Post # 1
I’m really new here…. I Just wondered… how long one should wait?
My bf and I have been together for 1.5 years, known each other for a good 2.5 years. I’m going to be striaght out… I want to get married and start my family ASAP.
To get to the point, he has be ‘talking’ about marriage… brought me to a few stores…even made me try on rings and such. But when it comes down to ACTUALLY getting it… He keeps saying to wait and save up. I dunno what exactly he WANTS to get for me… since i’m not a HUGE PERSON on rings. I’m a tomboy… so i’m simple. I would imagine the ring to be no more than 2-3k… and He makes A LOT OF MONEY… so i don’t think money is an issue. He also doesn’t plan on buying a house ANYTIME soon at least for 5 years or so … or buying ANYTHING important anytime soon…
He’s 30-31 years old. I’m 27-28 yrs old. We’re not exactly young and kiddies anymore. we should already be married with a couple of kids… but we’re not. I’m not exactly getting any younger, and he is always talking about Wanting minimum of 3-4 kids… but I told him i don’t plan to have any kids AFTER 35… due to health reasons. So how are we going to have 3-4 kids before i’m 35 if we don’t hurry it up with it. I’m not magically going to be able to pop out 4 kids at a time like a dog.
So with all this talk, he had said he’d propose by March…. it’s march and almost gone. He said the other day “let’s wait a bit longer….maybe another month or so to save up more.” I dunno what exactly he is SAVING UP FOR?!!!
I know he’s not a romantic man… nor does he KNOW HOW to be. I don’t expect him to do anything EXTRAGANT… so i dunno what is taking so long.
He said he’s not the type to ‘break’ his promises, but he has…. after not doing it in march. I’m going to be 28 in may… and I HATE PEOPLE who are all talk and no walk.
Do you think it’s a good idea to walk out and move on with my life and (find my possible future husband) by my 28th b-day? I care about the guy and i do love him, but I also love myself and i KNOW i’m worthy of being someone’s wife. I’m a capable woman, with lots of love for children, and can take care of my family. But if he doesn’t want to provide it soon… is it wise to bounce out??
Please give me your thoughts. Thank you!
Post # 3
You honestly need to stick it out if you see your future with him and love him. You cannot force a man to propose if he is not emotionally ready. Wait it out I say:)
Post # 4
Just go with it, if he is the one, you would really not want to call it off and he already have it planned out when to ask you. be patient and love him. I went through this and he asked on Christmas last year. he kept telling me the exact same thing and i eventually stopped houding him about it and was so suprised when it happened. 🙂
Do not walk out on him!! Love him and he will ask when he is ready. he probably already has it planned.
Post # 5
Think about what it is your really want.
Do you want to:
A) Spend the rest of your life with this man?
B) Get married ASAP to whoever is willing?
Have the two of you had conversations about your future together (and I don’t mean just getting engaged/married) but your life goals? Your goals for your careers? For having a family, etc?
How often do you talk to him about getting married? Could you be bugging him about it so much that he doesn’t have the time to get a ring and propose before you bring it up again?
I think you need to take a step back, he knows what you want and what you are waiting for, now you need to give him time to do what he is going to do.
Post # 6
I think IF you did walk away,you might end up with whoever and be married to some guy you arent 100% in love with just to be married, not saying you would do it but it could happen.
Post # 7
Try to hold tight for another four days. It’s March 28 — let’s see what happens AFTER March 31. He just MIGHT be trying to surprise you. 🙂
If he doesn’t produce the ring and pop the question before April 1, he may just really be saving. YOU may be thinking that you want a $2-3K ring, but HE may be thinking something that costs $5K or $10K. There ARE beautiful rings at nearly every price point. However, he may be trying to get you a larger or better stone than you may be thinking. I would not do antying or say anything further to him about this until April. At that point, just let him know that you would be really happy with a less expensive ring if it means you’re able to move forward now vs. six months or another year from now. Then, see what he says.
Post # 8
My FH and I had talked a lot about marriage and future before getting very serious into our relationship. We were only technically together for a year before getting engaged, but he had already talked EXTENSIVELY about it. Even though I had gone with him to pick the ring, he found a way to surprise me with the proposal. You don’t NEED to know exactly what day it will happen. You DO need to make a date in your mind that you are comfortable walking away from this relationship if he does not propose. TALK TO HIM about what he is waiting for… it could be other marriages he’s seen failed or just the reality of it all can be overwhelming. HECK I feel that way and my wedding is in a little over 2 months. FH was much more sure that I was, but I couldn’t be happier. DON’T RUSH, but also don’t settle.
Post # 9
@KatNYC2011: i ALSO forgot to mention… i’m of asian background… and as of now, my family are really pressuring me to either get married to him, or they will start finding suitors for me.
IF you don’t know much of asian background, i’m considered WAAAAY past my prime for marriage. A good marriage age would have been 22-26 years old. I don’t want to disappoint my family… nor do i want to be married in my 30s and have no chance for children and being a mother. I don’t wanna be a granny-mom. I want to be a young mom who can run and play with her kids.
We’ve talked about every goal under the SUN for the both of us. And everything seems to be in place. I don’t actually bring up the talks for marriage… HE DOES. Which irritates me to no end. Sometimes it feels like he’s just stringing me along… and SAYING what i want to hear cuz he knows of my goals and plans. I’ve told him, if he’s not serious about it, don’t bring it up and hurt my pride in the end.
