(Closed) How long is too long to…..

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
3952 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My bff waited 7 years to get married to her bf (now H). 

It was well worth the wait.  They’re the coolest couple ever!  She paitently waited for him to finish law school and they were engaged for almost 2 years too.

Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Whatever feels right, just might be right!  You’ll know when you feel it’s time to have “the talk”.

Post # 18
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I waited over 7 years but that may be too long for most. We started dating when I was only 16 and I wanted to wait until we atleast had stable jobs and were both done with school.

Post # 21
Member
3952 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

And I do agree w/that.  I felt myself, when I met dh, I was in late 30’s.  Time is a bit different somewhat when you’re older.

I knew what I wanted in life, and when I met him, knew he was the right one.  We waited about 2.5 years before we got married.  Engaged at the 2 year mark.

True, my bff was about 20 when they met. 

Post # 22
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with PP, the answer to this question varies widely depending on circumstances, such as age, maturity and general readiness. For me personally, once I was ready for marriage, I knew that I wouldn’t wait around for much longer than a year. But, I was ready for marriage in my late twenties and knew what I wanted in a partner. My husband and I both knew that we want to marry each other about 3 months into our relationship and were engaged in less than a year of dating. 

Having said that, if I was asked this question in my early twenties, I would have said that 3 or 4 years of waiting is not unreasonable, simply because at that point in my life I still had a lot to figure out and would need much more time before making such a serious commitment as marriage.

Post # 23
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I waited about 6 years before my Fiance proposed (age 19-25) but if I were to start over with someone new right now… I’d want to be on the same page within a year and engaged within two. If either of those things didn’t happen I would probably move on.

Post # 25
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think it varies with age and position in life, there’s no one rule for everyone.  When you’re older (say, thirties or older), established career wise and ready for children, the one year rule is fine.  I’m in this boat.  At 33, I don’t have the luxury of waiting 3+ years, as I want children.  For younger folks, however, I think waiting at least 3 years is wise. 

Post # 26
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@MsFoxxy:  I agree with all this.  If we were younger and/or didn’t have our sh!t together, then I wouldn’t mind waiting for a while.  But we’re 27 and 29, and haven’t had any school/jobs/distance/life situations to prevent us from getting engaged, so 3 years (maybe even 2.5) would be my max. 

We’ve been together 2 years and I think we’re getting really close, so it’s working out pretty well.  But I’ve known that I wanted to marry him for over a year now!  I think it took me 8-9 months to decide he was it.  But like everone else has said, it varies SO much depending on your relationship.

Post # 27
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

He waited 3 years because we live with his parents and we could not have afforded a wedding any time soon. But we both knew after about 3 weeks and knew the timeline we wanted.

I wouldn’t want to be with someone who isn’t sure about me after 6-9 months… I would only want someone who is crazy about me, who I’m also crazy about, on more than a physical level. Don’t settle!

Post # 28
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think if you’re not at least talking marriage within the 1-2 year mark (and this is assuming you’re both responsible adults old enough to marry), that’s a red flag. After said “talk,” I wouldn’t wait for a ring much longer than a year. JMO.

Post # 29
Member
3974 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think it depends on the couple, but personally waiting over a year after we’ve discussed our future plans would start to drive me nuts.

I’ve been dating my SO for 3 years, about 6 months of that I’ve been waiting.

Post # 30
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee

When I was in college, I always said I didn’t want to get married until I was 27 and older and then he better propose by yr 3. At 29 now, about to be 30, it’s time to do it. He says he has the ring-new to me- so let’s get it started already. I want 2011 and age 30 to be my most eventful year. 🙂

Post # 31
Member
6377 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it really depends on age. If you’re later in life then a shorter dating period is somewhat expected. If the couple is in their early 20’s, I personally like to see them date for atleast a few years so that they can experience more than just the “honeymoon” phase of their relationship.

Fiance and I dated for more than 5 years when we were engaged. We are both 24 and will be 25 when we get married in October. I considered myself waiting for about 2 years but looking back, I’m happy we decided to wait the 5. We’ve been living together and sharing finances for so long that we’re already as married as two people can be without it being legal. We know how to deal with the majority of the issues that will come up in the future because we’ve already dealt with them when we were dating. 

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