(Closed) How long until he proposes?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It seems like you’re on a different page than him. I guess you need to ask yourself how long are you willing to wait, can you be satisfied to live each day and not think about a future and if in 2 years he’s still not ready will you walk away.

For me a year is plenty long to know if you want to marry someone especially if you live with them. Usually the first 3-6 months a couple is at their best but when your cohabitating there’s no hiding anything. Do you feel comfortable talking about a timeline?

Post # 4
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@becca793:  You’ve got a terminal bachelor on your hands honey, and he is content to play house with you until the cows come home, but try to take it any farther than that and suddenly it’s all about being sure and knowing someone…he didn’t seem to concerned about that when you moved in after four months, how did he know you weren’t a psycho?….and it’s completely irrelevant since the only thing that would be different if you did get married is the fact that you could file your taxes jointly….I don’t like pushing people around and ultimatums are a bad tack to take…I guess if you really love this guy you’ll just have to be content to go at his pace…if not, might be time to cut bait.

Post # 5
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Nona99:  Agreed. 

OP, generally men at that age know in a hurry whether a girl they’re seeing is the one.  You’ve given all the things that aren’t holding him back (money and the like.) That means the only thing holding him back…is him. 

I absolutely would not uproot my life without more of a commitment from this man, if a commitment is your ultimate goal. If you would be happy being lifetime girlfriend to this man, then consider following your heart, but do so without any expectations. 

Post # 8
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

Big, huge, giant hugs! I will be in your shoes soon, though in a slightly different situation – going from an LDR and summers together to being broken up since he can’t commit though we’ve been dating for longer. I wish you all the strength you need right now, and hope you get through things as painlessly as one can hope at a time like this. You sound like you definitely have your head on right, and very mature about the whole thing. Sending you virtual hugs, and feel free to PM me if you need to vent or anything. Good luck and stay strong!

Post # 9
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry you are going through this. My thoughts are with you. 

Post # 11
Member
41 posts
Newbee

I have been in your position, more than once actually. 

I was 31 and had a 38 year old bf who at 16 months needed a lot more time. I asked him if at the 2 year mark if he would know if he would want me forever or not, and he said he can’t make promises. I was devastated, but I left. I decided to look for someone who wasn’t so indecisive. The same thing happened with the next person, unfortunately but i kept on going until my current guy came along. 

Personally I would give it 6 more months only because you are 30. If you were 34-37 I would say to move on! But focus on how this makes you feel. When I knew my bf was not sure about me, while I was sure about HIM, I was so insecure and it damaged my feelings for him.

Post # 12
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am giving my boyfriend 3 years, on May 26, 2013 it is going to be 3 years. We are leaving together,we talk about getting merried one day, hopefully it is befor clock strikes to 3 years lol and I want it to be complete surprise proposal. It better be good too lol, I now I am silly

Post # 13
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

my honest opion which might sting but I’ll try not to. is stop worrying about marriage I’ve been in your shoes tried everything in the book but it finally hit me if I stopped thinking about it he will cave in naturally but then a again I was at one point called the serial engager or somethig to that effect so I stopped worrying about it cause I really love the guy I’m with and realized its just a piece of paper in mine and his hearts and minds we are already married yes I want the wedding but thats a show for the others. bottom line is If your heart and his heart say they are married then they are married no need for a wedding or the paperwork! 

Post # 14
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

@becca793:  So sorry for your situation! You’re doing the right thing by taking time to yourself. Unless he has a big wakeup, I think you need to move on, especially if you want kids. He doesn’t sound like he’s on the same page with you, and you deserve to find someone who is, who wants what you want, and who wants to give you want you want.

Post # 16
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Hunny,

He’s making excuses.

I am a lot less jaded now that I have met and fallen in love with my FH, he’s changed me for the better, but I still have rules.

I don’t move in (that quickly tells me what the guy really wants)

I don’t wait longer than a year and a half for a proposal (I know what I want, and I can tell by that stage if we are on the same page)

 

It doesn’t sound like you two are on the same page at all. I would consider getting out and finding someone who wants the same things as you.

Sorry to be so harsh, but plenty of fish as they say

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