(Closed) How long should you wait for a proposal?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Communication is key. Keep talks of marriage on the relaxed side, don’t turn things into a debate. Because as much as you feel ready, you cannot shoehorn him into a proposal. You have 3 options.

1) wait it out until your man feels ready. Me and my Fiance were together 7 years before he popped the question (I’m 29 now). Fiance was clear that he wanted to get his “ducks in a row” before moving forward and I was prepared to wait.

2) you take the initiative and propose to him. It depends how traditional you man is, my Fiance wanted to do the whole down on one knee proposal, so I didn’t want to take that away from him, another reason I waited it out.

3) move on. If the relationship isn’t moving at a pace that you are comfortable with. Talk to him about it and tell him that you are not happy. This will either spur him on, or make it clear that you are not suited.

These options depend a lot on each personality, and your chemistry as a couple. Start with open talks and see if you can get to the root or the reason why he is stalling.

Post # 3
Member
3450 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

You two are not on the same page. He said he doesn’t think he’ll be ready for 5-6  years and he’s probably being honest about that. If that is too long for you, you need to reconsider the relationship. It’s possible he may magically move his “ready” timeline up by several years, but I wouldn’t bank on it. Neither of you are wrong in your positions, you’re just not in the same position.

Also, you should never have to argue with someone to get them to say they love you. That is something that needs to come naturally to both people. My Fiance told me he loved me more than once and months before I felt comfortable saying it back to him, and he never once pressured me to say it before I was ready to. When I was ready I said it, and I meant it.

Post # 4
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee

There are some similarities here between my Fiance and me. But also some key major differences: he also took a year to say he loved me, but also always communicated with me that he wanted to say it when he knew he truly meant it. I was the one to bring up living together, which he wanted to think about first, but when he did, he was very excited to after deciding it was definitely what he wanted. He never spoke about marrying me (or not marrying me) but always said he knew I was in his future. He proposed at 2.5 years, he just wanted to surprise me. 

So at times with my Fiance I had wondered whether I had a complete commitmentphobe on my hands, but I never really did, just someone who liked to think things through methodically. 

I can’t know your entire relationships ins and outs but there isn’t much encouraging in your post that your SO wants to commit to you. 

Post # 5
Member
863 posts
Busy bee

smudgie :  I second what Smudgie said. I was with my fiancee for 6 years before we got engaged. Same thing–he wanted to have his ducks in a row first–he had a job, but didn’t have his dream career. When he landed that, he proposed three months later (during Christmas-time because it’s my favorite). Honestly though, he was kind of oblivious to the fact that I wanted to get engaged for a while. I was getting anxious, but I knew he was the one I wanted to spend my life with, so breaking up or that ultimatum nonsense wasn’t even in my mind. That’s not how you want to start a marriage.

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