(Closed) how long should I wait? advice please.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

I totally get how you feel. If I were you, I would bring it up casually. Ask about what his plans are for the future and when he would like to be married, possibly starting a family, etc. He may not have even thought about a timeline, so maybe you need to bring it to his attention in a non-confrontational way. Good luck! Smile

Post # 4
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If I were you, I would sit him down and have an honest (different from nagging!) conversation about when you would like to be engaged/married, how you each see your futures, etc.  I don’t think you can overestimate the power or importance of a simple heart to heart when it comes to this stuff. Good luck! 

Post # 5
Member
5238 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Well, coming from someone who does not think that the decision to get married is a passive one that entirely depends on “what the guy wants”, I really recommend you sitting down and having an honest talk about what your expectations and desires for the future are. To me that has nothing to do with “inner female instinct” but merely being an adult in a relationship that involves two people.

Trust me, it is refreshing to be in a relationship where you are both communicating your needs, wants, expectations, boundaries and there are not guessing games.

Being honest about what you want is NOT the same as nagging, at all. I also encourage you to ensure this is a two-way conversation where you both listen to each other, and you are open to what HE has to say about it as well.

Post # 6
Member
1155 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I agree with PP. It would be awesome if you were magically on the same page without having to have that conversation, but truth be told, that doesn’t happen much anymore. After 4 years, I think it’s natural to want to set out a plan for your future. Sit down and have a calm discussion about where both of you see your future going. That way, nobody is broad-sided by unspoken feelings later down the road. And it’s much easier to do than you would think. You’ll feel a lot better afterwards!!

Post # 8
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Good plan! Keep us posted ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@rhyspark:  This time of year is always the hardest, soo many people get married and engaged its hard not to think about it.

I agree with petitebee and just have a calm rational talk about things, make sure not to bring up other couples but just the two of you. Let him know you don’t want to get married right away but the commitment of a ring and an offical date (in the coming year or so) would be great! You can even tell him you don’t really care how blingy the ring is, later on you can just get it upgraded, if that’s what you want, so its no pressure financially. 

Best of luck, let us know how it goes! 

 

Post # 11
Member
22 posts
Newbee

Yikes…your story is almost exactly the same as mine. Like seriously, I could’ve written it myself with just switching out a few words. Unfortunately, my bf is starting law school, so I’ll have 3 more years to wait. 

I still struggle with this (especially as soooo many girls I know are engaged/married to guys they didn’t even know when we graduated from college three years ago–and meanwhile, we’ve been together since junior year of college). In fact, just today, another engagement popped up on facebook and I shed a couple tears. I’ve been leaning toward the nagging girlfriend side of things, which I DON’T recommend. I think the key here is—Is he worth the wait? Do you just want to be married? Or do you want to marry HIM?

Of course, it’s also necessary to know whether marriage is where he sees your relationship going before you decide to continue waiting while he’s in school. But, it sounds like you’ve got that assurance. Final note—I tried the whole “I don’t care what the ring is like, we can always change it later” thing (of course, I probably didn’t totally mean that) and his response was “no, you deserve the real thing.” So, 6 years doesn’t sound too shabby compared to my 8! lol

Post # 12
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

We have been dating 6 years iv been waiting almost 2 it really sucks but hopefully it will all be worth it. Everyone has given you good advice I would just say even if you to talk about your plans just don’t get your hopes up its much more heartbreaking when it doesn’t happen when you think it will then knowing you may have a while to waitU

Post # 14
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

@rhyspark:  

congratulations!! That’s a lovely story! I love that even though it seemed unlikely it still happened and now you’re getting married in Dec too!! Hooray!!!

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