How long should an engagement be?

posted 6 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

It should be as long as it takes for you to be ready financially and emotionally. If there  is zero progression along the way, I’d say it would be time to reevaluate. 

Congrats, there is zero rush. 

Post # 3
Member
2909 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I had a four month long engagement, most of the people I know have about a year to a year and a half long engagement. But I’m 31, so things are quite different at this age than at 19.

Do what works for you guys, but unfortunately that will come with some judgment, I’ve seen it happen with a couple of couples I know who had long (3 plus year) engagements. Just ignore it, someone will always have something to say about any of our choices 

chocolatewings122 :  

Post # 4
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

Do not let other individuals shift your decisions. Everyone has different circumstances to consider. I have known people to have had a 6-month engagement as their parents funded the wedding and I have known people to have had a three-year engagement as they wanted to finish their degree before having a wedding. No life is linear. Take your time. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

Googling tells me the average is about 12 to 18 months, which is actually longer than I expected and about how long I want my engagement to be.

I think over two and a half years would be too long for me, but I would never tell someone their engagement was too long unless a) they asked for my brutally honest opinion or b) their fiance(e) continued to push the date back.

Post # 7
Member
11618 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I don’t see the point of being engaged if you are not in a position because of finances and your ages to plan a wedding or about to start planning. A year or a little more is typical around here as popular venues and popular times of the year can book up fast. I’ve also been to beautiful weddings that were planned in six months. 

At 19, I would advise against an official engagement, though. What is your rush? 

Post # 8
Member
45 posts
Newbee

I’ve been engaged since June 2017 and I don’t see anything wrong with that. My fiance and I are in a similar situation where we are waiting to graduate college first and saving up for our wedding. It’s fine to have a long engagement as long as you and your fiance are on the same page and also financially + emotionally ready. Focus on school and enjoy the moment 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
1885 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

We were only engaged for 6 months (I was 27) but I have friends who were engaged for 5 years (and that was their plan from the start) (she was 20 when they got engaged) . Different things work for different people, and especially when you’re young I don’t think it’s a bad thing of that’s what you want. 

Post # 10
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Our engagement will be about 4/5 years. We’re paying for it wholly ourselves and want to buy a house first. If a long engagement works for you then it works for you. If you want to make that next level of commitment go for it. I quite enjoy being engaged so don’t feel the need to rush into being married, I’m too busy enjoying this stage in our relationship and looking at Pinterest for ideas to worry about wether people think it’s too long or that we shouldn’t have got officially engaged until we could afford a wedding. 

Post # 11
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

I personally don’t see the point in being engaged if you’re not going to plan a wedding. We got engaged in November and are starting to look at venues in a few weeks’ time. However we want to get married in London so things get booked up 1 to 2 years in advance. I think we will probably end up being engaged 1.5-2 years simply from an availability perspective. We are hoping to book a venue by the spring even if the wedding then isn’t till early 2021. But if we had no intentions of planning a wedding we wouldn’t have bothered getting engaged. We waited nearly 8 years to get engaged as we didn’t feel ready to start planning a wedding till very recently.

Post # 12
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

Our engagement will likely reach the 1.5-2 year mark at the very least because we would like to buy a house by the end of this year.

Buying a house costs a lot of money as I am sure everyone knows, and we are paying for both our house and wedding out of our own pockets hence the longer than ‘average’ engagement.

Post # 13
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

At 19 its expected for you to have a longer engagement, I’m suprised people are pushing you two to get married sooner rather than later. 

Post # 14
Member
4700 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Everyone is different.

For me personally, being engaged is an intention of marriage not a separate marital status. It’s a stepping stone. You get engaged, you plan a wedding. Often that planning includes working out finances. We were engaged 9 months (though we only announced 6 months ahead) but we were in a fortunate position financially.

I have friends who’re engaged with no intention (eg I know someone who wanted to have children but felt more comfortable being engaged doing so) or a maybe “someday”. I know a lot of people who wait because they have other financial priorities like buying a house. It’s not for me, but each to their own.

I’d say less than a year is “short”, 18 months is about average and anything over 2 years is “long”.

As PP said, lots of venues get booked years in advance so if you’re set on a particular date or venue that can lengthen the engagement. We got the last Saturday in high season when we booked, we were really lucky. But we wrote off venues that couldn’t accomodate us in 2018. One place said the first summer Saturdays they had were 2020 and we booked a little over 12 months ago.

Post # 15
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Our engagement will have been 8 months, but I’m 32 and my fiancé is 34. Many people have been shocked and have an opinion about the length of our engagement, it’s really strange but we’re ready mentally and financially. We both have graduate degrees stable jobs and income. Our relationship is strong and are we very ready to be husband and wife. My point is regardless of what you decide for yourself, there will always be people with opinions on how you should be doing things, most of those opinions are based on their experiences, not yours so just you can listen to their advice but ultimately do what’s best for you. 

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