- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
If I go by our “deadline” I’ve got 10 weeks left of “waiting.” max.
27th of June is our 3 year anniversary. To recap: Back in November I got annoyed at the constant mixed signals he gave me about out future. One minute he would talk like he was about to propose “a ring isn’t that far away” to sounding like he doesn’t give it a secont thought- “We’ve got forever, whats the rush”?? So I made a point of talking to him and saying exactly how I felt and how I was ready (more than ready) for the marriage/baby shebang but I needed to know exactly where he saw us going. I’ve never doubted that he loves me and I knew he saw us having a future but I needed to hear him say it rather than letting me assume everything. He asked me to give him a few days to consider everything I’d said and came back to me and said, give me 6 months. I’d asked him for an answer and he gave it to me. I was bummed at the time that it wasn’t sooner but I couldn’t ask him for anything more.
Back in November that seemed like a MILLION years away, and in some ways it still does, but what makes it feel ALOT closer is the fact that we’ve passed all the events that we had between that talk and our 3 year anniversary (which I assume is when he’ll do it)
We’ve been through, Xmas, New Year, Valentine’s day, my birthday and his. The next big event on our calendar our Anniversary.
I don’t know if its because I’m running out of the everlasting patience I seemed to have had in this crazy waiting world or if its because I know deep down its coming soon but my waiting cycles have got more intense and repetative.
One week I can feel fine about the whole waiting process then literally days/weeks later I feel like I can barely breath from the fustration, and I thank you all, particually Isilme (for her wonderful words from my post a few weeks ago when I was in a baddd funk) for helping me to keep my cool when I needed to vent.
I’m still nervous that the deadline will be passed and I still haven’t decided how I’ll deal with the situation if that happens. I don’t for one second think he doesn’t want to marry me etc I just think it would be because he’s being “male” about it and acting like he’s got all the time in the world.
I am trying sooo hard not to bring it up too much, but it does happen in context of a conversation but I’ve also noticed that he’s mentioning things a bit more, in front of my siblings he was telling a funny story about us and he then said “that’s a good story for the wedding”… and in front of his family at his birthday he said to his dad, “you want to be a grampa soon don’t you?” … I actually cringed at that but I also loved that he’s clearly thinking ahead now and isn’t ashamed to say it outloud.
I wonder if I’ll read this post in June/July and be feeling as confident?! 10 weeks?!! tooooo long!