Post # 1
Okay, here’s my situation.
I’ve been with my guy 4 years. We’ve both completed our undergrad. I’m in professional school, and he is about to start. He has been working in sales (and doing really well) the past few months to make some extra money before school starts. He won’t be able to work a good job during school so he will be lacking steady income for the next 2 years until he graduates.
I have been hoping for a proposal this summer. We always talk about getting married, having kids, getting a house…etc. And I’m sure one day it will all happen.
But I know my boyfriend very well, and I know that if he doesn’t pop the question this summer…that it will NOT happen until he is out of school in 2 years. He’s very frugal with his money, and I know it’s either buy a ring with the money he’s made recently, or he will wait until he has another stable income in 2 years. I know that he has made WAY more than enough to buy a ring.
I haven’t minded waiting 4 years. I haven’t even thought much about getting engaged until recently. I think it’s good to wait a few years to get engaged…but 6 years??? …knowing that I have to wait AT LEAST 2 more years? I’ve always wanted a longish engagement..1-2 years. I thought we could get engaged now and marry when he finishes school in 2 years. Now, everything is being pushed back 2 years, and it just seems like forever.
I’ve never brought up the subject of engagement, and I never wanted to be the type to ask him about it. I always told myself that when he’s ready he’ll ask, and that was fine with me. But now being faced with knowing I’ll have to wait at least 2 more years without an engagement…my inner female instinct has taken over and feels like that is too long.
We’ll both be close to 30 when he graduates, which is no big deal, but it’s hard to see all of my friends get engaged and married to guys they’ve been with 2-3 years and here I am having to wait 6 years.
What should I do? I need any advice I can get.
Post # 3
I totally get how you feel. If I were you, I would bring it up casually. Ask about what his plans are for the future and when he would like to be married, possibly starting a family, etc. He may not have even thought about a timeline, so maybe you need to bring it to his attention in a non-confrontational way. Good luck!
Post # 4
If I were you, I would sit him down and have an honest (different from nagging!) conversation about when you would like to be engaged/married, how you each see your futures, etc. I don’t think you can overestimate the power or importance of a simple heart to heart when it comes to this stuff. Good luck!
Post # 5
Well, coming from someone who does not think that the decision to get married is a passive one that entirely depends on “what the guy wants”, I really recommend you sitting down and having an honest talk about what your expectations and desires for the future are. To me that has nothing to do with “inner female instinct” but merely being an adult in a relationship that involves two people.
Trust me, it is refreshing to be in a relationship where you are both communicating your needs, wants, expectations, boundaries and there are not guessing games.
Being honest about what you want is NOT the same as nagging, at all. I also encourage you to ensure this is a two-way conversation where you both listen to each other, and you are open to what HE has to say about it as well.
Post # 6
I agree with PP. It would be awesome if you were magically on the same page without having to have that conversation, but truth be told, that doesn’t happen much anymore. After 4 years, I think it’s natural to want to set out a plan for your future. Sit down and have a calm discussion about where both of you see your future going. That way, nobody is broad-sided by unspoken feelings later down the road. And it’s much easier to do than you would think. You’ll feel a lot better afterwards!!
Post # 7
Thank you guys! This is my first post on here, and I appreciate you guys being so helpful.
I have seen girls literally nag their boyfriends into marrying them, and I never wanted to turn into one of those girlfriends…so I’ve always just kept quiet about it.
But I totally agree with you, being honest is not the same as nagging! I’ve been too worried about being the nagging girlfriend to see that. I appreciate your insight and now I feel like I can talk about this without feeling guilty. Thank you!
I’ll try talking about this soon. Maybe ask where he sees us in the next couple of years? We’ll see how it goes!
Post # 8
Good plan! Keep us posted 🙂
Post # 9
Post # 10
@rhyspark: This time of year is always the hardest, soo many people get married and engaged its hard not to think about it.
I agree with petitebee and just have a calm rational talk about things, make sure not to bring up other couples but just the two of you. Let him know you don’t want to get married right away but the commitment of a ring and an offical date (in the coming year or so) would be great! You can even tell him you don’t really care how blingy the ring is, later on you can just get it upgraded, if that’s what you want, so its no pressure financially.
Best of luck, let us know how it goes!
Post # 11
Yikes…your story is almost exactly the same as mine. Like seriously, I could’ve written it myself with just switching out a few words. Unfortunately, my bf is starting law school, so I’ll have 3 more years to wait.
I still struggle with this (especially as soooo many girls I know are engaged/married to guys they didn’t even know when we graduated from college three years ago–and meanwhile, we’ve been together since junior year of college). In fact, just today, another engagement popped up on facebook and I shed a couple tears. I’ve been leaning toward the nagging girlfriend side of things, which I DON’T recommend. I think the key here is—Is he worth the wait? Do you just want to be married? Or do you want to marry HIM?
Of course, it’s also necessary to know whether marriage is where he sees your relationship going before you decide to continue waiting while he’s in school. But, it sounds like you’ve got that assurance. Final note—I tried the whole “I don’t care what the ring is like, we can always change it later” thing (of course, I probably didn’t totally mean that) and his response was “no, you deserve the real thing.” So, 6 years doesn’t sound too shabby compared to my 8! lol
Post # 12
We have been dating 6 years iv been waiting almost 2 it really sucks but hopefully it will all be worth it. Everyone has given you good advice I would just say even if you to talk about your plans just don’t get your hopes up its much more heartbreaking when it doesn’t happen when you think it will then knowing you may have a while to waitU
Post # 13
Wow I haven’t been on here in forever! Status update: We are engaged!!!
I ended up not even having to bring up the subject. He started dropping a few hints over the summer, and then he popped the question in July! I guess we were already on the same page when I posted this 🙂 We’re getting married in December, and I can’t wait!
Thank you guys SO much for all your helpful advice. I guess I should get on here more often now that I’m wedding planning!
Post # 14
congratulations!! That’s a lovely story! I love that even though it seemed unlikely it still happened and now you’re getting married in Dec too!! Hooray!!!