Post # 46
It’s really personal obviously. I’m older and it took us 2 years to get engaged (3 to get married), which seemed like forever for me given my age, but he’s convinced we moved really fast. I know people who took almost a decade and people who got married within weeks/months of meeting and have been married for 20 years.
Post # 47
We will be dating for 6 years by the time we get married. We met when I was 22 and he was 24, dated for 4.5 years before getting engaged. Then we had a 1.5 year engagement. When we get married this June I will be 28 and him 29.
Post # 48
Unless I was young, I think 2 years or more of dating without a ring would be too much and I would probably check out. Again, if I were still in my early or mid 20’s when we met that might be different. I read a study once that says that couples who get married before dating for at least a year have higher divorce rates than those that date longer. But not necessarily the longer the better because couples who are still not married after 3 years of dating also have a higher divorce rate than those that were married after 1 year of dating and before the 3 year mark and the divorce rate goes up again if they have been together 5 years or longer before getting married. I wonder why that might be.
Post # 49
churrosandroses : I always thought it would be a few years for me, but I married my husband eleven months after we started dating. He was in a 7 year relationship before me, and never considered marriage with her. He bought the ring within three months of our first date, since he “just knew”.
It felt so natural, I couldn’t imagine it taking any longer than what it was. But I realize I may be an exception, most of my friends were engaged within a year and a half, and married by three years.
Post # 50
I think it works out differently for everyone, I m a big believer that you should live with the person before you re married. Otherwise I wouldn’t say a particular amount of time is necessary for it to be a successful marriage just that you work well together as a couple especially when it comes to communicating and solving any problems between you.
We’ll be 22 and 26 when we get married just before our 4th anniversary after 3.5 years of living together, which for us feels right but might not be for others.
Post # 51
Age has a HUGE bearing on this IMO. Fiance and I met at 17 and even though we were madly in love and knew we wanted to be together, I wasn’t going to be teen bride! 100% not ready yet.
We dated for 8 years before getting engaged but were still ‘young’ by society’s standards – 25.
BUT if I had met my Fiance even 2 years ago I’d be wanting a ring. I want a couple kids before 30 so that changes timelines a bit. By your mid-20s you’re also more mature, financially secure etc so less excuses not to get married or at least know the direction a relationship is headed in by at least a year or two.
We’re getting married in just under 3 months and will be 26. 9 years together, a home together, college degrees, careers set up, some travel under our belts. We’re just ready now.
Post # 52
We got engaged on our 2 year anniversary and got married 10 months later. We were friends for 2-3 years before starting to date so I did know my husband a bit longer. Perfect timing for us! I was 24 and he was 28 when we got engaged.
Post # 53
It depends on age and the experiences both adults have had. Fi and I started dating when I was 17, about 6 months after we first met. Had he proposed a year into our relationship, it would have felt too soon. At 18, I still had a lot to learn about myself and about us as a couple.
Post # 54
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
churrosandroses : Regarding the issue of studying and/or financially stable. If you’re married, it limits where you can attend college or graduate school. Say you got into your dream school, but you can’t go because you’re stuck wherever your partner has a job geographically. Or, you might not even ever think about applying to a great school because you’re currently married in Town X in the middle of nowhere and so you might end up getting a sub-par education? A degree which you might be forking down a lot of time and money for, and will probably only happen once in your life.
Financially stable – getting married is not necessarily a financial issue. But everything associated with marriage (ie house, kids, joint bank accounts, other family, actual furniture, a sense of responsibility for providing, etc.) comes with it.
Post # 55
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
And now to answer the actual question: I think it’s a spectrum:
If you live together already, maybe <1 year. If you live nearby <2 years. If you are long distance <3 years.
Post # 56
Thank you guys so much for commenting and answering my questions. I found this super insightful and interesting to read!
I have a little bit to add from personal experience. I am very young (21) however while a lot of you said at that age you were happy to just have fun and casually date and weren’t looking for marriage I differ a lot as I already have a child. So the commitment of marriage is very important to me as I have a child to think about and I don’t want men hanging around in my life and his for 5+ years and then running off when they get bored. For me, I have to approach the subject with a very level mindset and look at marriage potential very seriously. I would be okay if I never got married but with that said I would only ever be casually dating as I don’t want to bring a man into my son’s life unless he is willing to fully commit. So really I would include its not so much about age but more about life circumstances.
This was really good to read. I’m glad I made this post and I’m thankful you all shared your thoughts and opinions 🙂
Post # 57
As people have said, I think it varies, and what I’ve seen it vary by the most is what stage of life people are in when they meet “the one.”
For instance, one of my good friends has been with her boyfriend for nearly 8 years, but they started dating in college. They just recently got their own apartment and have started talking about getting engaged. Another friend of mine met her fiancé when she was 23. They got engaged last summer after 4 years of dating. I started dating my fiancé when I was 26 (turning 27), and we got engaged after 5 months.
We’re all getting engaged (or seriously talking about it) around the same age and life stage, but because of when we met our guys, we all have very different dating timelines.
Post # 58
I don’t think it needs to matter. Each couple is unique. Darling Husband and I were together for 6 years (and knew each other for 14) before getting married. My parents got engaged within 2 months of meeting (and just celebrated 40 years), and my Brother-In-Law and SIL were married within 6 months of dating. Not everything in life needs rules.