(Closed) How long is too long to…..

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

It varies for everyone— factors like age, children, jobs, education and etc. come into play.

I would need to know the situation to give my honest opinion.

Post # 4
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Everyone’s situations are different.. but myself, at my current stage of life, I wouldn’t wait more than 3 years.  I’m 27, working full time and also pursuing my Master’s degree full time.  I’m independant and pretty much have my ducks in a row.  If I were just in school with no income or a lot younger, I’d probably be willing to wait longer.. because there would be things I’d definitely want to acheive and finish before getting married. 

But at this point in my life, I feel like anything over 3 years is excessive… and 3 years is a STRETCH.  I feel like whoever is with me should know one way or the other after the first year… because I definitely know within that time frame– usually sooner.  I don’t have time or patience for someone who drags their feet or likes to hem & haw.  Let’s get the show on the road or I’m taking my circus to another venue.  LoL.  Just sayin.

Post # 6
Member
759 posts
Busy bee

I’m with armychica06, I think it varies for different people.  For me age and financial stability would be big factors that would have to be considered in deciding how long I would wait.

Post # 7
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow – a year is waaaaay short IMO.  I am 33, and I got engaged ~2.75 yrs after dating Fiance.  But “life” had a lot to do with the timing.  FI had moved to VA to work on his PhD, and I was finishing up my PhD in FL, so it was time to make some decisions.  We both had discussed marriage before that, and we both knew we were on that track, but that 1/2 year apart (I think) had a lot to do with him proposing.  

I think it is OK to wait a couple of years, but as PP said, it really is different for every couple.  But I also think it is a lot easier to say “give it more time” after you get engaged!  Lol!

 

Post # 8
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

@krazykat12: that freaked me out too!  Then I thought, I would have freaked out if my SO proposed to me after 6 months (we were 19 then and in college) and probably broken up with him.  That’s just not who I am, I’m slow and want to make super super sure someone’s not gonna pull a bait and switch.  I personally feel one needs to experience someone in all four seasons once, twice to be sure, to really know someone enough.  Though that does NOT mean that I judge others who don’t wait 1-2 years.  To each their own!  That’s why there’s billions of people on earth.

Anyways, for me it varies.  I’ve been with my SO 6 years and could wait 1 more.  Though if we’re being super honest, I could wait many more if he gets more specific about definitely wanting to marry me because I just can’t see me with anyone else and all I need is just an agreement we will get married one day.  Now, if we’re on another planet for just a second and I broke up with him, got over it immediately and started a new relationship the next day, I’d probably be ok with waiting 3 years.

Post # 9
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@krazykat12:

6 months to a year?! Maybe for her clients who are completely established in their careers and since they are supposed to be completely ready for marriage from the beginning…but for normal folks? I don’t think so! My personal opinion would be 3 years into the relationship as ideal. But really anywhere from 2-5 years is pretty standard.

Post # 11
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It took my Fiance almost five years!   But, I was in school at the time, and I would have lost my financial aid had we got married while I was in school.  We both knew we were heading in the direction, but it took a long time to happen! 

Post # 12
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I do think there is truth to some things that she says, but I’d rather know what I’m getting into in terms of my marriage (that is going to last for the REST OF MY LIFE) and have to wait a little longer to actually get married. I think that people who go into a marriage without knowing each other well enough are asking for trouble…I’m in no way implying that it doesn’t work for some people (my grandparents only knew each other for a few months before getting married at age 16 and they are still together 57 years later), but I know quite a few people that have had their lives completely messed up because they didn’t know the things that were important to know before getting into such a serious relationship. Things such as debt, credit, kids from past relationships (yes I know someone who didn’t know that her husband had a child because he never mentioned it and didn’t pay child support), level of education (knew someone whose husband said he was working on his masters, but didn’t even have a college degree in general…he fabricated documents to prove he was in school). I mean there are some serious crazies out there. I don’t think that spending a few years getting to know the person you’re about to marry is a bad idea.

Post # 14
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I think 3 – 4 years maximum if you’re both working and have stability.  I would find it insulting if a guy waited 10 years to propose! 

I can understand people in their teens or early 20s or still studying wanting to wait a little longer than 3 – 4 years though. 

Post # 15
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@krazykat12: I think that you need to date at least one year if you are done with school and have a career. The max I am willing to wait is 2 to 3 years but then I am in my 30’s and 3 years is pushing the limit. If you are in your 20’s and depending on the circunstances, 3 years is not unreasonable. I also believe that you should never live with someone before you are at least engaged. I believe that when you live with someone, the man gets complacent and does not want to change the status quo.

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