- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2016 - Backyard
Fellow waiting bees,
I’ve done a lot of research on dating, engagement, marriage, etc. As far as “waiting” goes this is what numerous secular research articles/studies have shown (none of this is my opinion so please don’t see me as attacking anyone). lol
1. No matter what your age (i.e. 25 or 40) you should date your partner for a minumum of 18 months before getting engaged. This gives you enough time to know the person’s true personality, habits, lifestyle, etc. If you become engaged/married sooner, you might miss some essential information about your partner.
2. Dating for 18 months to three years is normal and healthy. We should try to be patient and enjoy the relationship during this time. Two years of dating is recommended for people who are in their thirties/forties and otherwise established in their careers and life. For those in their late twenties or still working on career/school, three years of dating is recommended. For those under 25, it is recommended that you just enjoy dating even if it’s for a longer period. Typically marriage/engagement isn’t recommended for those under 25 as statistics aren’t on your side. The average first time marriage age is 27 for woomen and 29 for men.
3. For those in their late 20’s and older who are well established in careers and such, waiting over three years to engaged isn’t encouraged. This is because after 3 years of dating there is no new information your partner needs to learn about you. They are familiar with your personality, habits, and lifestyle.
4. Living together before engagement/marriage is not recommended from a secular standpoint. This is because people’s criteria for living with someone is different from marrying someone. Your standards for marrying someone are typically higher. However, once you live together you tend to gather things together (i.e. furniture, pets, etc.) This leads to it being easier, safer, and more comfortable just staying in a relationship even if it isn’t right for you. In addition, it builds resentment. Women tend to wait under next holiday, special day, etc. for a ring and become disappointed when it doesn’t occur. The research states it is only recommended that you live together if you are engaged and your wedding date is 3 months or less away.
5. The recommended engagement length is about six months.
Anyway, this is the information that I have found. You can take it or leave it. Also I’m interested in hearing your thoughts/opinions. Overall, I think the advice sounds about right especially being a mental health professional and teaching dating/marriage classes for a living. We shouldn’t live by a book so to speak but marriage is huge in terms of emotions, energy, time, money, and other life decisions (i.e. kiddos). It can be our greatest asset or biggest liability.