(Closed) How Long To Wait For A Proposal?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Have you ever sat down and talked to him about marriage in general? You don’t have to be accusatory or demand a timeline, but just asking what his thoughts are and if he can see a future with you. If you don’t have the conversation, he isn’t going to be able to read your mind and know you want an engagement this instant.

Post # 4
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Who can really say “how long” ? I waited a whole 7months to get engaged but my older sister waited 10years and my other sister waited 1 yr. So, it’s the individual couple and what each of you wants that would be able to answer that question….

Post # 5
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Why do you assume the conversation will involve conflict?

And it doesn’t have to be a long, drawn out thing, either.  What’s important is that you communicate to him – without equivocating – that marriage is important to you and you’d like a clear understanding of when and how he sees things moving forward.

 

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Well, if you haven’t brought it up to him, he’s not going to know that you want to know his timeline or if he’s thinking about it! Letting him know that YOU’RE thinking about it is a start. Marriage is all about communication…if you can’t communicate with him that you would love to marry him, and it be sometime in the near future, he’s not going to be able to guess that’s what you want!

Post # 8
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

What’s keeping you from just asking him straight out?

Post # 9
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with PP.  Communication is key.  Ask him when he is thinking would be a good time to get married, and let him when you would like to be married.  Hopefully your ideas will line up.  If not, you should be able to figure out a compromise.

Post # 10
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think what you said about not wanting a proposal this instant, but just wanting to know if he has a timeline is a great way to open a conversation with him.  If you have kids around and getting time alone before going to bed is tough, see if you can have the older ones watch your youngest and ask your SO to take a walk with you just to talk..  I know talking about marraige is a hard conversation, but you’re not trying to push him or force him, you;re just trying to have an honest heartfelt conversation.  If it helps make a list (for yourself) of things you would like to get out of the conversation. If it really is just the timeline, bring that up.  If there are other things, try to visualise how you could bring all issues/topics into one conversation.  I say, get him alone and just talk.  Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well, this is coming from someone who waited more than 5 years before getting engaged but I don’t think that you should push it. While 2 years may seem like a long time to some, it’s really not. He’s already said that he plans to marry you so obviously he’s thinking about it. Just let it happen when it happens. Who knows, maybe he already has something in the works.

Most men don’t like to be pressured. I’m not saying that you’re pressuring him now but if you keep bringing it up he may feel a little uneasy about the whole situation. I see no problem with discussing a timeline but I would leave it at that.

There really is no cut and dry answer to your question. Like I said above, I waited 5 years and that was right for us. We have friends who waited 6 months and that worked for them. It really just depends on the couple. 

Post # 12
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MarryMeTiffany:Marriage is important to me and I’m not going to keep shacking up without that commitment.

Tell him that, tell him exactly how you feel. Then once you have your talk about it try not to bring it up again, it puts more pressure on him if you are constantly bringing it up. Believe me I know it is hard not to, but it will be beneficial to you.

As per how long you should wait, the only person that can answer that question for you is you.

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