(Closed) How long should I schedule my wedding after my brothers?

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: How long after should I schedule my wedding after my brother's?
    1 month after should be fine : (7 votes)
    20 %
    2 months apart is better : (11 votes)
    31 %
    Anything after 3 months is fair game : (13 votes)
    37 %
    6 months apart at minimum : (4 votes)
    11 %
    At least a year apart : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2397 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Does your family live in the same area as where your wedding will be held?  If you’re having a destination wedding or if your family is coming from out of town, it may be wise to leave some distance between your wedding and your brother’s.  If everyone lives in the same area, I don’t think 1 month is a big deal.  I would ask your family what they think.  Good luck, and congrats on your engagement!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Are you in contact with your brother’s FI?  It might be easier to coordinate with her, if your brother is difficult to reach.  I agree with blueshoes, I would leave more time if people are traveling, so you don’t break their budgets.  Also, you should leave enough time so that if your brother and his Fiance go on a honeymoon, they’ll still have time to get home and settle in.  I went with 2 months, but I think 3 would be better if possible.  I think you need to find out for sure what he means by “soon after he gets home”, because that could mean October or November or even December.  Depending on how flexible him and his Fiance are, they might even be ok with you having your wedding first if they’re planning for a winter wedding…

    Post # 5
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I second talking to his Fiance. She’ll likely do more of the planning, and since they’ve been together so long, surely you know her. They may not actually know when he’s coming back, and thus may not be able to set a date.

    Is most of you family out of town? If they live locally, you could do it a month after no problem; if they’re traveling to come, it would be much easier for them if there were more time between weddings.

    Post # 6
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Have they set their date yet? Are you both planning on a large wedding?  I would definitely say work with your Future Sister-In-Law and see what she was thinking for a date.  At this point, if they haven’t set a date, you could set a date and then they would go from there.  If your family is all local 2-4 weeks would be fine.  If they are flying in from afar, probably 3 months.  You could also do it as a family weekend afair where one of you got married on Friday and one on Sunday. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I think a month is fine. Deployments involve extenuating circumstances. They’re in a bind, you’re in a bind. Hopefully his Fiance is understanding. If not, this deployment will surely open her heart a little more. Likely, the fact that there is another wedding a month after her Fiance comes home from Iraq will be “small beans” compared to what she has on her own plate (just dealing with it in general) so hopefully she’s just cool! I’d go with November IF he has an October wedding. I think December would be ok, too. A little breezy but nothing so cold it’d be miserable. My SIL got engaged and married within 3 months to make it so her brother could make it to their wedding. It’s a scramble! 

    And….from my experience….the military has a tendency to draw out deployements. I know plenty of people who were SUPPOSED to leave in October but didn’t make it home until November for various reasons (flying home is a biotch for one). So likely his Fiance will want to give herself some buffer weeks just in case something gets postponed a la The Army. Basically, don’t take their word for it cuz they DO screw plenty of people over. So just because he says “oh i shoudl be home in October” doesn’t mean he will be.

    By The Way does he only have a 7 month deployment??? Or is October his R&R. Cuz most people i kjow have 12-15 month deployments. I have NOT heard of anyone having only a 7 month one. That is so short in my opinion..i’d be VERY concerned the military would graciously extend it to 12 months as is common….

    Eek. Sorry i’m not much help.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I know both your and your brother have been in serious relationships for a very long time and both recently got engaged.  I would try to schedule one wedding for this fall (october or so) and the other wedding in the spring maybe.  I would spread them out even more, but after waiting 6/11 years to get engaged, I can’t imagine you or him wanting to put off the marriage any longer. 

    Also, is his Fiance going to want to get married so soon after his return?  What if his return gets delayed?  What if she wants him to be a part of the wedding planning some?  Maybe it would make more sense for you to get married in the fall because you can start planning now, and they get married in the spring so they can plan for a while after you.  This is hard though because he did get engaged first so he does kind of have the right to pick his wedding date first.

    Also think about showers/parties, etc.  Even if your actual weddings are a month or so apart, there will only be so many weekends to have parties.  Would you be ok with maybe joint showers?

     

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I think at least two months apart is ideal, more is better. My brother is getting married in August and my FI’s mom in October… and even though we wanted a fall wedding we’ve decided on Feb to give us some clearance from the other weddings.

    Post # 10
    Member
    5670 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would say a month apart would be fine. Like previos post have mentioned, if the majority of the same guests will be at both of the weddings just make sure they are not traveling for these wedding. If there is travel involved I would advise a little more time between the weddings, if not I’d say go for it. I know I go to plenty of wedding back to back weekends.

    The other question I have to ask is are your parents contributing financially to both of your wedding. This was the case for my brother and I so my parents asked if we could space things out a little so they could help us both out. My only other concern would be your brother. How long will he be deployed when he comes home for his wedding? Make sure you have your wedding before he had to leave again because I’m sure you wouldn’t have a wedding without him.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    2395 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I totally agree with ejs about the buffer weeks.  My Fiance was supposed to be back in the beginning of February last year and it was almost March when he was finally back in the states…and definitely talk to your bro’s Fiance.

    @ejs…I think the Army is the only branch that does the 12-15 months deployments.  I pretty sure the Marines only have 7 month deployments.  One of my sisters friends is in the Air Force and he was only in Iraq for 3 months. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    64 posts
    Worker bee

    I would say two months or more is better.  My brother scheduled his wedding a month before mine, and a lot of our relatives (since they’re all out of state) opted to not go to either one rather than choose.  Your relatives seem like at least they’re a little bit closer than mine, so you may not have that issue, but for me it really feels like they’re too close. 

    By the way, I think it’s great that you’re taking the time to compromise and work out the situation so that both sides are happy.  It’s very considerate. 

    The topic ‘How long should I schedule my wedding after my brothers?’ is closed to new replies.

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