Post # 1
Being a member of these boards I have read stories about couples who have married after only one year of dating to couples who have married after 10 years of dating so I get its a very individual thing. However, I was curious if there was a societal standard of the amount of time you should be dating before marriage. I believe I read a study were it said most couples are married after they had been dating 25 months? (I think it was on the e-harmony site).
So I was curious, what do you think is the right amount of time for couples to be dating before marriage? How long did you date your SO before marrying them? Did you think you waited too long/not long enough? If so, why?
Post # 2
5 months until we got engaged and just over a year when we actually married. Never thought I’d move that quickly until I met him and it was the right thing for us. Almost 5 years and two children on now and still happier than I thought possible.
Post # 3
Hemnes : that’s good! I’m so happy to hear that. I am of the mindset that if a relationship takes 5+ years to progress it’s not working. I also don’t think things such as finances should get in the way of marriage after all money will always be an issue. But that is just my mind set and I am aware that to some my POV might come across as controversial. But I am really glad you found happiness and it progressed so quickly 🙂
Post # 4
churrosandroses : I’ve been engaged twice. Both times the engagement came within 2 years of dating. Both felt like a natural progression. The first time was right around 18 months and the second time was at 22 months. The first one ended for many reasons, but after the engagement there wasn’t any type of planning or preparing for the future. The second time we got married 6 months later in a purely legal ceremony, we’ll have our big ceremony just before we’ve been together for 3 years. When we were talking about getting engaged I asked for 18 months to plan the wedding as it’s going to be a pretty large affair and I didn’t want to get stretched too thin or stressed. So I definately would want to getting married within 1-2 years of dating, but I think getting engaged in that timeframe is appropriate.
Post # 5
I think it depends on the ages of the couple.
I am 32 now and would not be surprised if friends of mine got married after 1 -2 years of dating. However, I met my husband when we were 19. We dated for 8 years before getting married (moved in together after 4 years) For us we needed to finish university and then get settled in our lives before we got married.
Post # 6
7 years for me but we met at 19 and 21. Both have gained two degrees, we have travelled half the world together and really changed a lot/grown up together. It was a perfect amount of time for us. However If I was currently single and only met someone now, I would not be waiting around more than 2-3 years to get engaged. Baby fever!
Post # 7
churrosandroses : Obviously answers will vary here but for me personally, at least 3 years and 5 years is even better. I’m aware that people can change through time but the longer the better.
Post # 8
Twizbe : fran01 : yes I totally agree with the whole age thing. I mean when your dating at 18 it is only common sense to wait a couple of more years to grow before getting married. I also understand a lot of people like to get degrees and be financially stable first but I always kind of wondered what was it about marriage that made is harder for them to get a degree? Like you can still study when you are married (well in my country and culture you can – I’m not sure how other counties and cultures differ). Also, I never understood wanting to be financially stable. Perhaps when you are 18. But if you are 30 or something I would assume you are as financially stable as you are ever going to be. It’s different for everyone but those are always questions I have wondered.
Post # 9
I see what you are saying. We could have married at 22 when we graduated, but we weren’t ready then. We were not mature enough. It took us both a while to get started on our careers after uni and that meant both of us returning home (he in London and me in Cambridge)
I think meeting young is not a barrier to marriage, but for us it just wasn’t right and it is hard to put into words what that means.
TBH we are not the fastest of movers, we got together in a matter of days of meeting but then it was 8 years before marriage and 13 years before I got pregnant with our first child…..
Post # 10
churrosandroses : This is a really interesting post and of course there is no right or wrong answer. I am nearly 32 and my partner is 38 and I think our relationship is going to progress quicker than either of us though and I think our ages are a factor. Funnily enough a lot of my friends expect us to move on with or relationship quicker because of it and have acknowledged that of course we wouldn’t take as long as they did (as the majority of them met their partners in high school and were together a decade before marrying).
Post # 11
I don’t think there is a right amount of time. There are so many variables and it’s so personal.
Darling Husband and I dated for 3.5 years before getting married (Moved in together after about a year, engaged after 2 years, and married 1.5 years later). We had a long engagement, but it wasn’t necessary (we only did it for timing for the actual wedding).
Post # 12
There are so many factors. We got engaged 4 months ago at the 2 year mark, 2 weeks shy of my 32nd birthday. He’s nearly 38. However, we were talking marriage just a few months in. It was completely different in my early 20s, simply because no matter who I was with or how much I loved them, I wasn’t ready to get married. But when you’re a little older and you’re a bit more experienced at throwing out the weeds, have worked out exactly what you want and are brave enough to say it, I think by about 6 months you should be thinking long-term, and you can be settling down by a year or sooner.
Of course I wouldn’t recommend anyone move too quickly, realistically no matter how hard you fall in the beginning, you still need time to actually get to know each other. An ex of mine proposed to his girlfriend only a week after meeting her. They married about 2 months later. Their married ended quite quickly.
Post # 13
I don’t think there is a right time, for me it depends on age, where you were both “were” in life when you met, how your relationship developed, and so on. I dated and even lived with one man for years but still think getting married to him would have been “too soon” (and ultimately the wrong thing to do) as it would have been purely due to “well, its the next step” or “it’s time” rather than “we are ready”.
I was 29 when I met my husband, who was 34. We met via eHarmony, interestingly enough. Right from the start we were “real” with each other – open, honest, vulnerable. No games or guesswork. We bonded quite early on and based on our life and relationship experiences, we felt this was something special we wanted to nurture. By time we met we also had done a lot of “personal work” – i.e. therapy and felt quite emotionally open and aware to each other and in a good place to have a healthy lifetime commitment. Actually being married was not that important to *me* to be honest with you. We moved across country and in together at five months, engaged at one year, and married two and a half months after that. We were at that point 30 and 35. We have been married seven years, and we are very happy in our life together. No regrets. But that timeline would have been disastrous in my prior relationships!
Post # 14
My Fiance and I will be celebrating two years together this month. We have been engaged since October, and we will marry in April. Age has been a huge factor is this timeline. I’m 33, and he is 32. I think if we were younger I’d have wanted to wait a bit longer. Truthfully, I never even wanted marriage until I met him.
Post # 15
It’s all subjective. We got engaged a few weeks shy of our one year anniversary. It didn’t feel rushed, to either of us, or our friends and family. Met when I was 27, and he was 34. I think it worked because we had accomplished a nummber of our goals as individuals? For example, we each finished our schooling. Moved for jobs. Worked to further our careers. Both of us lived alone. He lived internationally. Traveled. So I think when we met we both felt ready to share our life with another person. So, for us, it was very much meeting the right person and the perfect time.
It’s funny the 25 month mark was mentioned because thinking about it now, we will be getting married exactly at 25 months.