He keeps saying i’m the one… the only one… ect ect ect.
i DON’T LIKE PEOPLE TO play with my heart and emotions, and sometimes i feel that he is…. sadly.
Post # 10
Honestly it sounds like you’ve worked yourself up into quite a state over this. You compared yourself to the ‘average’ several times in your post, but that is in fact, just not accurate. Everyone’s different. You’re not old. You can still have kids. You’re not losing time. Your dude said one more month and you’re losing your shit! Give him his month and see what happens.
You can do what you want with your life, but to think that you’re getting too old for anything at 27 years old is ridiculous. I’m 31 and will be getting married in May. And this is exactly how my life was supposed to turn out. Don’t force yours – just let it happen.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
What’s more important to you:
1. Spending the rest of your life with this man, or
2. Getting married to “someone” and having kids.
If it’s #1, it’s worth waiting for him. If it’s #2, then maybe you cut him lose.
I was feeling the same way about my Fiance at the same point in our relationship- my Maid/Matron of Honor said- “If you know you’re going to spend the rest of your life with him, could you wait another two years for him?” And the answer was yes. I’m going to be 40 when we’re married, and kids might not happen for us, unless we adopt. But it was more important for me to be with him than without.
Post # 12
I hope this comes out the way I want it to, but I seriously think you need to take a step back. I think a lot of us have “been there” once we’ve been bitten by the engagement bug and we feel like it’s taking forever. But just for some perspective, a lot of people are “waiting” much longer than 1.5 – 2 years for an engagement ring. Some bees waited close to a decade! Why? Because they loved the man they were/are with and consider that more important than a ring or an arbitrary “be engaged by” date. I am not trying to sound harsh, just trying to lend some perspective.
Maybe he just has a preconceived timeframe in his head regarding proposing. I know my Darling Husband did. He wanted us to have been together for a minimum of 2.5 years and we got engaged just before our 3 year anniversary. You can’t rush him or it will become an uglier situation than it needs to be! If you love him, stick it out. Give him some room and think about a date where you can bring it up and ask why he hasn’t proposed yet (calmly and rationally, not out of anger or emotion) and go from there. Use that to make sure you’re on the same page. If you aren’t, then by all means, leave. But by that I don’t mean you want to be engaged by May X and he was thinking July X. That, to me, seems like it would lead to a lot of heartbreak that is unnecessary.
Think about this – what’s more important? Being engaged by a certain TIME or WHO you are engaged to? Keep in mind that if you leave, you aren’t suddenly going to find a guy to marry and you’ll actually end up older when THAT guy proposes than if you just work on getting past expectations regarding an age you want to be engaged by now. Make sense?
I wish you all the best and hope it works out! 🙂
Post # 13
Thank you for your inputs.
I know it may seem like I’m ‘rushing’ it…. but it’s also cuz he keeps egging it at me… like he’s dangling it above me. And I dunno what to do anymore.
He keeps doing things that makes it seem like he’s ‘serious’… but at the same time he won’t take me to get the ring sized… or get the ring customized… cuz he said he wants a customized ring and he’s going to take me in and have the ring made to WHAT I WANT. If thats the case, why not take me in and get it drawn out/scuplted out… or w/e it is that is done.
It’s just frustrating to say the least… that it’s not me who is WANTING it so much … but it’s him who “Says” he wants it…. but does nothing about it. It sends me mix messages… does he really want me? Does he not? Is he having second thoughts? IF SO… just cut me loose and let me go so I can get cracking on my life. I know i SOUND like i dont care about him… but i do!! I REALLY do! But i don’t want to waste time… cuz time waits for NO ONE even if I WAIT.
But yeah…. I’ll wait til May. And see what happens…. he said “another month” and waiting til May is actually giving him TWO months… an extra month more than what he told me the other day.
I’ll decide then… what to do with my future. 😀
Post # 14
Honey come in off the ledge! Start living and not focusing on this so much it will happen. You’re not old. Things may not always happen in your little box, but they will happen. In the meantime live life and enjoy the things you love. Except looking at wedding stuff. Good luck!
Post # 15
Is it really the end of the world if you’re not married? Just look at Kim Kardashian…do you really want to marry the first man who proposes for a whopping 72 days?
Post # 16
@CHO: I was with my fiance for almost 5 years before he proposed. There were times I thought about it but I didn’t let it take over how I felt about our relationship. I knew that I loved him and I knew that we would get married one day. I knew he was on the same page, so I didn’t feel the need to push the issue. We talked about it but I never gave him a deadline. I wanted him to propose b/c he wanted to not because I made him. Yeah, I waited a long time (and some girls might have left before them) but it made the proposal that much sweeter. My fiance asked me about 2 years before we got engaged what sort of ring I wanted and told me to start looking….and then nothing happened. So I can sort of relate to your situation. I was upset but after talking to him I realized that it had to do more with his finances than his feelings for me. He didn’t want to go massively in debt for the ring and wanted to save. He wanted to wait until he could buy me a beautiful ring and pay for most of it. And he did. Everytime I look at the ring, it makes the waiting so worthwhile. He had a timeline in his mind and I didn’t rush him. I let it happen when he was ready. I’m just saying there might be a reason why hes waiting. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. I would just focus on the relationship, not the end result. Also, and please don’t take this the wrong way, you should stop reading forums where engaged women talk about their weddings. Its probably only going to make you feel worse.