so 3 weeks have passed and here we are..
I feel so heartbroken now.. How come we went from living together to I need space to thing things over and sort it out? He said 3 days ago that he needs to decide if he really wants to get married and have kids in future and he knows how important this for me and does not want to waste my time in case if in 1-2 years he will still not be sure. He is turning 38 in 3 months.. When we started dating we agreed this is what we want in future etc, and now he says the opposite.
I do not think it’s also the future plans talk. We had fights for the past month and half because he started to say things like – he wants me to move with him to another state, change jobs etc. but at the same time he is not sure if one year is enough to get engaged, because I asked what would be my guaranties. He tried to suggest long distance then, but what would I do – go from living together to a long distance? I had this experience before and guy broke up with me after making me wait around for 1,5 years. I also accumulated that negativity after thinking too much, his comments “not in rush”, “need to make sure with the right person”. And saying at the same time “I love you and I deeply care for you, you are my best friend.”
The last fight was about his facebook account pat Monday. (that he took down 4 months ago, because he did not want to add me in the beginning sayng that he does not use it at all, but at the same time he logged in there periodically checking stuff and his friends and sister were on it.) At that time my concern was why is it a problem to add me if we live together and I am your gf? He said I am sneaking around and not trusting him. So he chose not to add me, but to deactivate at all. Then on vacation in Europe he mentioned that he’d like to activate it again and will add me. I occasionally saw his profile up when was looking for my friend with same first name and my bf’s name came up in search. I asked why he did not add me as promised to that I got a fight and him blaming me for going behind his back and not trusting. He also said I am not going to add you so you would not ask questions who is this.
So, needless to say he was saying for the past 2 days that maybe we moved in too early with each other and we are in a tough situation since he needs to sort things out but I am near all the time and he needs space. I asked if he regrets we moved in he said no I do not but maybe better will be now if we live separately. I suggested I would go for a week or 2 to my sister so he would sort things out and I would, he said it’s not enogh time for him.
I asked if he wants to break up, why to try to do it in a nice way by suggesting to live separately, he can be honest with me, we are adults after all. He said “no I do not want break up, I want to continue dating be in touch just live separatelly as we did before moved in”. He also mentioned he needs to figure out his work situation and see if he is moving to another state which might mean we will break up (since I am not into LDR) or he will stay in our state and be more stabilized with job, so hhat would take a lot of pressure off.
I feel rejected, humiliated and angry. But I told him that I love him, and won’t force anything or anyone to love me and to be with me, so i will move out, because I love myself too.
He had to go and meet his buddy for drinks and football and I said I will go to my sister and stay there overnight. He asked if I am sure and suggested he will pick me up in the morning from her. He left at 11:30 am and I packed a bag and left. He did not call untill 11 pm to which I did not respond.
I was evaluating my relationship and myself for almost 24 hours already. I am upset and heartbroken, but I will try to get things going for myself to shake my mind off and start looking for apartment. He wants space, he got it. No idea what to do with my stuff there etc. I know only one thing: if man wants to be with you he will, the rest are excuses. We will see.