does he not want children so he’s holding off on marriage for as long as possible? Maybe they should try couple counseling before she walks? 

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    866 posts
    Busy bee

    It will be 8 years for me when we get married and all i can say is that the right man is worth the wait!  I think if you can consider walking away from someone because they won’t marry you then you weren’t really that in love with them to begin with. I would have stayed with my partner no matter what because our relationship is the most important thing in the world to me.

    I also think that people assume that not wanting to get married automatically means a lack of commitment. I know that my Fiance was totally committed to me for life long before he proposed, he just doesn’t care about marriage at all. He eventually did it because i wanted to but it doesn’t change anything for him. Maybe your friends boyfriend feels the same way

    Post # 15
    Member
    482 posts
    Helper bee

    @WillowTreeWade:  I hate the ‘if you walk away you didn’t love him’ theory. No you walk away because you love yourself enough not to stay in a relationship where your needs are clearly not met and intentionally ignored/disrespected 

    In spite of several conversations after 8 years. I could turn that theory into ‘if he really loved her and knew marriage was important to her he would’ve proposed by now.

    He doesn’t even have the decency to give her an answer after 8 years. He has admitted to someone this is a control issue. So he’s hurting her on purpose. Not cool.

     

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @nearlymarriedlass:  Well giving him an ultimatum and leaving is also quite a lot of pressure. But each to their own. I just think its a bit sad to read about a lot of people just waiting on the man to say they are worthy. Why adhere to traditional values if its making you unhappy?

    The topic ‘how long is too long to wait???’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors