(Closed) How long shud the engagement period be?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York

here’s a post we wrote on that recently:

http://www.weddingbee.com/2007/10/18/ideal-engagement-period/

We did it in 6 months, but we got married off season (march) so we didn’t have to compete for vendors.  Still I wouldn’t want to have an engagement that much longer than 9 months. 

Good luck! 

Post # 4
Member
5 posts
Newbee

My engagement is over 2 years (27 months). We didn’t plan for it. My SO got my ring earlier than he planned and decided an upcoming special date would be a perfect time to propose so he ran with it. The long engagement does make me feel a bit impotent but you have extra time to do your research which can be very helpful especially if you are on a budget.

 We started looking at venues 8 months after the proposal which meant I had plenty of time to contact them (push up your wedding date when you do this) and find out about their pricing and any other information. That way your list of venues to visit isn’t as daunting. Also, sometimes it’s better to book your venue over a year in advance (at least in southern California it is) especially if you are going for a popular date and place. We booked our venue Sunday of Memorial Day weekend. The catering manager said that we were pretty smart doing it so early because the Sundays of Memorial and Labor Day weekends go quickly.

Post # 5
Member
17 posts
Newbee

My Fiance and I have been engaged since July of 2004, and we’re not getting married until October of next year.  Yes, it’s been a very long engagement already, but we don’t have much choice.  We were together for about 2.5 years when we got engaged, but we were still in college and had to put that first.  Then we went to Europe for awhile, moved to a new city, had to start our careers, etc.  The biggest hurdle though is that fact that we have to pay for 100% of the wedding ourselves because my parents aren’t able to help (which is perfectly fine, but it’s taken us a long time to save up enough money to pay for everything). 

I don’t believe you can put a time limit on that sort of thing because each couple’s situation is unique.  Some people are very lucky in that their parents are paying so they can get married ASAP if they want to.  it just isn’t an option for us.  We considered going to the courthouse first and then having the actual wedding later, but it just wouldn’t feel right to me.  But I’ve been gathering ideas for our wedding for years… haha.  As far as how soon you should start planning and booking vendors, I think that all depends on where you live.  In you live in a big city, there’s a good chance that popular reception sites might book up a year or more in advance.  I wouldn’t start putting down deposits until the one year mark though, if you can wait, just because things can happen and you guys might change your mind on certain things.   

Post # 6
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

we are going to have about 15 months between engagement and wedding, but that’s because the Fiance has one more year of law school left, and then the bar, so i wanted to have all those distractions gone before we got married and all we had to worry about was the wedding.

if you want to get married on a popular weekend, if you are comfortable, go ahead and book the venue if you love the place.  otherwise, i would just look and think about places you like, things you want, and not do too much intensive planning yet, since prices and things can change significantly in just one year.

Post # 7
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

My fiance and I had talked about marriage a lot, but his mom always wanted us to wait until after grad school.  So when he proposed to me in August of 2006, I was quite surprised because we still had another year of undergrad.  We were planning on waiting a couple years before we got married, but upon more discussion it was decided that there wasn’t really any reason to wait.

So over this past summer we picked a venue and put down a deposit.  However, with all the moving, him starting grad school, me starting a new job, we hadn’t done too much else.  So this coming weekend we are meeting with the lady at our venue so I’ll finally have more info so I can actually start planning stuff.
So by the time we get married it will have been a two year engagement, but no wedding planning really happened until a year before.

Post # 8
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

We will have been engaged for about 11 months. He proposed Sept. 19 and we’re getting married Aug. 1, 2008. We’re both in collegiate athletics so we had two dates to get married or we had to wait until 2009, which neither of us wanted.

We’re lucky in that both of us are older (I’m 28, he’s going to be 34) so we have some money saved up, and both of our parents are helping. We just didn’t want to wait that long to be officially together, but I can understand the financial situation of wanting to have a long engagement. I just think of mine as the time I was single and saving money for the perfect guy I never thought I’d meet! 

Post # 10
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2007

We have been planning our wedding since May and just got officially engaged a little over a week ago.  The wedding is in 11 days!!  So, it really just depends–what works for one couple won’t for someone else 🙂 

Post # 11
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

Our engagement is going to be just about 2 years when it’s all said and done.  We started to really get into planning about a year before our date.  It’s kind of nice to have time – I was researching the first year and really narrowing down what we liked and didn’t like.  So just have fun with it and this way you won’t feel rushed.

Post # 12
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2007

Our engagement was 3 WEEKS!  We were able to plan a small, intimate and perfectly perfect ceremony and reception.  If we could do it again, I would still go with a short-ish engagement. 

We were extremely focused on the things that we wanted and liked.  No second-guessing, changing our minds a dozen times.  We really got very good at gut reactions.  I think that if engagement are too long one can get too obsessed with all the the thousands of options available.  My best girl friend was engaged for 2 years and went through 17 wedding dress options, 4 cake designs, 5 themes and a millions different color schemes.  It was a nightmare!  Maybe that is why me and hubby decided to do a planned elopement. 

Post # 13
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2008

It all depends on the couple.  Do what is best for the both of you and remember to have fun!  

We got engaged 6 months ago and the wedding is in 4 months.  We didn’t start any of the planning until about a month ago, but luckily it is a very small, intimate, casual wedding and currently most of the work is alreay done!

Post # 14
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

i’ll be engaged 11 months by the time we get married. but then again we dated for 8 years before getting engaged (high school sweethearts)…and my parents are paying for everything. i think btwn 9-12 months is a good enough time to be engaged.

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