(Closed) his brother is popping the question…how long should we wait to get engaged?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

you can’t base your life off of someone else’s timeline. just make sure there’s a month or two between your weddings, but why would she care if you get married first? she’ll get over it.

Post # 4
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You have zero obligation to schedule your love, engagement, and marriage around other people.  This is the rest of your life!!  Don’t worry about anyone else, even family in this aspect.

Post # 5
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

i think given that you know it’s going to happen, i think the good friend thing to do would be to let them have their moment, esp if you have inside info that it’s coming around soon (w/in reason). and i don’t think you have to wait too much after they get engaged though – some friends of ours got engaged end of oct last year, FH’s best friend got engaged about a week/week and a half later, and we got engaged the beg of Jan of this year (2 mos after his best friend). i was totally in your friend’s shoes and it killed me that it seemed like the whole world was talking about or getting engaged, and FH said/did nothing. i’m glad she was honest with you about it, and it’s kind of you to respect her boundaries in talking about it. these things have a funny way of working themselves out, but if you’re happy and sure about your impending engagement, i think it’s cool to sit on it for as long as you’re ok with it. plus nothing makes a family more excited when two weddings are happening! just make sure they aren’t on the same day 😉

Post # 6
Member
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Cedar Lake Cellars

It’s your life and your wedding.  Do what you think is right.

She may come around when she realizes how fun it could be to plan your weddings together too.  Some brides feel that no one cares during the planning process.  You two can share this!

Post # 7
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know you’re not going to want to hear this but getting engaged after only six months is madness.  You barely know each other and certainly not enough to make a lifelong commitment to one another.  Date at least a year or two before even considering getting engaged. 

Post # 8
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just because someone has their moment first, doesn’t mean it’s any better or more exciting.  I think waiting on their timeline is absolutely ridiculous, and she’s being petty.  What’s going to end up happening is she’s going to ruin YOUR engagement by stomping her feet like a 2 year old!  Engagement is 1 thing… but just be respectful of each others’ weddings for the families’ sake.

Post # 9
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know you’re not going to want to hear this but getting engaged after only six months is madness.  You barely know each other and certainly not enough to make a lifelong commitment to one another.  Date at least a year or two before even considering getting engaged. 

Post # 10
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

1) you can’t set your life by her timeline or emotion. 

2) If you’re going to end up engaged/married around the same time, honestly it might be WAY easier if you get engaged first. Because if you get engaged first you get to be the one who doesn’t care that she “stole your thunder” by getting engaged soon after and doesn’t care whether she gets married before or after depending on whatever happens. If she gets engaged first then she is definitely going to be upset about you stealing her thunder (from what you’ve said… prob no matter when you get engaged) and if you get married first… watch out. 

Post # 11
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@kitzy: I totally agree. If my sibling had gotten engaged the same day I had, I would have been overjoyed for both of us.

Post # 12
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

i actually went through this exact same thing. my older brother proposed to his girlfriend on christmas eve 2009, my boyfriend proposed to me on april 11 2010. my brother’s fiance did not appreciate this! she was worried that my family would put all their attention and effort into my wedding, rather than her and my brother’s wedding. she was very concerned, and things kind of got awkward.

on the other end of things, my fiance’s brother has been dating his girlfriend for 5 years. she is a couple years older than me, and was devastated that i was the one getting engaged and not her. she felt it was an injustice. i am younger than her, and have been dating my man for less time than her.

i guess the point of this is that i understand what you are going through. i have gone through it and experienced it in 2 different ways. but the moral of the story is that you just have to live your life. people are always going to have a problem with what you are doing or the way you are doing it. you just have to move on. what matters is that you are happy!

so, be happy. you are spending the rest of your life with your man, not with your friends. he is your family now. good luck!

Post # 13
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@lisa105:you don’t know other peoples’ situations. just because you weren’t ready to get married after 6 months doesn’t mean no one else is.

Post # 15
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@kitzy:  In My Humble Opinion (and yes, I realize this is just my opinion) “feeling” you are ready to get married doesn’t mean you are.  Good, mature decisions are typically not made on emotion alone – you also have to use your head.  Six months is just not enough time to get to know someone let alone make what is supposed to be a life long commitment to them.  What’s the rush? 

Post # 16
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@lisa105:i WHOLEHEARTEDLY disagree, but that’s my opinion. deciding to get married is a very personal thing, and you can’t make blanket comments about everyone.

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