How long should I wait?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2020

Both in your thirties, together five years…but he’s hesitant to marry you because you’re “moody?”

I think you already know what you should do, but on the off chance you don’t…I don’t recommend waiting indefinitely.

Post # 3
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry that you’re in this situation Bee. It doesn’t sound promising if all he says is soon and a year has gone by. It’s your choice what to do but I think if you do stay with him and he doesn’t propose by your birthday the chances are it will never happen or you’ll be waiting an incredibly long time, neither of which you’ll be happy with. Think about what you want, think about your happiness and decide from there. 

Post # 4
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

If he’s unable to accept that you’re human and will get moody on occasion for whatever your reasons, maybe he needs to work on his expectations.

Up to you what you decide to do but if he can’t accept you when you’re merely “moody” will he be there for you when life rips your heart out? Cuz it will sooner or later. 

Post # 5
Member
28 posts
Newbee

If you have told him what you want and by your birthday nothing happens I would consider ending it. You have a life to lead!

Post # 6
Member
13 posts
Newbee

I’m so sorry Bee…

Maybe if he doesn’t propose on your birthday then ask him one more time. But I think he has a deeper issue….like maybe he is a typical man that thinks that you’ll be one of those women who won’t let him go see his friends and will keep him locked in ( I’m being little bit dramatic but you get the point). Maybe in that conversation ask him what are his fears or just thoughts about marriage and then he can become calmer with it.

On the topic of being moody, I mean and think it’s just his fears have become so big and he is buying his time with that but amazing that you became better 🙂 and if that was really his concern for marriage then it’s done and now he really has to say his fears and thoughts.  

 

Good luck Bee 🙂

Post # 7
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

Because you’re moody.. he just doesn’t want to get married. He loves you, but marriage is not something on his to-do list. If that’s fine for you, staying as girlfriend with him for who knows how long, keep the relationship and live with it. If getting married is your goal, this man may not be able to fulfill that. 

Post # 8
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree.  A man in his late 30s who has been dating for 5 years and still needs more time to think about it is classic commitment-phobe material.  If it doesn’t happen on your birthday/anniversary, I’d be very surprised if it ever does happen.  

Post # 9
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@StephCor:  Come on, bee. He’s not the one for you if you want different things, you’re just incompatible. You want marriage, he doesn’t. Soon is not any timeframe that means anything, and over a year is definitely not soon. You also can’t say you’re his one, because he makes that decision, and has shown you by his lack of action, vague words, and stupid excuse that your moodiness (of all things!) is preventing his proposal that he doesn’t see you as the one for him. 

Read through the waiting boards and see how often women come on here and give the same basic scenario and then come back in 2 years to post an update on the same thing, then 5 years later, then they’re past their fertile age (something to consider if you want children) or have had children with their boyfriend, and the guy still won’t commit!

Post # 10
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee

He doesn’t want to marry you. He came up with a pathetic excuse- because you’re moody sometimes to put it all on you so that you busy yourself trying to jump through hoops to meet his ridiculous criteria (hint: you never will) and to buy himself more time. 

How insulting. 

If he was early to mid twenties I could maybe understand taking your time and being a bit cautious but come on! Five years in and he’s 37???? That excuse just doesn’t fly 

Im sorry but it’s pretty clear he’s wasting your time. The most disgusting part of this all is that he’s trying to make you prove yourself worthy to him as if he’s some prize. 

Give it til your birthday if you must but leave the next day when he doesn’t propose 

Post # 11
Member
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’m so sorry bee. I can tell that you are hurting. Please give yourself the gift of freedom for your birthday. You deserve to be  with someone who shares your values and goals. He may love you, but he doesn’t want the same future you do. 

I’m sorry. Breaking up will hurt, but you will heal and there will be someone who loves you and who commits wholeheartedly to you. 

Post # 12
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

This what he does. He can’t find a new job because he wants requirements that are unrealistic. He can’t commit to marrying you because you get moody. 

Newsflash: he’s a dreamer and time waster.  Cut bait. 

Men like him will spend years not committing for stupid reason after stupid reason. Then he won’t commit to other women because those relationships aren’t like the ones he let go of.

You deserve to be loved better after five years. Don’t let this man occupy your thirties. If you want children, it will gut you to see friends and coworkers date, marry and have children in 2-3 year time spans. If you don’t want children, you’ll resent dragging him through an engagement, a wedding, house buying etc. 

I dated men like this. They are all still single, in some cases, decades later.

Post # 13
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

If you stick around after the deadline you gave him, he’ll know your word is no good. He’ll just continue to drag you along for another 5 years. 

Post # 14
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - California

Ugh, I am sorry Bee but I agree with the other PPs who noted that his excuse that you are sometimes moody (aren’t we all?) is a red flag because after 5 years he knows you, he is 37 so he knows himself, and he knows your relationship. Saying he is hesitant because you are “moody” is ridiculous. I’m sorry I don’t have advice. I hope that I am misreading the situation and that he does propose on your birthday and there are no further discussions of you needing to stop being moody. 

Post # 15
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If you don’t show him you’re serious after your birthday he will never take your wants and needs seriously. 

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