(Closed) How long to give unsupportive family to come around?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I don’t know what you mean by “plan them out,” but go ahead and plan your wedding. Send them an invitation. Whether they come or not is completely up to them (just like any other guest).

Post # 5
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think that if they really felt that strongly about your relationship and your marriage, they wouldn’t show up anyway. If they did, they are obligated to shut their faces.

Post # 6
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

You’ve only been engaged for a minute and you want to write them off already? Impatient?!

If the date you’ve posted as your wedding date is true, you have years for everyone to get on board. Give it time, since you have plenty of it!

Post # 8
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

not sure if you really want to burn those bridges over an engagement.

Post # 10
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Sorry to tell you but I don’t think that they will ever going to “come around” If they haven’t made any attempt at this point then they won’t have any interest in the future either.

My SIL is an all around miserable person.  And when the world isn’t revolving around her she is just that much more unpleasant to be around.  When Darling Husband, myself, and his family including his sister flew across the country to go to their cousins wedding she was in such a miserable mood the entire time.  Luckily she had almost 200 guests at her wedding so nobody really noticed except us.  However, we were having a very small wedding so we knew that if she was being her normal bitchy miserable self that it would affect the mood of the whole wedding and reception.

So the Darling Husband and I came to an agreement.  We would invite her to the wedding.  However, if she was doing anything that would bring the mood down.  Like if she was being obviously moody and being rude and making the other guest feel really uncomfortable then she would be asked to leave.  Darling Husband discussed these conditions with his mother and she passed the message along to his sister so she was fully aware what would be unacceptable behaviour at our wedding.

It is completely up to you what you decide to do. If I knew you personally then I would not hold it against you on why you didn’t invite them.  But if you don’t then you will have to deal with the consequences.  But if you do decide to invite them out of the kindness of your heart then I think that you should do so with ground rules especially since you are having a small wedding.

Post # 12
Member
4333 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Don’t “give them time” if you don’t think they’ll come around – you’re just telling them that they’re opinions on your Fiance and marriage in general can control your life.  They’ll either get used to it or not while your planning – go with the timeframe that works best for you and your Fiance instead of waiting on your mother and sis to get used to the idea.

Post # 13
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

Since no one can predict the future and how they may feel, only you know them best and have to decide how long you might want to wait.

Dating someone and actually planning a wedding are completely different things. While dating, your Mom may have thought you’d eventually break up, so she didn’t do much to accept the relationship. Getting married changes everything, so now that she sees he will be a real part of your family, and if she doesn’t accept him now, in the process of that she will lose you. Are you sure she isn’t just taking some time to absorb it all and is deciding how to proceed from here?

Post # 15
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@brownmed:  I have to say that in the meantime I think that you should plan the wedding that you want.  Like pick out the date that you actually want to get married (as you previously stated that you might get married sooner if your mom either came around or if you decided not to include her).  It is not like you have to send out the invitations right away.  So even if you planned the wedding for 1 years time then your mother still has at least 6 months to decide if she is going to accept your relationship.  But I wouldn’t recommend holding off all wedding planning in hopes that your mother will come around. 

Post # 16
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@brownmed:  Just start planning and assume they will be guests if not active participants.  If they want to get involved then they will say or do something to let you know they want to be involved.  Go the high road here and make sure to invite them and let them be the ones to refuse your invitation.  They might surprise you by showing up.  If not, they can never hold it over your head that you didn’t invite them to your wedding.

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