(Closed) How long should I wait?

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
5963 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Talk to your fella babe!  I’m sure if he knew how much it means to you and that it’s literally tearing you apart to wait, he’s going to get on the case right away…men’s priorities don’t always line up with ours, give him a loving and honest clue, he won’t let you down!

Post # 4
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@notpatientlywaiting:  Maybe this is an obvious question, but have you told him how you feel?

To me 9 years is insanely long to go without getting married when you both want to get married.

I’m not even 2 years into my relationship and I’m getting anxious. We discuss marriage/kids openly.

I think you need to have a frank discussion with him about what the hold up is. If he starts saying stuff like ‘I need to save for a ring’ or ‘How are we supposed to pay for a wedding?’ then assure him that it’s the marriage you want, not the bling or the fairytale wedding. Just don’t let him give you a bunch of BS excuses.

I’m really curious to know what his logic is for waiting.

Post # 5
Member
9205 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Hi!  I can relate – I got engaged this summer at age 30, 12 years after we first started dating as teenagers.  We also lived together for a long time and weren’t particularly in a hurry to marry (obviously!).  The only thing I can recommend is really having a talk with him and figuring out if he truly wants to get married at all, if he’s 100% sure he wants to spend his life with you, when he would envision having children, and how long he’d want to be married before that (although sounds like you know the answer to the last one).  And of course, tell him your answers to these questions too.  The key is to be non-accusatory and non-pressuring.  I know how after so long, it can be kind of weird to line all that out and it can be a difficult conversation.  The catch-22 of knowing you want to spend your life with your best friend, yet not lining up perfectly on these really important issues, is tough.  Last, it might help to tell him that you aren’t pressuring and you can adapt to his timeline (if that’s true), but in an ideal world you’d like to be engaged by XXX and married by XXX.  I did that a couple years ago and I think it really stuck in his head as he met the deadline : )  Good luck love.  Don’t let this frustration ruin what is otherwise a great great thing!

Post # 7
Member
9205 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@notpatientlywaiting:  OK.  I can relate – my guy needed to feel like he was at a certain point in his career and life as a man before he was ok with the idea of being a husband (and thus committing to trying for a family down the line).  Try to be understanding and reassure his fears about marriage – point out to him your friends who are married and have normal great relationships, etc… I would also suggest telling him – NICELY, lovingly, etc! – that you are willing to wait for XXX amount of time longer because he is the man of your dreams, but after that, you have to walk away as you are ready for marriage and children and you need someone on the same page…

OK I gotta get back to work! what a slacker.  Good luck xoxox

Post # 8
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

Honestly, you live together, and you have for seven years. What is going to be SO different when you get married? You guys are obviously compatible, or else you wouldn’t be able to function living together for a single year, let alone seven. The way Fiance and I thought about it, he’ll be able to claim me on his taxes and I’ll take his last name. That’s about it for big changes since we’ve lived together for over a year now. 

Post # 9
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have been with my fiance for 3 years and we lived together for 2, he just proposed to me this summer in july. It all depends on the relationship, but you teo seem to practically already be life long partners, honestly I would just talk to him about it. If he understands you enough he will listen and giv his feedback, maybe with all the other weddings taking plac he wants to wait and make it special and not join the chaos of everyone else getting married. We have always talked very openly about each others thoughts towards marrying on an other and it helps, he knew how I felt and I knew how he felt.

I never pushed him or hurried him along into popping the question, but rather openly talked to him about it. Then one day out of my surprise he popped the question out of no where. It wasnt a special holiday, or birthday, it was just an ordinary day.

The only advice I can give you is to talk to him about it, let him know how you feel, dont push him or rush him into it, but gather his feelings as well. If you’re embarrased about talking about it its only going to be longer and longer because he wont know.

Post # 10
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It’s hard when you know you want the same things, but aren’t on the same page time wise. It may be hard, but I would spend some time and think to yourself how long you’d be willing to wait for these things – marriage, kids. It’s not a matter of pressure. You both know you want to get there. It’s coming up with a way to compromise to get there sooner. If you know yourself, you can hopefully express that clearly to him, and find out where you stand.

Sending good thoughts your way.

 

Post # 11
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you have already talked to him and he said he has no doubts and feels he wont be a good husband, explain to him that you guys already have such a strong relationship and have livd together for 7 years now. In some states that legally makes you life long partners.

Living together for that long not much should really change to drastic about living together except you will have his last name and your taxes can be done together.

As far as creating a family thats just another chapter in life, and you guys can share that a nd move through it together. Dont be afraid of change instead make the best out of it.

Post # 12
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@notpatientlywaiting:  I think you should explain to him exactly what you wrote out in your post – how you are actually to the point of emotional pain and tears about this issue and how important it is. It’s seriously affecting your state of mind now and he certainly can’t be okay with you being in this kind of mental distress.

It’s really interesting that you’ve talked about this and he’s said he’s willing to commit, but just hasn’t taken any action. It’s sounds like you’re a really great couple. Maybe he’s just scared that things will change.

If it’s this important to you, I think you should set your foot down and let him know you want to be married. Maybe not give him a deadline, but suggest some dates within a reasonable time frame?

Post # 13
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@notpatientlywaiting:  Have you two discussed a timeline yet? LIke is there a date by when you want to have babies? You can work backwards from there. I waiting 7 years and 4 months for my proposal. We had to have the “shit or get off the pot” discussion MORE than once. Maybe it’s that time…

Post # 16
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

*hugs* Just talk with him. Reassure him that he’ll be a great husband (and a great father one day!).

The topic ‘How long should I wait?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors