(Closed) How long should I give him before I bring it up again?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Tatum :  OP also said that she cornered him to tell about the ring, it didn’t sound like he would have told about it himself. Should he have lied and make her think that he was nowhere near to proposing and possibly risking the relationship?

Post # 32
Member
21 posts
Newbee

phillygirl93 :  I didn’t say that he’s feelings matter more. I think proposing is very important for most men to get right and I don’t think anything good will come out of forcing him to do it sooner than he planned.  She knows the proposal is coming soon. A “warmer month” probably means this month or July or August. Is it worth it risking a big fight and possibly making him NOT want to even propose now that it’s so close anyway?

Post # 33
Member
2482 posts
Buzzing bee

londonanne :  If my partner chose NOT to propose to me simply because I asserted my right to be an equal partner in planning our shared future, LOLOLOLOL. I’m not even going to finish my thought because your mindset on this is so messed up.

YOU’D be ok with YOUR partner choosing NOT to propose because you were “bad”?!???!

You have every right to apply this patriarchal thinking to your own relationship but, for the love of god, don’t subject other women to it. 

Post # 34
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

londonanne :  If he had his heart set on proposing in the summer, he should have told her whenever she cornered him that the proposal would come in the summer. The “warmer month” comment only came about recently.

Post # 35
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee

londonanne :  So when he told her about the ring he could have said “I’ll propose by the end of september”. Problem solved and nothing is given away. Also punishing OP with postboning when asking about her own future does not sound that good either. Proposals are important to the guy. But more important than the wellbeing of the woman he wants to marry? You can have a suprise element and discuss the process.

Post # 36
Member
21 posts
Newbee

duchessgummybunns :  Jeez. If that’s what you got from my comments there’s nothing I can really say to you.  Op asked for advice, I’m not pushing my ” messed up” and “patriarchal” (?) thinking on anyone. I used to obsess over my boyfriend proposing to me but now I know that he just wanted to make sure that it would be special and wait for the right moment. I would have been ready ages ago but I’m not robbing the proposal from him. I want it to be a moment that we BOTH will cherish for the rest of our lives.

I think I’m out of this thread now 🙂 Good luck with the waiting OP whatever you decide to do! xx

Post # 37
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

londonanne :  I used to obsess over my boyfriend proposing to me but now I know that he just wanted to make sure that it would be special and wait for the right moment. I would have been ready ages ago but I’m not robbing the proposal from him.

But I think that’s exactly the problem, you waited and waited but were willing to swallow your impatience.  However, this doesn’t work for many women, it wouldn’t work for me either. I personally would prefer him to propose sooner during a moment that wasn’t so special, than to drag it on waiting for a special moment (because during the waiting period resentment may grow and the surprise then comes off as not so good because it’s overshadowed by the resentful anticipation).

Post # 38
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

svargas :  When my fiancee proposed we had been together 3.5 years but honestly I think he would have done it sooner if I hadn’t brought it up so much! 

If your partner is anything like mine, he will want it to be a surprise and really special, and not feel like he’s giving in to you or that you’re bossing him around into it. 

Try to releax and trust that he will do it. Hang in there honey, I know it’s annoying! But it is so much nicer when you’re totally not expecting it xx 

Post # 39
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Yeah, I can’t with his “sooner than you think” nonsense.

Like a couple other PPs, I had no idea my Darling Husband had my ring, but he spent months customizing it, it arrived on a Thursday, he proposed Saturday. There is no need to sit on a ring for 5 months unless he wanted to specifically tie it to a holiday or anniversary or something.

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