- 12 months ago
I had a very productive conversation with my SO last night that has left me with a bit of worry and I’m not sure if I need to be more patient or not.
My partner and I first met each other for about 4 years ago, but after dating somewhat erratically and things not getting serious (this was a combination of both of us sending mixed signals, I just think we weren’t ready to commit at that point), we finally got serious just over two years ago. I started spending 99% of the time I wasn’t traveling for work at his place, went home with him for Christmas a couple of months later and then we officially moved in together at the beginning of 2018 and the rest is history.
Last night the engagement topic came up (we have been discussing things more and more frequently, and he likes holding my left ring finger and rubbing it, asking if I will say yes when he asks, ring shopping, etc), so I’ve been hopeful that things are somewhat close on the horizon. I just turned 30, and he’s turning 28 in a couple of weeks.
I have always liked the idea of being together for about two years before getting engaged, and especially where I am getting older now I’m starting to feel the clock ticking. We both want two kids ideally, but I want a few married years to enjoy before kids come into the picture. We also wanted to buy a house next year and sell his/our condo, but I’ve told him I’m not comfortable with that until I am engaged at the very least.
I ended up asking him how far away engagement was and he couldn’t really give me much of an idea , so I asked him to give a ballpark , and his answer was a year. I was really hoping to hear 6 months at the absolute most. I know a year isn’t really that much longer, but i can’t help being disappointed. I told him I never want to pressure him or anything but i also don’t want to get resentful towards him. I haven’t been really anxious for a proposal until a few months ago, but I am feeling ready and I’m not sure how hard it’s going to be to wait upwards of a year for that commitment.
I asked him why, and he gave me two reasons: one being needing to save for a ring, which I understand (i also don’t think it would take a year, we both make good money, although he’s off on disability indefinitely due to a medical emergency and we aren’t sure where that will leave him financially yet). The other thing he said is that he wants to make sure we have all of the kinks worked out in our relationship, but he sees us as being 90% of then way to being 100% perfect.
This is where i disagreed with him a bit , i said i am really hoping his expectations aren’t too high of me because i don’t think a perfect relationship is attainable. Now i have concerns that I may end up waiting forever to be perfect, which won’t happen. He assured me that isn’t the case and we are on the same page more than I think, but I still feel uneasy. I also told him that I see engagement as a period where your relationship can continue to grow. If we both agree that we can’t imagine our lives with anyone else and we are committed to making it work no matter what it takes, why wait?
I went to bed after that to give us both time to think, but I’m just anxious about this. We both love each other so much and are best friends, but I’m so worried I will end up wasting my best years on him and get let down. My 6 month idea (which i did not communicate to him because I don’t want to pressure him) and his 1 year maximum aren’t really that far off, but I’m really worried. I’m willing to put work in to continue to improve our relationship but I just hope it’s enough.
Just wanted to hear from other bees if I’m overthinking this (as I am prone to do lol). I wish I was more patient but I’m just so ready for us to take things to the next level and it sucks when he’s apparently “10%” behind me.